I just wrote a post about how I’m struggling with the current stage Snowy is in.

But if I’m honest with myself, and with you, friends, I have to admit that it’s not just the stage Snowy is in that is hard. Life is just really hard in general right now, and it feels like when I make progress towards a goal with things ironing out and seeming better, I (specifically my health) backslide what feels like a mile.

Two and a half weeks after my last hospital admission, I ended up in the ER again for the same condition, gastroparesis, a partially paralyzed stomach. That hospital admission was truly awful. I didn’t feel listened to and they were not helping my symptoms or giving answers at all. I was then transferred to a larger university hospital, and it has been a much better experience, but when I’m here, everything falls to the wayside. I’ve seen Snowy a few times when she visits the hospital, but I still miss her terribly, and I’m sure it’s hard on her too: she’s only 5, and I’m sure she doesn’t understand me being away from her, even though she knows I’m sick.

Now they’re saying it might not be gastroparesis but something else. I’m having an abdominal scope tomorrow and if it IS something different, I am going to have to completely change my life to accommodate yet another diagnosis.

I thought I was finally making progress. But being this sick affects everything. I am not sure if I’ll be able to stay in my job. I don’t know how quickly I’ll heal or even be able to keep anything down without the IV. I’m barely parenting: Mr. Snowflake and my MIL are taking care of Snowy, along with some really great family friends. It’s hard for me as a mother, an educator, and just a person in general. It’s hard to have hope that things will get better. It’s a really hard time in every life area.

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But all I can do, all any of us can do, is keep moving forward, even when it feels like backward. One of the major things I want to teach Snowy in life is to be resilient: to respond to challenges by being persevering and to not let them break her.

I know the best way to teach our kids is through experience. If I give up on something like taking care of myself, I’m showing Snowy that giving up is the best option. I don’t want her to learn that, so I’m trying my best for both me and her. I want her to see that when life is hard, there are still good things, there is still hope.

I have noticed that Snowy is not yet a resilient kid, which is pretty normal stuff at 5. She gets frustrated very easily when things don’t work out the way she wants them to or she can’t do something. She’s convinced she’s never going to be able to read because she can’t do it yet, and she doesn’t want to cut with scissors because she thinks she’s bad at it.

I encourage her to keep trying a lot, and in turn, I encourage myself to keep trying, especially with my health. It can be very trying, but I keep looking for answers and trying to get my health stable. I hope Snowy will be able to look back and see how hard I worked to just keep trying and keep moving forward even with setbacks.

How did you get through a time where almost every area of your life seems hard and overwhelming? As a parent, how do we learn to be resilient and pass this resilience on to our kids?