Hellobee

Baby A is definitively out of that squishy newborn phase. He hit three months last week and he’s looking so much like a big boy these days. It’s amazing how quickly it flew by!

As a first-time mom with M I had a hell of a time with the so-called fourth trimester, a.k.a. the first three months of baby’s life. When we had her I felt like I was constantly playing catch-up, and never quite getting back on my feet after coming home with her in an exhausted daze. Our lives were totally different and I had a hard time adjusting. Her cries made me tense, I was struggling with breastfeeding, I was dealing with post unplanned C-section feelings, and I felt really overwhelmed and isolated.

I’ve touched on my experience thus far as a second-time mom before, but wanted to take a look specifically at what it took to get through those first three months, the second time around. It goes beyond my newfound ‘let it be’ attitude!

Making Connections

While I noted in my previous post that I definitely don’t push myself to engage more than I actually can, one of the best things I did this time around was take A out of the house and connect with grown ups. With M, I was anxious and tired and feeling frazzled all the time so I stayed in a lot. It took me months to get out to the town’s baby playgroup. With A, I had to go out, because I couldn’t very well keep M at home all the time or delegate all of her activities to Mac Daddy. And when I did that I realized how easy it is to tote a fourth trimester baby around! He’s been to meetings, a peace rally, dinners, a film screening, you name it. We go to kid/mom things, and we go to adult things where he’s just a baby taking it all in, and it’s great for my soul and great for him because he loves to meet people.

This freedom and flexibility has been great, and it helped a lot with those first three months. It’s something I’m going to continue doing, especially when M is home for summer!

Co-sleeping

I was really against co-sleeping with M and only did so when I really, really had to (it’s how we got through the four-month sleep changes). A, on the other hand, slept in my bed for a good month when he was first born, because it was what worked for us. Mac Daddy has been kicked out of the bed, which is a bummer, but we’re all dealing with the idea that we’re in transition, especially during those first few months. A is mostly sleeping in his cradle now and will be in his crib eventually, so we will likely start moving our way out of the family bed idea soon.

Keeping a Focus on Mental Health

Most nights I take a bath between dinner and bedtime. It’s spiking our water bill up a bit, yeah, but it’s my investment in my own mental health. Within the first week or two of A’s arrival I was crying to Mac Daddy that I felt SO tied to every little thing going on in the house, and he immediately declared that if I wanted to go shut myself in the bathroom every single day, for an hour at a time, and tune out everyone and everything, I could. So I do!

I’m also on anti-anxiety medication this time around, which I could’ve weaned off of in January but am staying on because I think it has had a lot to do with the smoother edges this time around. I am all for anything that makes our quality of life better, and this is working.

Time for M, Too

When I was getting through the first three months with M I didn’t have to think about anything other than baby, and me, and Mac Daddy. But with A, M’s feelings and needs have definitely factored in. There were some rough moments where she felt left out, jealous, or frustrated. The key things we’ve been doing:

• Sometimes, we tell A that he has to wait for us to help M, or that it’s M’s turn for our attention. Of course, it means nothing to him, but it means a lot to her.
• Positive redirection — instead of “DON’T SQUISH THE BABY!” I have to consciously think of a positive thing I could ask her to do instead, like, “Can you hand your brother that toy?”
• One on one time with her parents, individually and together. Most weekends I take her out for a stretch of time, just the two of us, because Mac Daddy does daycare drop off and pick up plus skating days so she has built-in time with him. And, on weekends when A is having naps, we try to hang out with her instead of all going our separate ways to take advantage of the quiet time.

Overall, aside from the first two or three weeks of pure exhaustion and confusion, the fourth trimester has been much easier with baby #2. It feels more like an easy extension of what we were already doing!