“Mommy needs a drink.”
“It’s wine o clock.”
At least where I look, mainly online but also something I’ve heard in everyday life, mommy drinking culture is pervasive. Wine and coffee are the getting-through-it arsenal of many moms everywhere.
And honestly, there’s very little wrong with this. The point of my post is not at all to judge moms who use alcohol as a healthy coping mechanism at the end of the day, moms who enjoy a cocktail on a night out or happy hour with friends or coworkers. I used to love fancy nights out with a cocktail, or ending a long day with a glass of Chardonnay.
But this post is about what happened when I had to stop drinking out of necessity, and to encourage moms who don’t drink for whatever reason.
As a person with multiple chronic illnesses, I have given up a number of things that could be aggravating them, including gluten, dairy, and alcohol. I also take a number of new medications that could have adverse reactions with alcohol. Giving up all three has been tough. I love pasta and cheese, and gluten free pasta has just not been the same! But giving up alcohol has been hard in its own way. Drinking was a ritual: I enjoyed having a fancy cocktail when we went out, and a glass of wine helped me unwind after a hard day.
I’m learning how to replace the ritual, for my health. I’ve learned that the main thing I liked about drinking was trying new flavors, so I have picked up a craft soda ritual. My Kroger has a wide selection, and I love buying individual bottles and trying them all. I especially have liked the interesting flavors from Kroger’s own Private Selection line.
Other flavors include lime mint julep, blackberry jam cream soda and peach black pepper soda. I have thoroughly enjoyed all of them, and am hard-pressed to pick a favorite!
I have also learned new coping mechanisms. I often instinctively went for a drink instead of really examining and working through my feelings. I’m trying different ways to calm down and relax now. I am reading more, writing more, journaling more. All of these help me calm down and relax in the way that having a drink used to. And I feel like I’m also forced to do deep breathing and calm myself down now. I was using alcohol to cover up a lot of overwhelmed feelings, especially post-work on hard days. Now I’m dealing with stress differently.
I do worry about people’s perception of me when I abstain from drinking. I have noticed some see you not drinking and assume you’re judging their drinking (or that you’re pregnant!). I’m definitely neither. This is just a choice I am making for my own personal health, and one that I think will be good in the long run.
Whether you enjoy a glass of wine or a glass of tea; something hard on the rocks or a fancy soda: simple pleasures and ways to relax and wind down are important, and we are in this together. As long as our coping mechanisms are moderate and healthy, then cheers, everyone!
blogger / apricot / 439 posts
I really like this post! I’ve not gone 100% dry but I do try to abstain from drinking during the work week. Where in Kroger do you find these craft sodas? I’m so similar to you in that I love flavors and these look like a great thing to try!
kiwi / 617 posts
When I was preggo, my husband also abstained during the pregnancy. We loved trying out craft sodas! We’d go on Friday night and pick out a mixed-six pack – just like we did before with craft beer
pear / 1565 posts
I rarely drink! Not for any reason other than it just gives me an instant headache and makes me sleepy. I actually don’t drink coffee that much either b/c I don’t want to be reliant on caffeine. So I’m def not a “normal” mom
Btw those soda flavors sound SO cool! I need to go hunting for some!
grapefruit / 4361 posts
I’ve never drank because I have a picky palate, and right now I’m trying to kick a Diet Coke habit…. but the craft sodas are always a fun specialty! If you’re ever in Wisconsin or nearby, Spreicher makes “Puma Kola” and it is delish.
apricot / 400 posts
DH and I don’t drink anymore and one of the things I immediately noticed was that date night dinners were all of a sudden super short without that pre-dinner cocktail! So, DH and I now order coffee and tea at the end of dinner so that we still get to enjoy a nice, long meal.
blogger / grapefruit / 4836 posts
As a child of two alcoholics, I am pretty sensitive to the “Mommy wine culture”, mainly because alcohol was such a social normalized thing in my family that outwardly, we looked “normal” even though alcohol was extremely destructive to my family, eventually ending my mom’s life abruptly at the age of 54. Of course, not all people who enjoy wine are alcoholics. I drink socially myself (though with much caution). But the idea that we have to use alcohol to cope with our children is problematic, especially when problem drinking is normalized. Thanks for bringing this up
There are so many healthy ways to care for ourselves.
cherry / 236 posts
I also have chronic illness and can’t drink, and I find the whole “mommy needs vodka!” direction we’ve gone socially to be ridiculous. 🙄 Um, anyway…
Switching gears– have you tried Barilla’s gluten free red lentil noodles? They make an amazing rotini and penne that have the texture of regular pasta and retain their firmness overnight. I LOVE them. The chickpea cassarece is also really good, and not overly chickpea tasting.
blogger / cherry / 138 posts
@Mrs. Starfish: They’re in one of the soda aisles! Near the other bottled sodas and the sparkling water.
blogger / cherry / 138 posts
@helloperidot: I have not! I will definitely check them out. I’m so glad they make better gluten free pasta now because a few years ago it was terrible.
blogger / cherry / 138 posts
@Mrs. Lion: Thank you for sharing
I totally agree that society normalizes drinking to deal with one’s own children in a very dangerous way.
blogger / cherry / 138 posts
@poppygirl15: we got coffee after dinner our last big date night out and it was perfect!