Full disclosure — I’m terrified of giving birth even though I have done it twice before. In truth I almost feel more nervous and scared about the whole prospect of labor and delivery this time around than I did the first time with Drake. I think a lot has to do with knowing what’s coming: the pain, the work in pushing out a baby, the unpredictability of when labor will actually end.
When I was pregnant with Drake I always knew labor would hurt, but I guess in the same way you can’t prepare for a newborn despite all the ideas you have about sleepless nights and crying babies, there is nothing like actually experiencing it firsthand. Drake’s birth was actually relatively painless, but I feel like the amount of pushing at the end traumatized me, as well as his early newborn days, which is why I waited 3 years before having Juliet. In the months leading up to Juliet’s birth I remember feeling scared and nervous about birth, similarly to how I feel now, because I had the memory of Drake’s still in my mind. In the end Juliet’s birth was a lot smoother and faster than Drake’s was, and yet even after that experience I’m still scared this time around.
For both Drake and Juliet’s birth I delivered naturally. I had gone into both with the notion of wanting to try natural birth for numerous reasons. I wanted to see how painful birth would feel like (painful!) and I reasoned that many woman before the introduction of modern medicine endured it and gave birth that way. I also wanted the least amount of medical intervention, so long as it was safe, simply because I tend to err on the side of less medicine in general for my life and birth was no exception. These were just my own choices and reasons and after going through my long labor with Drake, it seemed better that I didn’t have an epidural. I read that can often cause issues with pushing, which ultimately was my biggest hurdle, as I never felt the urge to push.
Truth be told though I do feel some kind of internal pressure to have another natural birth even though I’m not sure if that’s what I want now. Obviously I have done it in the past and it is supposed to get easier and quicker with each pregnancy (Juliet’s was much shorter in every aspect), but I know there is going to be some time period of extreme pain. Even though Juliet’s birth went so much smoother, the pain I recall seemed more intense and stronger in a shorter concentration of time. The pain, the powerlessness to make it stop, the ticking of the clock, the wondering when will this just end already…
I know I can get an epidural whenever I want, and it’s my choice and decision, but I also feel guilty about wanting one when I didn’t have one with my other two children. So as the weeks draw closer I keep battling these internal thoughts, coupled with the memories of my past labors reminding me of what’s to come. It’s not pretty and I think up to the moment of this one’s arrival I will be battling these thoughts and choices until I hold my new baby in my arms. I don’t even know what the right choice is because really there is no right or wrong when it comes to birth and all the unpredictability it can bring. I just hope that when the time comes I can leave all these worries behind me and focus on the most important task at hand — delivering a healthy baby regardless of how that birth occurs. Wish me luck!
Did you have different types of births for your second/third/etc. children?
blogger / nectarine / 2010 posts
I had the mercy epidural after 27 hours with M and it let me sleep so I could have the energy to push after 34 hours. I had nothing with P. In both I found that labor with a doula was fine. It wasn’t pain I couldn’t deal with, I’d do it again med-free for labor. But pushing out a 9lb baby med-free sucked. I wanted to “go as long as possible” without an epidural but wish I’d just gotten one before it was too late. I figure I’ve tried it both ways and I am a big proponent of less medication, but I do kinda wish I’d had it with P.
cherry / 175 posts
I remember thinking these two thoughts during my contractions with #2.
“Holy Sh*t this hurts – OMG I can’t handle this”
as soon as it was over.
“Ok, that wasn’t so bad. I could do it again.”
It was just a series of I can do that again. I can do that again. I can do that again. Even though they did hurt
A LOT.
I had both kids medication free – with a doula (she was a lifesaver for applying counter pressure!), and if there was a third would have the same game plan. Luckily for me I have quick deliveries and even my 9lb 11oz babe was out in just a couple of pushes. (Don’t worry – I didn’t get off that easy – the rest of pregnancy was filled with puking, heartburn, kidney stones, pulled ab muscles, and major rib pain.)
I’m assuming your 3rd delivery will be even smoother than the second
Your body knows what to do!
grapefruit / 4988 posts
I have only had one baby, but just wanted to say, please do not feel guilt for considering the epidural! I went into my labor hoping for a natural childbirth but I simply couldn’t bear the pain. I got the epidural and have never regretted it. It did not lead to the “cascade of interventions” that I feared it would, but it did let me relax a bit and enjoy some time with DH before LO arrived. I had a positive experience and I don’t think it made my childbirth any less special than if I had been med-free. Just my two cents.
cherry / 187 posts
I had those same exact feelings before baby #2. I had #1 naturally and I wondered if I could or even wanted to do it that way again. With baby #2, I had an open mind about how it would go. I would start medication free, but if I decided I wanted medication, I was open to receiving it. Well, baby #2 came super fast (~4hrs labor total) so I don’t even think I had the choice since I was at the hospital less than 45 mins before baby #2 was born. It was SO much more intense in that short period of time so I actually thought that I would have medication when I was leaving for the hospital (not knowing how fast things were happening). The nurses must have known there wasn’t time as they said “you want to do this natural again, right?” Me: “Ummmmm.” Nurses: “You did this once, you can do it again.” And that was that! I’ll be interested to see what you end up deciding as thinking about giving birth with an epidural sounds more peaceful to me (and I may be completely WRONG since it isn’t an experience I’ve had!).
