A friend of mine sometimes criticizes me for not teaching my kids Korean. Our situations are a little different though. My friend’s second language is English, so her native language, let’s say French, is her dominant one. Her oldest child was also born in France and lived there for four years. English is definitely my much stronger language. Though I can speak Korean fluently, my pronunciation and grammar may be off because I only learned phonetically. My friend speaks almost exclusively to her kids in French since they will pick up English anyway, while I speak English exclusively to my kids who were born in America.
Being bilingual has been such a gift for me, and I do feel guilty for not doing a better job of passing that onto my kids. When we lived in New York the kids attended Korean school every Saturday, but that was too little exposure to learn the language — it has to be spoken in the home, especially at a young age. I grew up in Koreatown, had mostly Korean friends, attended a Korean church, my parents spoke Korean to me, and they had a business that largely catered to Korean clientele. I was exposed to Korean everywhere so it was easy and natural for me to pick it up.
On our recent trip to Los Angeles to visit my family, I asked my dad what percentage he thought I was Korean vs. American. He said 90% Korean and 10% American, but of course he’s biased. I think I would put that number at 55% Korean/45% American. I feel more Korean than American, since my appearance is Korean and it’s also the culture with which I identify more. But I think being raised by first generation immigrants is a huge factor because they usually retain their native country’s culture at home. My kids are third generation, and they will be much more American than they are Korean.
So how do I pass on Korean culture to my American kids?
The food – I cook a lot of Korean food for my kids because that’s what I like to eat best as well. Food is such a big part of tradition, culture, and national identity and once you love a country’s food, I think you’re bonded in a way for life. I can eat pretty much any Korean dish, even the “weird” ones because my parents exposed me to it all growing up. You know that scene in Ratatouille when the food critic is instantly transported back to his childhood after one bite of the dish? I hope Korean food does the same for my kids.
Visiting the country – We’ve visited Korea twice since living in the Philippines, and plan to visit many more times while we’re here. Every time we go to Korea we meet our extended family, and kids can sense that family is different than friends. We get spoiled by so much love and delicious food, and even though my kids hardly remember Lotte World (the Korean Disneyland), they still remember the delicious plums they ate nonstop at my uncle’s house (as well as his awesome bidet).
Traditions – I could definitely be doing a better job with this one, and really wish we lived closer to my parents so we could celebrate big holidays like Chuseok (Korean Thanksgiving) together. Chuseok along with New Year’s are two of the biggest holidays of the year. We’ve celebrated New Year’s Day every year by dressing up in hanboks (traditional Korean attire), eating ddukguk, and having the kids bow to elders to receive red envelopes of money.
Spending time with extended family – Though my parents speak English to the kids, they hear a lot of Korean around them when all of us spend time together. I also have many relatives that do not speak any English. At the very least, my kids can recognize the Korean alphabet when they see it and the Korean language when they hear it!
Participating in taekwondo – The kids’ taekwondo teacher doesn’t speak any English and teaches his class exclusively in Korean. I love it! The kids have learned many Korean words and commands through class, and they’ve learned so many Korean values like bowing and respect for elders. Pretty much every Korean child participates in taekwondo, so I’m glad that my kids have access to a great class locally.
Korean Mom Facebook Groups – This is more for me than the kids, but I’m part of a very active Korean-American mom Facebook group where we talk about cultural challenges specific to being Korean American, share educational Korean books/toys, etc. It helps to be part of a group where we all feel like we’re in a similar boat.
. . . . .
I worked so hard on reading to my kids in English from birth, and instilling a love of literacy. They are both advanced readers with an insatiable thirst for books, so I try not to beat myself up over my failure to teach them Korean. Parenting is hard enough as it is!
Are you raising bi-cultural kids? How are you passing down your culture, language and customs?
apricot / 469 posts
Im am American and have no idea where my family comes from. My husband is half Korean however. Unfortunately his mother (who was Korean) left when he was 1 or 2. His father, who was raised in Goregia is an American military man…raised him and my husband doesn’t know much about Korean culture. He knows some things but nothing of the language or customs. He grew up in Hawaii around a lot of Polynesian and Asian cultures so he does know more about that. Our kids are 1/4 Korean and I would like for them to know more about their heritage and their roots especially with their Korean heritage. My husband does as well but we have no idea where to start.
guest
I think your kids are more third culture kids than anything. They aren’t being raised in the USA or Korea but instead the Philippines.
admin / watermelon / 14210 posts
@c we will return to the us though eventually.
since the philippines was a us colony, many american holidays are celebrated here like valentine’s day, mother’s day, father’s day, halloween, etc. and because we live in touristy towns where there are a lot of expats, it’s kind of a unique community that’s a mix of locals and foreigners!
guest
My kids are born and raised in the US, going to a local school. I’m French. I try really hard to raise them bicultural. Same as you, food is a big component. We follow French holidays, talk about French events that they can relate too (the male soccer team winning the World Cup, notre dame burning). My oldest (5yo) very much relates to being French. We also go home every year and now that I work part-time, we go for extended periods of time which is very beneficial. I organize regular play dates with French families close to us to get him around other French-speaking kids.
The biggest effort revolves around language. I speak to them strictly in French, I only read in French (up to an hour a day). At this stage, my 5yo’s French is better than his English but I figure it’ll change as he starts kindergarten. We watch movies in French exclusively, listen to audiobooks in the car. I use every opportunity to expose them to the language.
My husband doesn’t speak French (he’s American) so this effort falls on my shoulders and it’s a lot of work. I think there’s a misconception that raising bilingual kids « comes naturally ». In reality, it takes a lot of effort and consistency. Hopefully they’ll thank me someday
pear / 1565 posts
I feel so guilty too for not trying harder to teach my kids Chinese! But honestly while my Chinese is fluent, English has long since been my “dominant” language so while I tried and failed miserably at speaking only Chinese to the girls.
I agree that getting them to understand their heritage through food and traditions is the best I can do now; and hopefully we will make a trip soon!
guest
How does Mr. Bee’s ethnicity factor into this? I recall he is ethnically Japanese (I think!) – do you also encorporate those traditions?
guest
I know it was just an example, but Swiss isn’t a language. Sorry-just bugged me. That said, great post!
admin / watermelon / 14210 posts
@bea haha thanks! was just trying to change it from her actual country. fixed!
kiwi / 635 posts
I completely agree with Julie in that teaching a second language, even if you are fluent, does not come naturally but takes a lot of work. I came to the states from Korea when I was a baby. I would say my korean is good… but not great. Fluent in that I can speak comfortably enough but any native speaker can tell I am korean-AMERICAN. However my 5yo son speaks way better korean than so many kids whose parents are super fluent because I worked my butt off to speak almost 100% korean with him for the first 2-3 years of life. I was even worried last year he would never learn English!
I know if I was a truly native speaker his korean would be even better and sometimes I worry that I gave him a bad version of korean instead of my fluent English.. but oh well.. I am just glad he can speak and read in korean and even if he regresses later it will be much easier to get it back since he spoke it as a child.