Hellobee

Now that I have two children, I find my attention is always split. I rarely have a moment with one of them before the other needs me again, and most days I’m juggling around both of them not giving either my fullest attention even when I am around.  It makes me sad and I try to remind myself this is only temporary since Juliet is still so young and needy, but part of me mourns for both of them — for Drake who can tell the difference between how I use to spend time with him, and now and for Juliet who will never really ever get my full undivided attention being the second child.

Mommy time yay

For Juliet especially, I feel sad about this.  I think back to when Drake was little, and how I relished playing with him when he was awake.  I would sing to him, read him stories, try to get him to do tummy time and all of the other developmentally appropriate things he needed at the times.  With Juliet the months have rolled by, and I realize how little I have been able to do with her.  When she was smaller, I didn’t mind so much as newborns don’t really do much other than sleep, eat, and make messes.  Her awake time at that point was so short, that there wasn’t a lot of time to do anything before she would get tired or overstimulated and cranky.  But now as she closes in on 4 months, she is more alert and curious about her surroundings, and I think back to how I would play and engage with Drake at this age.

Nowadays though, once the day has started it so hard to ever find time to do any one thing, let alone focus solely on her. A lot of times I wish she would hurry up and go back to sleep so I can put her down to attend to Drake, and the million other things that pop up during the day. I do end up holding her for a lot of the day, but then I’m rushing around trying to accomplish other things rather than engaging her. And when she is in my arms, she can’t really practice rolling or sitting up or other developmental things.

Another challenge is that Juliet’s fussy periods can start as early as mid-afternoon where she refuses to be set down much at all.  Often from around 3pm on, I’m relegated to holding her in my arms unless she is asleep and I can put her down.  That leaves the window of time for me to be hands-free very short, and I try to cram everything I need to do with two hands as quick as possible — starting dinner prep, getting Drake’s meals set up so I can just pass them to him later, any phone calls, bills, or emails I need to send out,  showering if I’m lucky, trying to eat myself, cleaning if I can get around to it or if the house is so filthy it demands it, etc.

Some of that can be done later after Mr. Chocolate comes home or if Juliet actually takes a real nap vs her 10-30 minute ones which she is well known for. But usually by the end of the day I’m ready to put Juliet down for bed, eat dinner, put Drake to bed, have about one hour to myself to mindlessly do whatever I want, and go to bed myself to get enough rest to start the process all over the next day.

While Drake also suffers from this new change in our lives, he also is older and can entertain himself and often will even if I am around to play.  Also after Juliet goes to bed around 5-6, we have a few hours before bed to spend together, and he gets his usual bedtime routine of stories, cuddles, and endless goodbyes before he actually goes to bed himself.  I wish I could play with him more than I do, but I also know that I do spend time with him and engage with him even if it’s just talking to him throughout the day. Maybe on the weekends I can find some time to take Drake out for special small trips, or just to run a few errands him and me. But how to find time with Juliet?

Juliet is happiest in the morning.  Her wake up time is usually around 6-7, but we are almost always up before 8.  Drake, for the most part, doesn’t wake up till 8 most days, and like a lot of grown ups Drake is kinda grumpy when he first wakes up. In the past Mr. Chocolate and I have made the mistake of going in the moment we hear him or see him sitting up in the bed, only to be met with the grumpiest, whiniest, crankiest toddler that ever lived. After a few occasions like that, we learned that Drake needs some time in the morning to himself after wake up.  Usually he needs about half an hour to himself, if not a little longer, and we tend to wait until we hear him singing and playing nicely before entering. If it’s dead quiet but we see him awake on the monitor, we know to just let him be.

Juliet on the other hand is the happiest in the early morning time, full of smiles and coos. Since Drake isn’t awake yet, I can spend some quality time with her playing, talking, and even working on tummy time and rolling over. Sadly for me Juliet at her happiest isn’t always when mommy is the happiest or even awake, but I’ve gotten used to this routine and I do treasure watching the sun rise every morning with my sweet girl.  Sometimes if I cant rouse myself out of bed to play, I lay with her and we have some girl talk and giggles instead.

Morning snuggles

Another time we can spend alone is when Drake is at school twice a week.  Drake attends pre-K between 9-11:30 on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and let me tell you two and half hours never flies by faster. I feel like I drop him off, come home and try to do a few things, and I need to be back at the school for pick up again.  I used to try to cram those days with errands to run with just Juliet as it’s easier with one child, but I never managed to get all the things I wanted done no matter how I tried timing it. Nowadays I try to do one or two really quick errands before heading home to nurse, shower, and sit down with Juliet for some quality time.  Some days we read books together, other times we work on tummy time, and other times she falls asleep in my arms. In those moments I can sit and have peace in the house for once, and let her get the rest she needs without worrying about her brother waking her up with his playing or tantruming.  I try to break up my errands now and do some during the week with both of them as a means to get out of the house, or save them for the weekend when Mr. Chocolate is home and can stay with both kids or one while I take the other one with me.

So excited about being able to lift her head up

Bath time is another great time since I am solely focusing on her during the process. In the future I plan on bathing both kids together to save time, but for now since Juliet is still so small and uses her own tub. I wash them every other day on opposite days.  Juliet loves bath time for now and seems to really enjoy the warm water, so I tend to bathe her for longer just to extend our time together.  Even afterwards when I’m drying her off we can get some fun moments.

Bath time 

Lastly I recently received a free month at Gymboree for Juliet.  I use to take Drake to Gymboree classes from when he was 7 months old to right before Juliet was born.  He had such a good time and I admit I miss it not only for him, but for me too.  It was nice to get out and be with other moms with kids the same age, and I got to know the staff well and they truly took a shine to Drake. I knew once Juliet was born I would never be able to take these kind of classes with her anymore because of time, money, and just the struggle of balancing two children at all times. I checked the schedule and Juliet’s level class is on Saturdays, which would mean I could leave Drake at home for that short time and just go with Juliet.  I know this will only be a month’s worth of class as we probably can’t afford to sign up for a regular class for just Juliet now, but still it will be nice to have just a month where we can play, learn and even make friends for the both of us.

So while I know that it’s not the same one on one attention I was able to devote to Drake, I’m doing what I can and I do hope that Juliet and I find a way to have our own special time and relationship together because of it.