Someone in one of my mom groups recently posted that her daughter turned 8, and that she wanted to get her some books and have the period talk. Olive recently turned 8 too, and honestly I hadn’t been thinking about this at all! Olive still seems like such a baby — she has a much more sheltered life living in the Philippines than she would have in the US. I was also 13 when I got my period, though I was one of the last of my friends to get it. Luckily it happened when I was at home so I just grabbed some of my mom’s pads and didn’t have any embarrassing public moments. Most of my friends got their periods at the age of 12 (the average age in the US), though I did have one friend that got it at 9, and she had absolutely no idea what was happening!
As is usual in Asian culture my mom never had any kind of talk with me, but I somehow knew what to expect in that pre-internet world. Some of the moms in my mom group missed having the period talk before it happened and regretted it. Many schools also have workshops on puberty starting in the fourth grade, so the consensus seemed to be that 8 and 9 at the latest was a good age to have the puberty talk.
The following books were suggested by numerous moms in my group, and I’d definitely like to get them for Olive:
American Girl – The Care and Keeping of You: The Body Book for Younger Girls
Celebrate Your Body: (And its Changes Too!) The Ultimate Puberty Book for Girls
One of my good friends told me that her mom left her a book about puberty on her desk when she was around 9, and she read it from cover to cover over and over again, but they never had an actual talk. The easiest way to broach the topic would be if it came up naturally (eg. seeing my feminine products), but I haven’t had a period in over a year due to my birth control implant. I do think that I will wait a little bit longer because I don’t see any sign of puberty starting in Olive yet, and I’ll get these books the next time I’m in the US.
Some facts about periods:
- Although 12-13 is average, girls can get their periods between 8-16 years of age
- After your breast buds start to form, your period usually takes two years to start.
- Your pubic hair starts growing after your breasts, and then your period typically starts 1-2 years after that.
- Vaginal discharge may mean that your period will start within the year
- It’s likely girls will get their periods within a year of when their mothers got their’s (me 13, my mom 12)
(source: Always)
Did your mom talk about periods with you? Were you prepared when you got your period?
cherry / 247 posts
My daughter is only 3.5, so I realize this post isn’t meant for me. However, my daughter did notice some used products in the trash can and started asking questions. So I told her (in simple age appropriate terms), and she became hysterical! She was terrified! She cried for like half an hour screaming “I don’t want to get big! I don’t want to bleeeeed!”
My husband and I ended up having to lie to her and tell her it wouldn’t happen just to calm her down. My husband even had to tell her unicorns would come out of her butt instead. I hate that we had to lie to her but I didn’t want her terrified of growing up!
pomelo / 5621 posts
I never really got a talk from my mom, just given a book. My aunt taught me about how to use tampons/pads.
In this regard I’m glad I have two boys.
kiwi / 583 posts
I remember my sister and I had that American Girl book!!
pomegranate / 3438 posts
My mom and I had the talk when I was around 7-8. She had horrible periods and would be in bed for two days so I had a lot of questions. She got a medical book out and explained everything to me. She was very matter of fact and I don’t remember being too bothered by it.
We also had puberty talks at school in the fourth grade. All the girls would get little bags that had all kinds of feminine products.
cantaloupe / 6086 posts
I don’t remember ever having the talk with my mom, although I remember she had bought pads to have around when it happened (I didn’t know that until after the fact though). I think I got it at 12 in early 7th grade and we had had sex Ed in 5th and 6th (or maybe 4th and 5th?) so I’d understood for a while what was coming. We had one year focused on our own bodies and then one year where we covered boys too. I remember someone passed out during that 🤣
guest
Okay, Steelergirl that’s hysterical. Its also totally relevant to me because I also told both of my daughters about their periods when they were about that age. They saw what happened to mom, and shared the bathroom with me. So, I dont have to have “the talk” because we’ve been having it since they were 2. My oldest was really worried at first, but just like everything else the truth is the truth! How do you plan to rewind that unicorn thing?
My oldest is now 7, so next year the conversation will include getting her a panty liner for her backpack. We haven’t had any growth yet, but I dont want her to be unprepared, even if it is for a friend. I didnt get my cycle until 16, which is the best indicator for when your daughters will start. But more and more girls are starting younger and younger.
I personally recommend a complete sex-ed program called the OWL: Our Whole Lives. It was created by a church group, but is NOT religious. I’m a jew, so wouldnt use it if it talked about Jesus. I found out about it from this article: https://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=7867316
It starts in K/1, then has a 4/6 and a few older levels. I bought the books since there isn’t a class near me.
guest
I suggest talk now, waiting till 8 yo doesn’t even make sense to me. Periods are a part of female life and can (I would argue should) be normalized from the start of life. I’m a modest person but it’s my job to help my daughters understand and love their bodies and minds.
I have 3 daughters, ages 20, 13, and -3 months. Our newest addition will see her period as just a normal development, the same as an appetite increase, or feet growing – more private, sure, but just as natural.
pear / 1565 posts
I never had a talk either; I think I just found out bits and pieces from friends that got it first.
My girls, at least my 5 year old knows all about periods haha; she has been asking since she saw me changing pads probably. I def agree it’s probably better to prep them earlier! But man I really hope we are not dealing with periods by 8-9
pomelo / 5573 posts
I never had any of the talks (period, puberty, sex), I just got books left in my room. In retrospect, I think it messed me up a little – I got the impression that all that stuff is kind of gross and shameful and embarrassing. I wish my parents had been more up front and matter of fact with me, and I’m trying to do that with my sons about bodies and sex.
nectarine / 2210 posts
In 4th grade they sent home papers for our parents to sign off before the presentation. Walking home with friends we talked about what the talk would be, and someone said I bet it’s periods. I had no idea what they were talking about and thought they meant the one that ended the sentence!
Clearly I was confused.
I don’t remember exactly what happened from there but pretty sure when I asked my mom to sign it she must have talked to me more about it.
guest
I remember reading Are You There God, It’s Me Margaret around the time I got my period and loved the book. My school offered sex education and cycles were covered. I don’t remember what my mom or dad discussed with me. I started at 10, my mom got hers at 13. She was actually out of town on a business trip and my dad got to witness my excitement- jumping up and down on bed chanting “I can have a baby now!” over and over. LOL