guest
I’ve had 2 med-free, but you shouldn’t feel guilty for considering an epidural. My labours (well now that I’ve gone through 2) seem to follow a pattern — slow to warm up, then I hit transition and stall, my midwives do something (first kid it was stair lunges, 2nd it was rebozo shimmying) and the baby falls out of me. Kid #1 I went from saying I’m having a baby to baby in arms in 10 min, for kid #2 it was 2 min. For kid 2 (they didn’t check me for kid 1), I went from 8cm to done in less than 15 minutes. Crazy. But, since I”m slow to warm up, labour 1 was 24 hours and labour 2 halved it with 12 hours from when I started to feel contractions to kid in arms. Whatever you decide, will be the best for you and baby!
guest
I had wanted an unmedicated birth, but when I was induced at 37weeks, all went differently. Needless to say, the pain was not sustainable and I opted for the epidural quickly. No guilt whatsoever. I didn’t feel the urge to push, but I don’t think it was due to the epidural because I felt plenty by the time it was time to push and I was asked to push because baby was not descending and sometime it would kick start the process. He was just not ready to come out, yet I basically had to push him out, it wasn’t pretty. But I was actually very satisfied with the epidural and how much I felt. Enough for it to be an uncomfortable experience but not traumatizing (except for the beginning). Now that I’m expecting my second, I do wonder if my delivery process goes more normally, would I want to try going natural? Some moments I think yes, and then others I think I’m crazy for not opting for the epidural.
guest
With my first guy I had an epidural between 6-8cm (it took 5 tries for them to do it) about 20 hours into labour and with my second I unintentionally did it naturally. Without a doubt if we had a third I would do the epidural again just for the pushing/recovery. I felt so much better after #1 and I think it is in part because not only did the epidural help during the hours of pushing but also I did not have to feel anything while being stitched up and it just sort of wore off as the advil was kicking in and I never had to feel any major discomfort after the fact. With #2 it all just hurt (contractions were fine but ring of fire, pushing, recovery were horrible) and I felt like crap after without the pain relief of the epidural. I don’t think there is anything to feel bad about if you opt for an epidural. It can make a painful experience easier physically and mentally. Put yourself first, do what YOU want and don’t let guilt play a role in the decision. Good luck!
olive / 64 posts
Epidurals are amazing. I felt like I was float on a warm happy cloud
I have no regrets. Try not to let the mom guilt start so early! If you want the meds go for it lady! If not that cool too 
hostess / wonderful persimmon / 25556 posts
Great post. I’m only having one but I appreciate you expressing your fears as I’m sure they’re the same as many other second, third, etc moms!!!
guest
I had an unmedicated home birth with my first. I just had my second baby 10 days ago and had an epidural, which I loved. I did well breathing through contractions for a few hours, but they started doubling up, giving me no break to recover. I was at 7 or 8 cm and the anesthesiologist was on the maternity unit so I decided to have one. It was great for me, I could still move my legs and feel pressure to push. But no pain. My labor progressed quickly and I was able to push effectively since I wasn’t in pain and panicked. Baby was out after 5 minutes of pushing. I was so much more present for this experience. If I have a third baby, I will request an epidural, and won’t wait as long to do so.
grapefruit / 4291 posts
I had a long and heavily medicated birth with my first baby (epidural, pitocin, antibiotics and ventouse delivery) and a shorter “natural” delivery with my 9lb12oz son (I had gas for pain relief during the three hours I was stuck at 9cm). My aim was to go “natural” for each labour but my plan was to take it as it came and I have to say that labour without an epidural was really unpleasant although recovery was so much easier!!
Having had both types of birth I can definitely see both sides of the story and If we have a third child I won’t hesitate to get the epidural if I think I need it.
pea / 13 posts
Your post hit home. Everyone is asking me when I’m going to have baby number 2. And to be honest, I’m still traumatized by the fact I had a drug free delivery. Maybe I will want another after more time has passed but I really can’t get over the delivery
guest
I just read this and thought of this post. Just another story to read, but a mom who had an unmedicated birth, figured she would do that again the second time around, though was open to getting the epidural
http://www.designmom.com/2015/05/growing-a-family-jenny-post/
guest
I felt the exact same way with my last baby. I did both methods: my first was an epidural, the 2nd was natural with Pitocin and I jut gave birth to #3 almost 2 weeks ago.
The epidural labor with #1 was incredibly empowering but after a solid year of daily lower-back pain made me rethink my decision for a “pain-free” birth experience. I realize that my case is rare, but I vowed (much to my mother and sister’s confusion) to never go through with that again.
With #2, I had a better idea of what I wanted the delivery to look like, but when my water broke my plans seemed to go out the window: I sat in miserable anticipation for about 20hrs until I decided to admit myself into the hospital. The nurses assured me that a little Pitocin was all I needed to ease the baby out, and off we went.
It was such a fast delivery that I didn’t even have a chance to be scared, but everything seemed so rushed that it felt like I was missing something.
#3 has been worlds different than any other delivery that I’ve had to date; it was *by far* the scariest and most rewarding.
After a contraction passed, my Midwife could tell I was apprehensive and asked me what was wrong.
Amid tears, I confided for the first time that I was terrified of pushing this baby out, because I knew it would hurt. It was like being on a roller coaster and looking at that really big drop, knowing you have nowhere to go but down; you can’t get off and you can’t ask anyone else to do this for you. I. was. terrified.
30mins later, I delivered our 2nd son. It was terribly painful, but again, the most rewarding thing a woman will ever experience.
There’s nothing wrong with admitting the fear… in fact, there’s something powerful about being able to look at it honestly and push through it. This is why we gather certain people around us during labor, because you must be able to trust, not only with your body and the new baby, but also with your heart and soul.