When I jumped into the world of parenting, it was in a two for the price of two kind of deal. My sweet, big boys are identical twins, which means that genetically speaking they’re pretty much as close to being the same person as any two humans can be. In fact, we always say they were the same person for a couple of days before the egg split. Not only are they derived from the same fertilized egg, but they also were subject to pretty much identical parenting (both our successes and failures). In families with all single births, every kid has a different set of parents–you change with each child: you learn, you grow, and you parent differently. With multiples, though, they have the same parenting, too.

Twin parentingEllen Kimbrough Photography

What all this tells me is that if there’s a right way to parent–whether it be regarding sleep, eating, discipline, or demonstrating love–it should be evident with identical twins. So, here’s a truth, friends: when it comes to parenting, there is no “right” answer. There are a million different “right” answers and you have to find the right one for every kid. Even though my boys are about as alike as you can be, they have to be parented differently sometimes. What works for one often doesn’t work for the other and we have to go back to the drawing board and start over.

With each stage our big boys have hit, with each new challenge, I always find myself searching for the magic solution that will work. And every time, I have to relearn and remind myself that you just can’t take short cuts. You have to experiment and try and see what works for this particular baby. Sure, as a second-time parent you have a few familiar tools already in your belt to try out, but at the end of the day, our little people are individuals and you have to learn to parent this particular little person.

So on some desperate day or night, when you find yourself googling “How to get your baby to sleep?” or “How to make my toddler sleep?” by all means test out whatever method the internet happens to swear is “right,” but just remember that no two kids are alike and “right” for one may be completely “wrong” for the other. Thankfully, children are beautifully resilient and they come through all of our parenting misadventures with little ill effect. As long as we keep loving them and keep looking for the “right” way to parent this particular kiddo, I think we’ll all do just fine in the long run.