Hellobee

You all know now that the Dolphin family is expecting a new addition at the end of this year.  We are, of course, beyond thrilled, but it was also a huge surprise to us because we had given up on trying to get pregnant and I was trying to come to terms with a family of four.  While we did have some mixed feelings about adding a third child to our family, we actually started trying back in 2017 and when we decided against IVF for a number of reasons, I thought there was no chance.  I was surprised by how long it took because I thought it would be fairly easy to become pregnant; after all, we had been so lucky with Lion and Panda.

With Lion, we had relatively few steps in getting pregnant.  First, we decided we actually wanted children (I had for many years been adamant that I never wanted kids), then I went for a pre-conception checkup with my OB/GYN. I was then referred to a Maternal Fetal Medicine (MFM) specialist for a pre-conception consultation because I carry certain antibodies that make me high-risk.  Following that we went off the pill.  It took 6 weeks for my first period after going off the pill, then I got pregnant on the very next cycle (my first full cycle off the pill).  We were shocked because some of my friends warned me that it could take a year to get pregnant and we certainly didn’t expect to become pregnant that quickly. The timing felt not great since I’d just accepted an offer for a new job when we confirmed pregnancy and I remember complaining that it happened too quickly, even though I was excited about the pregnancy.  I know how insensitive that must sound to those who have experienced infertility, especially now that I’ve experienced the monthly heartbreak.  But at the time, I had some mixed emotions, likely because just three months prior I still fell into the never-having-children camp.

With Panda, our time to conception was also pretty quick once my cycle returned. We wanted our kids to be close in age (we were shooting for a year, ended up with an 18-month age gap), but I had a tough time getting my period back even after I stopped breastfeeding.  After months of continual spotting, but no actual period, I was checked out by my OB/GYN who prescribed progesterone to see if that would jump start my period.  After taking one course of progesterone, my cycles not only returned, but were extremely short — 20 to 21 days long. Two cycles later, we became pregnant with Panda.  I say this not to brag, but to demonstrate how clueless we were.  Because we had been so lucky in the past, we just assumed we’d be lucky again.

So, after getting pregnant on basically the first cycle and the second cycle, I thought that even though I was a few years older (we were still below advanced maternal age when we started trying), we’d still be looking at maybe 6 months maximum to get pregnant. But month after month, pregnancy test after pregnancy test, we had zero luck.  The first few months I was disappointed, but after that it really started to take an emotional toll. I’m ashamed to admit it, but when close friends shared that they were pregnant, while I tried to be as congratulatory as possible, deep down I was devastated. I even came home and cried to Mr. Dolphin one day and couldn’t be truly happy for my friends.

I went back to my OB/GYN for advice and he started me on Clomid. After several unsuccessful cycles, he referred me to a reproductive endocrinologist who ran a series of blood tests, did ultrasounds, did an HSG test to make sure my tubes were open and did blood tests/semen analysis on Mr. Dolphin.  Everything came back completely normal and the infertility after fertility was unexplainable to my doctors.  The only suggestion they had was that I try to gain a little bit of weight, since I was about 5 pounds under the weight I was when I’d gotten pregnant the first two times around.  I’ve never been one to watch my weight and don’t even own a scale at home, so all I could do was try to increase my caloric intake (which, for better or worse, has never really seemed to alter my weight).  After six months (and more cycles on Clomid), the reproductive endocrinologist’s only solution was to try a trigger shot/IVF.

There were many reasons why IVF was not in the cards for us, one of which is that the cost was just out of what we were willing to pay for the chance — not even a guarantee — that we might be able to become pregnant.  We already have two beautiful children and I was struggling to find peace that this was what our family would look like, even as I dreamed of a larger family.  We could have saved for IVF for a year or so and done it, but it seemed like a very expensive gamble.

Then, on top of the fact that we couldn’t seem to get pregnant on our own, I lost my period around Thanksgiving of last year.  The first several months after I lost my cycle were nerve wracking because I kept thinking that I must be pregnant. I took pregnancy test after pregnancy test, before finally conceding that I’d simply stopped ovulating and our hopes of pregnancy were gone for good.  I chalked up the lost cycles to the fact that I was extremely stressed about work (the last 18 months in my old job were the most stressful and least enjoyable months of my entire career, so I am immensely grateful to be elsewhere now), but between the work stress, the job hunting stress and the feeling that I would never get pregnant, I’m sure I was not the most pleasant person to be around.

I really struggled to accept that infertility after fertility can happen. I realized how much I’d taken our easy paths to conception the first two times for granted. I now understand how heartbreaking it is to go months or years continuously disappointed by home pregnancy tests.

Because I’d lost my period, I actually didn’t know we were pregnant right away.  I started to wonder around the six week mark if I could be pregnant due to various symptoms including morning sickness, a craving for sweets, and breast tenderness — all symptoms I had with Panda.  I didn’t want to get my hopes up though and thought that maybe I was just getting ready to (finally) start ovulating and that I was craving sweets because I was so stressed at work.  Finally, after a couple of weeks I bought a pregnancy test, but kept telling myself there was no way I was actually pregnant.  I was shocked to find out (while out of town on a business trip) that I was indeed pregnant.  The two lines showed up immediately. I bought a second pregnancy test to confirm, then called my OB/GYN.

Funny story: when I called the receptionist asked how far along I was.  I told her I had no idea.  She then asked when my last menstrual period was.  I replied, “Six months ago.”  There was silence on the other end of the phone, so I clarified, “I mean obviously, I know I’m not six months pregnant.  I don’t know how far along I am, but based on how long I’ve been having symptoms, I would guess I’m between 7 and 9 weeks pregnant.”  When I went into the OB/GYN’s office, I had an identical conversation with the nurse (who gave me serious side-eye when I said my last menstrual period was six months prior), then had to have the exact same conversation with my OB.  My OB said, “Well, really you could be anywhere from 4 to 12 weeks pregnant, couldn’t you?”  I conceded that I had no idea, but that based on the length of symptoms, I again estimated 7 to 9 weeks.  As it turns out, by measurements, I was 8 weeks and 0 days.

At the end of the day, we were blessed with a third pregnancy and I am still amazed and extremely thankful every day.  It seems like such a gift, particularly given how emotionally down I was about both my job and not being able to get pregnant again.  While we were ultimately able to become pregnant by chance, without interventions, I have a much deeper understanding and appreciation of those who struggle with infertility.