Babies go through some brutal phases. No naps, frequent night wakings, the evening “witching hour,” teething … you name it.
That isn’t to say toddlerhood has been smooth sailing for us, but our little guy (henceforth “Little Y” – sadly, he has outgrown “Baby Y”) has been doing pretty well the past couple of months. He’s on a reliable nap schedule, he’s eating well, we just weaned without any major difficulty, and he’s been sleeping through the night.
But (and there’s always a but) …
He has become. so. clingy.
Yes, I will take clinginess over a sleep regression … but I still need a moment to vent. In the past couple weeks, I feel like I’ve literally grown a third leg. What little capacity Little Y had for independent play has evaporated.
Watching me like a hawk to make sure I’m no more than 5 feet away during storytime at the library.
I’m lucky if I can unload even a third of the dishwasher before I hear the pitter-patter of little feet. I can barely make myself a sandwich without him pulling at my pants. And going to the bathroom with the door shut? Forget about it, unless I want to listen to him wail.
Even our fail-safe, rainy-day, got-nothing-better-to-do outing, the mall, is no longer fun. As soon as I sit down in the play area with Little Y, he looks around at all the other kids, whimpers, and scrambles onto my lap. I gently coax him to go play, and I’m lucky to get 60 seconds before he returns. We repeat this for about 20 minutes before I throw in the towel and we leave.
The most frustrating thing is that he reserves this mostly for me. When Papa Y is around, Little Y is content to toddle to and fro and play on the floor. He was great for his grandparents, who just visited. And I feel ridiculous trying to convince everyone that the happy-go-lucky little guy they see can be entirely different when I’m alone with him.
I’ve got several theories for the sudden clinginess, and it’s probably a combination of all of them: We just weaned, so he no longer gets to draw comfort from nursing. He’s still perfecting his walking, and apparently developmental leaps can lead to clinginess in some children. I recently left him for a couple days to attend a family funeral, which is the first time we’ve ever been apart longer than half a day or so. And finally, he’s turning 15 months, and separation anxiety tends to peak between 10 and 18 months.
Knowing this is a normal phase is little comfort, though. And while my husband reminds me that I will miss this when I one day have a teenager who pretends I don’t exist, he is also not the one who is suddenly living with an extra appendage.
So, aside from deep breaths and maybe a margarita, here’s what I’m going to try to do to get through this phase in one piece:
- Give him new activities. While he certainly has plenty of toys, I could make more of an effort to get him involved in sensory play and other activities that might hold his attention longer.
- Redouble my efforts to always get out of the house with him. Little Y always enjoys new places and faces, even if it just means walking around Target with him in the cart.
- Let Papa Y have more one-on-one time with him. As I write this, Papa Y and Little Y are at Kindermusik together. Normally, I would go too, but after a day of clinginess followed by a trip to No Nap Land (otherwise known as Nonapistan) the break was much needed.
- Try not to let my frustration show. Little Y feeds off my emotions. As soon as I let on that I’m ticked, he knows. And it just makes the situation worse.
Have you dealt with a clingy child? What helped you (and your child) get through it?
pomegranate / 3053 posts
Does he stay home? My kids do and my oldest was SUPER clingy. I enrolled him in toddler and me classes from 18-months until 2.5 years and he was pretty much clingy the entire time. I was hoping taking classes will help him out of his shyness and it did, sort of. Then I enrolled him in preschool at 2.5 years when I was in my last trimester with my second and that helped. And once he turned 3 and his little brother came along he stopped being so clingy. It’s like he grew up instantly. He’s actually the opposite now. He runs away from me when we’re out. Although, in new environments and with new people he’ll still stay by my side. I’ll take that. At least I know he won’t walk off with strangers. I think it just takes time. At least that was the case with my son. I actually miss him being so clingy b/c it’s much harder to get him to come back to me. LOL! Sorry, I know I was no help. :\
squash / 13199 posts
My niece and nephew were very clingy with their dad after he returned from a week long trip. They had never been away from him that long and I think they were scared if they left him for a moment he might leave again.
