Lil’ Pizza is 4.5 years old and last week was the first time I felt a bit heartbroken thinking about possible hurtful interactions between her and her peers. I know that navigating difficult issues will be a part of growing up as she becomes more independent from me and starts to attend school more regularly. And the reality is that I don’t have control over her life and can’t protect her from everything that comes her way.
We were at the park when two girls who looked like they were about a year or two older than Lil’ Pizza were giggling about every little thing around them. Their seemingly innocent laughter eventually was directed towards Lil’ Pizza. They pointed at her and her My Little Pony bike and just continued laughing. Lil’ Pizza started tugging my arm and asked for us to leave the park. As we started walking over to a bench to talk, she looked downcast and started to weep. After she calmed down, I told her how it seemed like the girls were just giggling about random things that were in front of them and they likely didn’t even realize they were doing something to be hurtful. I told her sometimes it’s best to just walk away because sometimes people do things that weren’t meant to make us sad. I asked her if she wanted to return to the park and tell them how their behavior felt hurtful but she shook her head. Personally, I was having a different internal struggle. Was I approaching the situation in the best way by telling her to just walk away and not make it a big deal or was I teaching her to be passive and accept wrong behavior? I wasn’t sure.
I wish they could stay young and carefree. Photo credit: N Photography
We did have a chance to talk about how she felt when they were laughing at her and how hurtful words and actions can make another person feel. We talked about showing kindness to others. She has brought up that situation a few times now, so I am thankful that our conversations are ongoing. I try to remind myself as I learn to figure out how to talk to Lil’ Pizza about more serious issues that things don’t have to come out perfectly the first time I say something. It doesn’t have to be set in stone. Heck, it doesn’t need to be right the first or second time I say it. I hope I can continue to work on how to communicate with my daughters so they will always feel comfortable and open to talk to me about the more difficult issues. Before I know it, these little girls of mine will be teenagers and life will get more complex. And while I may not be able to protect my girls from everything they may experience in their lives, I hope that I can forever be someone they can find guidance, love and support.
cherry / 141 posts
Such a struggle. Especially watching our children hurting. My daughter had a rude awakening when she was about 3 and some older kids (1-2years older) were really aggressive and basically poked fun at her. My daughter is not timid and didn’t back down. I had to stop her and bring her away from the situation. Now she’s the older kid and she does similar things to younger kids (not aggressive like that day but also not playing with them). She explained that “she couldn’t understand what they were saying.”
I feel so much for you and your child. It’s difficult and we have to help but also step back.
guest
I am facing the same situation with my daughter. She will be 5 next week. A classmate is rude and being a bully and I am torn if I should say something to the teacher, or just teach my child to walk away. I know there will be plenty of bully’s in her life, and the mama bear in me wants to protect her from all of it, which I won’t be able to do. I don’t know if teaching her to stand up to the bully is the right answer, or if teaching her to walk away is better.
blogger / apricot / 431 posts
@kellyrae: and @lauren: This world is scary, especially with cyber bullying added on to it…but hopefully as we teach our kids kindness and what acts are intolerable whether done to themselves or others, we can raise kind human beings that will impact others
pear / 1553 posts
I think you’re teaching her the right lesson. Think of how this might play out in your adult life. Other people’s bad behavior isn’t your problem… and it’s not your job to fix it. To maintain your own sanity it’s often best just to walk away. She will learn through life experiences which battles to fight and which to walk away from. And she’ll learn to surround herself with people who lift her up instead of tear her down.
If we all teach our kids to do this – and we do this in our own lives – bullies will end up alone, or just hanging out with each other.