In all that I had imagined about parenthood when I was pregnant with M, exclusive pumping was never part of it. I expected I would breastfeed — I was formula fed myself, but Mac Daddy is very enthusiastic about breastfeeding, and I saw my older sister successfully manage it with my niece, so it felt like I had a lot of support, despite not having a lot of knowledge about the subject.
M latched shortly after birth, and everything seemed to be working well. I was anxious about her latch because I had no idea what it was supposed to look, sound, or feel like, but she was gaining weight and I wasn’t in any kind of horrendous pain aside from what I was told was typical for the early days.
About a month postpartum things went downhill, fast. Her latch was recognizably wrong, but despite going back and forth with an LC, doctors, and nurses, something still wasn’t working. I suspected she had a posterior tongue tie, and we were diagnosed as borderline on the Hazelbaker scale. I pushed to have it dealt with, and we had a frenectomy done on M at eight weeks old.
I thought it had fixed the problem. She nursed beautifully for about a week, but then it all fell apart again. I developed thrush, and spent a lot of frustrating hours trying to beat it with gentian violet, APNO, and miconazole. Nursing became very painful, so I started pumping and bottle feeding during the day, which turned into pumping full-time. I was really lucky to already have a good Medela pump on hand. I wasn’t thinking I’d ever have to use it extensively, what with being off work for a year on maternity leave, but that thing got a workout.
Between Mac Daddy and I, we eventually had our pumping routine down to an art. M got bottles overnight, which meant we both shared the work of getting her fed at all hours. We started handling nights in shifts, and I took shortcuts that helped my sanity, like keeping all of my pumping parts in a plastic container in the fridge during the day, washing and sanitizing after my last pumping session. We stocked up on bottles, which Mac Daddy used to try to encourage a better latch for M. I listened to relaxation tracks while I pumped which was ridiculous but helped me think about something other than whether or not I was making enough milk.
The hardest part was when I was at home with her during the day and had to pump instead of spending time with her — it felt unfair and backward, but also, I felt like it had to be done. I had paralysis over making a decision because breastfeeding hurt, and she always seemed hungry when I nursed, but pumping was a ton of work. Formula also seemed complicated and expensive, and I really just wanted to give her breastmilk. How do you pick between pain, hassle, and expense without feeling like you’re doing something wrong? I felt terrible when she visibly wanted to nurse — she would open her mouth big and root around my chest, and I’d have to run and get a bottle to heat up.
After about two months of pumping, I went on a round of antibiotics to try to clear the infection that would not leave my nipples alone. It was a last ditch effort, in case it was a bacterial problem. I also threw medical advice out the window and started applying miconazole after nearly every feeding. Maybe it was the antibiotics, maybe it was the miconazole, maybe it was luck, but something obliterated the red, itchy stabby feeling within a week or two.
Then, we went on vacation toting a baby for the first time ever. Faced with four flights and the prospect of pumping in the airport, during our trip I decided to try latching her again. To my surprise, she managed it well, so I kept going. I still don’t know if it was a matter of her getting used to having more tongue and more motion to work with, if having to latch properly onto a bottle and use her tongue rather than clamping taught her the right way to do it, but she suddenly knew how to nurse.
As much as I hated the exclusive pumping routine, I did actually see a few benefits from it, while we were having to do it. M seemed more satiated on a bottle of pumped milk than she did from nursing, which meant she slept longer. I enjoyed other people being able to feed her, giving me a bit of freedom and her some bonding time with whoever held the bottle. I don’t think I would have been eager to offer a bottle if I didn’t have to, so it helped get me over that hurdle.
I also liked being able to see what I was producing (though it did stress me out a bit), and knowing that she most definitely had enough milk each day based on the ounces I knew I was feeding her. Breastfeeding always seemed like a weird magic trick to me and it was hard to put faith in my body to feed her without being able to measure it!
Exclusive pumping is hard. I’m in awe of the women who have done it, and in even more awe of women who have kept it up on a long-term basis — after a few months it was routine for us, but it was still so much work, and I can’t imagine the effort involved in something less temporary.
Did or does anyone else pump exclusively, either short-term or more permanently? I don’t know a lot of people who have, so I’m curious to hear your story!
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I exclusively pumped for three months with my second baby. I quit due to a yeast infection that wouldn’t go away and daily painful clogs that couldn’t be prevented by any means. I had a freezer stash that lasted my baby one more month so she got 4 months of breast milk and for that I am super proud! Pumping is hard and in the end it got to be too overwhelming for me, but it was still better than my nursing experience with baby number one, so if I had a third, I think I’d go straight to the pump. Also, both of my babies’ tummy troubles went away as soon as I switched them from my milk to “sensitive” formula, so I was very thankful for that. I don’t know how pumping moms manage to go on vacations, back to work, etc. I can’t imagine bringing all that stuff with me everywhere and having to wash parts every time. Kudos to those ladies!
nectarine / 2987 posts
I exclusively pumped until my preemie could nurse, then continued to pump half his feeds for fortification for months.
blogger / clementine / 985 posts
@Addie I would haaaaaate going back to work while pumping! Part of the many reasons why I’m so grateful for an extended maternity leave.
@MrsSRS: I’m in awe of preemie moms too! I had to pump a bit at the hospital with A and it was so annoying with the constant sterilization and running back and forth to the milk storage fridge.