honeydew / 7504 posts
I don’t have any advice, as I’m not a mom yet, but “Nonapistan” made me chuckle. Totally hijacking that one, hee hee!
blogger / eggplant / 11551 posts
I could’ve written this post!! My daughter has always been such a huge mama’s girl, and I can’t even grab a drink of water without her pitter pattering behind me. I call myself Mother Goose and her my little duckling because that’s how I feel all the time!
admin / wonderful grape / 20724 posts
Cling-on… I see what you did there!
Great post!!
admin / watermelon / 14210 posts
wow he looks so tall there! amazing just how fast they grow up.
i think every kid goes through that phase. next month you’ll probably be writing about how he’s off and running and you have to chase him everywhere!
guest
Time. that’s what worked for us with DD and we’re hoping with DS.
Right now my 11 month old would just be peachy keen if he was in my womb. The moment I put him down he wails.
The funniest part of the whole thing is when I’m carrying him around and not wearing him in the baby carrier, he likes to hold onto my breast with his hand. I’m not joking. I move it, he moves it back.
My husband is ready to take a photo of it and use it for our Christmas card.
guest
This post had me cracking up and that picture is the cutest!
I have a 13 month old and the other morning I had to draw the line while getting ready for work– he wanted me to hold him while blow drying my hair. Not possible! So he whimpered the entire time. I went to work with semi-wet hair.
I just think everything is a phase that quickly passes and I’ll be sure to remind him of this time when he is a tennager and doesn’t want anything to do with me.
The one thing that we have that is a big help– the dog! Sometimes he gets more clinged on than me. Sorry puppy!
wonderful pear / 26210 posts
Yup, tell me about it. I brought my son to a playgroup today and ALL of the kids were literally clinging onto their mothers. It was not the best day, I guess!
blogger / pineapple / 12381 posts
We had a cling-on toddler too. Honestly, the most amazing progress has been putting her in Montessori. Her capacity for independent play has exploded and her self-confidence and independence have blossomed through the program!
guest
If I remember correctly, this clinginess could be because your child is almost at the point where he’s figured out that if you go somewhere and they can’t see you, you still exist. Only, because he doesn’t totally grasp that concept yet, he panics when you’re out of sight. It should go away on its own at some point, especially if he’s been happy playing on his own before this.
GOLD / wonderful apricot / 22646 posts
awww i don’t know how i’ll handle this if it happens to us; i may be the cling-on!
apricot / 457 posts
Haha, I can see him mentally calculating the distance between you two and being ready to start screaming once you hit the 5 feet 1 inch distance.
blogger / pomelo / 5400 posts
@erwoo: He does; I’m a SAHM, at least for the time being. We do a baby music class and storytime every week, and he may come out of his shell a bit by the end, but not much. We may enroll him in a Mom’s Day Out program at some point if I don’t go back to work soon.
@Mrsbells: When I got back, he kept toddling over to me, hugging me, toddling away, and then turning around and hugging me again. It was sweet, but also like he was reassuring himself that I was really back and I wasn’t going anywhere again!
@mrbee: Nerd humor FTW
@Mrs. Jacks: Montessori is definitely on my radar for when he’s a bit older!
pomegranate / 3053 posts
@Mrs. Yoyo: Yeah, my son was the same way – opened up a bit towards the end of class. We did Kindermusik and during my first trimester with my second he still wanted me to hold him, even when we had to stand up and go in circles in the class. I couldn’t do it anymore and enrolled him in preschool. Haha! It was one of the best thing I did for him. And helped him transition to having a new little brother. Give him some time and he will come out of his shell when he’s ready.
GOLD / wonderful pomegranate / 28905 posts
@Mrs. Yoyo: We’re going through this right now and it’s driving me to the edge of crazy town!! And I get to leave for work!
LO just turned 15 months….when did this end for you??