Hellobee

In our house we have had an ongoing infestation.  Well not our whole house, just the closets.  It’s not something we can call an exterminator for.  Mr. Train and I unfortunately cannot win this battle and I fear it will continue to plague our house for years.  Some nights it is out of control and other nights it goes completely unnoticed. These pests are very difficult to fight because Mr. Train and I cannot see them. No matter how many times we are brought into the kids’ room by shrill cries of fear, we cannot catch them.   Yes it is true… we have, and have had for over 2 years, monsters in our closets.

I don’t know how it happened or why these swarms seem to arise in every child’s room, but inevitably it does. There are all varieties of monsters that can take any number  of forms. Ours started with the Grinch. James came out and told me the Grinch scared him.  I said OK we don’t have to read any books or watch the videos with the Grinch.  He told me it wasn’t THAT Grinch that scared him — it was the Grinch in his closet.  Mr. Train and I laughed a little bit.  Unfortunately at the time we didn’t realize how bad this invasion would get.  We were new to the realm of closet monsters although we both suffered from them as children. We tried our best to remember those times when we were so scared of our closets and come up with the best tactics for monster fighting.

These are the ways we have been handling our monsters.

1.    Telling them there are no monsters

Umm…..this did not work.  You might be able to try it, but with ours this was not even a possible answer.  No matter what we said there was no convincing them that monsters were not in their closet.  We opened the closet door and showed them every inch.  We climbed in the closet to show them there was nothing in there.  We shined flashlights in during the night, but those pesky monsters know to hide from us and there was going to be no room for rationalizations.

First it started with Mr. Train catching the Grinch and putting him in the trash can on trash day so he could get back to the dump on Mount Crumpit.  Unfortunately Mr. Train’s tactic didn’t work.  That sneaky Grinch found his way back to the very same closet we had removed him from. What are the odds right?

Sometimes we had grand crusades with swords in hands and our battle armor ready as we stormed the bedroom to fight off any monsters.  This happened to be one of the boy’s favorite games for awhile.  I have stormed the closet more times than I care to admit wearing child’s size armor dress up clothes, often with Lilly in my arms waving her own sword.  (There are no pictures of these events but I am sure you can imagine the ridiculousness of the scene.)

3.    Monster Spray

This was something that was ingrained in my mind from my childhood.  When I was tormented by closet monsters, my mom used Monster Spray. Luckily enough she is right next door and was able to pass on the secret family recipe for the all powerful spray. I believe my mother used an aerosol room deodorizer that with a little bit of mommy magic, was transformed into this monster deterrent. I chose to go with a cheap spray bottle.  With a Sharpie and a few left over Halloween stickers, I had an official Monster Spray bottle.

Now only Mommies and Daddies can work the magic and turn the water in the bottle into this wonderful potion.  Good thing my kids have me around… otherwise those malicious monsters would come pouring out of every closed door.  If you try to work your own monster spray magic, you might want to consider doing it in very small amounts because little hands can sometimes overuse the spray and it results in a very wet bedroom.

Once the recipe is complete, I spray all of the critical spots in the room that require monster repelling. I always make sure the closet gets a good spritzing. Often the boys request a spray at the foot of their beds and the doorway to their room. Every once in awhile I let them assist in the monster spray but I don’t always recommend it.  A spray bottle plus lots of boy energy plus time to go to bed does not equal an easy bedtime.

Monster Spray: a mother’s secret weapon

4.     The all powerful Teddy bear or other monster deterring stuffed animal.

The power of a good stuffed animal is highly underrated.  My boys have quite a few stuffed toys, but there have been two that have really been outstanding monster fighters.  First we have the guardian snakes.  Monsters are afraid of snakes.  Did you know that?  I didn’t, but luckily Mr. Train knew this trade secret. Coincidentally on the day when a particularly nasty monster had taken our closets hostage, we had been to the zoo and each boy got a big stuffed snake.  So now our snakes have a great place of honor right in front of the closet door where they can fight off monsters with great efficiency.  Monsters don’t even want to open the closet door with three snakes right there.

Our guardian snakes ready to protect

The second line of defense in the fight against the closet monsters has been our Build-a-Bear Teddy bears.  All of the kids got to go to Build-a-bear with their grandparents.  It was quite the event.  As we left the store I realized we had an elite fighting team of bears. We came home with a Batman, a Spiderman and a Jedi.  What fantastic luck!  Just when we needed some super hero teddy bears, they came to our aid.  Each night we tuck the boys in with their teddy bears and make sure the guardian snakes are by the closet.

(original illustration source via Eduardo Alto)

This battle is a fight that most parents face at some point.  These darned monsters just seem to pop up in every kid’s room and ours of course are no different.  For a bit I thought we had them on the run, but now I know they are just quietly waiting. Then every once in awhile they decide to peek out and reveal themselves through a shadow or a slight noise, which we immediately get notified about through tears and screams.  So far Lilly’s closet has remained uninhabited, but I am sure it’s only a matter of time before the battle for her closet begins. I no doubt will again don my monster fighting armor with monster spray in hand and a fierce monster fighting teddy in the other, because I am a mom and that’s what we do.

Do you have monsters in your closets yet?  If so how have you handled them?