Before I had children, I was like many people pre-kids: I had ideas and notions about things I would and would not do once I became a parent.  And as every parent knows, you end up eating those words pretty quickly once you are thrown into the fire of raising a child vs. thinking about raising a child.

I was pretty heavily invested in the idea of babywearing before Drake was born. I dreamed of always being close to him, and babywearing made the most sense. I also reasoned that since I was going to go back to work shortly after Drake was born and he would come with me, I would need to have my hands free.  At home I could still walk the dogs while babywearing him. After asking around on my forums, I settled on the  Baby K’Tan which was similar to the Moby wrap.

Then Drake was born. I held this fragile tiny breakable baby for the first time, and things changed. I had never held a baby before Drake, and he just seemed so delicate to me. Changing his clothes became a frightful concept with his little arms and legs being pulled all over, as well as the constant need to support his head.  I remember always being fearful that I wasn’t supporting Drake’s head properly and that it would some how snap back and he would die.

Now the idea of the K’Tan wrap became a daunting concept.  How was I going to wrap these layers around myself while also propping up my wobbly baby, and insert them into this wrap? I watched video after video online where moms did it effortlessly, but my own paranoia of not holding him properly, let alone trying to maneuver him into this contraption, got the best of me. Also I was afraid of user error where I would improperly use the wrap and Drake would somehow fall out of it to his death.  I tried the wrap a few times at home but mostly it felt awkward, unnatural, and I never let my hands let go of him, worrying about him falling through. It really didn’t become that experience I had dreamed of before he was born.

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Drake checking out the world from the K’Tan

After returning the K’Tan, I decided to do a little more research into other kinds of carriers.  I read up on Mei Tais, ring slings, buckle carriers etc.  I found out through a mom’s group that there was a seller about an hour away from me who had all different kinds of carriers. She provided a consult to help you figure out what worked best for you, as well as let you try things out at her store so you could see what you liked.  I decided to give babywearing another go guided under this woman’s expertise. At her store I tried out a few carriers, but ultimately decided that I felt the most comfortable with a buckle carrier.  The buckles gave me a larger sense of security and less worry that Drake would fall out due to my error. After trying out a few out at the store I settled on the Beco Butterfly, which was similar to the popular Ergo.

I returned to work in early September when Drake was just 3 months old, and decided to give my Beco a try. Even though it was a more structured carrier, there were still a lot of buckles and configurations.  I tried to use it at work mostly, but still found the process daunting and I never felt like Drake was happy in it.  After a week or two, I returned to the comfort of holding him in my arms and strollers.  I decided that despite my earlier thoughts, perhaps babywearing was simply not for me. I loved my stroller and I held Drake when he needed to be held, so I just found a way to manage and my Beco disappeared into the back of the closet.

When Juliet was born, I discovered that she absolutely loved to be held.  Even moreso than Drake, who loved the swing, Juliet was the happiest when she was snuggled next to you in your arms.  The first few weeks of Juliet’s life she simply passed from one set of arms to another, as she hated being set down. Once Juliet got older and Mr. Chocolate returned to work and my MIL stopped coming over as often, I was left at home with a toddler and a newborn that lived in my arms. My ability to be productive plummeted as I was constantly relegated to only having one free hand at all times. It was impossible to perform basic tasks at times, and very hard to help Drake. Mr. Chocolate mentioned the Beco, and I dismissed the idea. I was not a babywearer, as I’d learned from my previous experience.  More frustrating days and weeks would pass, I would vent to friends on Facebook of my inability to get a thing done all day, and many mentioned babywearing again.  I finally dug out my Beco and washed it, but left it sitting in the corner of our bedroom. I realized that I had lost the newborn head support piece and Juliet was too little to hold her own head still.

Then one day I read about a local alpaca farm having an event. I knew Drake, who loves all animals big and small, would love the idea of going to a farm.  We made plans to go visit the following weekend.  On the day of our trip, I decided to throw the carrier into the car because we may not be able to push a stroller on the farm.  When we arrived, there was only grass surrounding the alpaca pens, so I decided to give the carrier a try rather than struggle all day with the stroller.  At 3 months of age Juliet had better head control, and I figured I could keep my hand placed behind her head the entire time as well in case.  Since Mr Chocolate was around, he could wrangle Drake too.

After struggling for several minutes trying to remember how to work the contraption, I manged to get Juliet in and up.  The hood of the carrier came up high enough to actually support Juliet’s head that it wasn’t an issue.  As we walked around the farm, Juliet curiously peeked around and soon I forgot I was even babywearing.  My arms, which for months had been in constant use holding a baby, felt light and free.  I was able to hold Drake’s hand as we looked at the alpacas.  Soon after I noticed Juliet had fallen asleep.

When it was time to leave, it was so easy to slip Juliet out of the carrier to place in her car seat.  I even met another mom while we were touring the farm babywearing her 9 month old.  She came over and struck up a conversation with me because she noticed my carrier (she had an Ergo), and we exchanged information for a playdate since we were both local.

My entire notion of babywearing was turned upside down that day. For so long I was simply convinced I was simply not a babywearer and thas was it.  And with this experience I discovered that maybe that isn’t the case anymore. Juliet seems happier in the carrier than Drake ever did and that might have made the biggest difference.  She doesn’t struggle or get upset, and she was obviously comfortable enough to fall asleep. Now that I have two kids, in some ways babywearing is more inevitable as it’s harder to not have use of my hands when I have another child that needs me too.

Babywearing at the apple farm

While I still dont think I love babywearing the way some mothers do, I do feel like it might work better this time around so maybe I can be in the “like babywearing” category now.  I still like using my stroller when I’m out alone as it’s hard to get all the buckles done on my own, and it’s kind of a pain to take Juliet in and out. But when we go places that aren’t stroller friendly like farms and the beach, it’s great to not have to worry about pushing the stroller too.  In the end I find babywearing works for me in some situations, but I still don’t plan on using it for all situations.

Did babywearing work out for you?