Hellobee

Mr. Dolphin and I are far from perfect parents. Lion and Panda are constantly teaching us how flexible and adaptable we have to be as parents and how much growing we have to do. We will never be perfect parents, but we do the best we can. We read parenting books and blogs, seek advice from our pediatrician and other parents, research like crazy and ultimately try what we think is best, or sometimes multiple things because a lot of parenting advice seems contradictory. Occasionally, what works best (sometimes as a last resort) are things that we were actually advised not to do. I feel a little guilty, but in the spirit of honest sharing of our parenting adventure, here are some of the things we did that we weren’t supposed to. This post covers only things where there is an explicit warning against, not those where advice is contradictory or controversial. I feel like I have to put a disclaimer here saying, I AM NOT A DOCTOR. I HAVE NO MEDICAL TRAINING. MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS DO NOT RECOMMEND THE FOLLOWING PARENTING TECHNIQUES. YOU ARE ADVISED NOT TO DO THE FOLLOWING. But we did them anyway.

Used Crib Bumpers for Lion at Six Months Old

The American Association of Pediatrics (AAP) and others have explicitly advised parents not to use crib bumpers. Apparently, the city of Chicago and the state of Maryland (where we live) have actually banned in-store sales of crib bumpers. We didn’t have any crib bumpers initially, but at around six months old, Lion learned how to roll both ways and we stopped swaddling him/using a sleep suit. Within days, Lion was traveling all over his crib at night and getting his legs stuck in the bars of the crib. Every. Single. Night. As many as ten times in a night. And he would scream and be totally unable to get his limbs unstuck. I know, I know, a “good” parent would have patiently gotten Lion’s feet unstuck every time, given him back his pacifier, rubbed his back and helped him fall back asleep. That was not going to work for us. I did use “breathable bumpers” that are made of mesh, but the AAP still recommends against their use. We asked our pediatrician about them and she didn’t say much. She didn’t explicitly tell us not to use them, but she didn’t seem thrilled about the prospect.

Is there anything sweeter than a sleeping baby? 

Lion still has his crib bumper in his crib and he loves it. There are animals printed on it and we often hear him talking to the animals, roaring like a lion or making monkey sounds when he’s in his bed.

Gave Lion a Breathable Blanket at Six/Seven Months

We had a particularly cold and long winter Lion’s first year. When we stopped swaddling him/using the Merlin’s Magic Sleepsuit, we were concerned that he would be cold at night. After a month where we paid more than $500 in electric charges, we knew we couldn’t run our thermostat the way we had. The traditional sleep sacks didn’t seem that warm because they didn’t cover his arms and one we did find that covered his arms did not seem safe. So we purchased a mesh breathable blanket. We know, of course, that parent are not supposed to put anything in a baby’s crib until one year, and wait until two-years-old for a pillow (we actually did wait on the pillow and Lion was super excited about his pillow on his birthday; he sleeps on it every night and no longer travels around the crib when he sleeps). We asked our pediatrician about this one too, and she thought we needed it for Lion to feel secure, not warm. She advised we give him a lovey instead. We thought Lion would be okay because his daycare lets kids use blankets and we were told that Lion was able to pull the blanket off his face. He was very mobile so we thought it would be fine. Also, while every parent worries about SIDS, we didn’t have any increased risk factors for it.

After about a month, one morning I walked in and his face was completely covered by the blanket, wrapped around him, and he wasn’t moving. I almost had a heart attack as I rushed in and yanked the blanket off him. Luckily, he was just asleep, but that was the last time for the next five months that we let him have that blanket when he was sleeping. I really felt like this was a total disaster for us and felt guilty for months afterward. Panda is not getting a blanket at all until he’s well over a year. And Lion is over two, but we still keep his blanket out of the crib (although that is mostly because he plays with it, then gets mad at it and won’t fall asleep).

Gave Panda a Lovey at Three Months Old

Remember the whole “nothing in the crib before one” rule? Well, we broke it again with Panda. Our pediatrician did explicitly recommend it and Panda was always looking for something to clutch in his sleep. At about two months, you could tell that he was seeking for something, even while fast asleep, his hands going furiously. Once we gave him a small lovey, he slept much more soundly. I will admit, for the first several months, I only let him have it to fall asleep and then would take it away. I do let him have it now because he is much more likely to sleep through the night with it. His lovey is so small that I hope it will not be an issue.

Co-slept with Panda For a Few Hours Many Nights (Without a Co-Sleeper) 

We co-slept with Lion on occasion, but not until he was eight months old or so when he would refuse to go back to sleep at 3am. We could occasionally coax him back to sleep in our bed, but often times he would just be up for the day. He started crawling at nine months and that’s when the co-sleeping was all over because as soon as we brought him to our bed, he’d start climbing all over us.

With Panda, very early on, probably by two months, I would often pull him out of his bassinet and into our bed at 4 am and he would instantly fall back asleep if we put him on our bed. We tried to take precautions and I did make sure that I placed him on top of the covers, away from the pillows and with no chance of a blanket covering him. We didn’t have a co-sleeper, but we did have a king sized bed with a firm mattress, so there was plenty of room for him. When we moved him to his pack-and-play with an actual mattress, he slept much better and would often sleep through the night without stirring. Today, when he does wake up in the middle of the night, we don’t co-sleep as the default because Panda usually requires only a pacifier and will fall back asleep.

Our sweet little Panda wearing, well, a Panda hat gifted by my mom!

We Gave Both Kids Salt Before They Turned One

You’re not supposed to salt an infant’s food, but because we did baby-led-weaning, it was sometimes unavoidable. When Lion was very young, I would often pull food aside for him to try before seasoning the dish with salt or soy sauce. But, we went to Chinese or Japanese restaurants where we would give him food off our plates. Sometimes, I would forget and pour in the soy sauce. I also gave him pickles before age one which he loved. We mostly did our best, but did not follow this rule strictly. Lion loved water and was constantly drinking it (whether he had salt or not), so I tried not to worry too much.

We Gave Our Kids Potential Food Allergens Before They Turned One

This one might be more on the controversial line rather than a strict no, but we gave our kids all types of foods when they were infants. Lion and Panda both had eggs, peanuts (we gave them chicken satay), tree nuts (a dinner with a sauce made from almond butter), fish and shellfish by six months old. Lion had pineapple by about nine months (something I have a mild allergy too). Some studies we read suggested that children may be less likely to develop food allergies if they are given the potential allergens earlier in life and this theory made a lot of sense to us. Children in Thailand or China don’t seem to have the same prevalence of peanut allergies as in the UK or US where many doctors have advised against introducing food allergens early in life. Our pediatrician told us this was a controversial issue and there are studies to support both viewpoints.