Sleep. Everyone needs it, yet few of us seem to get enough of it. And with babies, it determines the mood of an entire household. All moms want their babies to be good sleepers.
At the beginning, Little C was a 2-asleep 1-awake kind of kid, round the clock. It took him a while but eventually the night stretches got longer, and within a few months, Mr. Confetti was bound and determined to sleep train Little C. Thankfully, there was minimal training required. As C gave up the swaddle around 3 months, he started sleeping better at night time, and he slowly figured out night weaning mostly on his own (with Mr. Confetti’s encouragement and a few rough nights of Ferber-style CIO). By 5.5 months, he had cut out all of his night feedings except our last early morning 4:30 a.m. nursing session, and as we completed the weaning process just before he reached six months, he dropped the last feeding and made it all the way through the night.
He was not a good daytime sleeper, but everything I had heard and read said that once a baby’s nights were consistent, the naps would just fall into place. Lies.
Because of upcoming travel and concerns of allowing too many “sleep crutches,” we had transitioned him from the swing to the crib for his naps, and without fail, Little C could not get past the 40 minute nap threshold in his crib. Like clockwork, he was waking at the end of his first sleep cycle, and would not fall back asleep, no matter what I did. Even more enervating, he woke up crabby, clearly in need of more sleep and yet refused to Just. Do. It.
Around that time, I was sitting with Little C at an adorable baby class (where he was acting far less adorably than his peers – he was so overtired). I began chatting with the mom sitting next to me. It turned out that she was a veteran mama – this was her third baby – and she gave me some excellent advice. Shocking at the time, and probably a bit more extreme than I would be comfortable with, but useful advice nonetheless.
Here is what she told me: She put her son down for a nap in his crib twice a day for two hours each time. What he did in there was up to him. He could play, nap, fuss, roll around, whatever. Barring illness or injury, she just let him have his “quiet time” while she worked (she worked part-time from home), twice a day, every day. She usually did not even use a baby monitor. Whether he slept or not (and usually he did), he got down time to either nap or just have some less stimulating time, and at the end of “nap time” he was refreshed and happy.
My mind was blown. As a self-described baby monitor addict, I had never really tried this. When Little C would wake, I would give him 5-10 minutes to see if he would fall back asleep, but it never worked. I typically ran in at the first signs of discomfort, and within an hour of waking, he would be showing signs of sleepiness again. It made for long cranky days for both mom and baby.
The day I chatted with this seemingly crazy but lucky mom, I decided to test her advice, albeit on a less extreme level. I decided I would wait until he had slept (or at least hung out) in his crib for at least an hour. I figured it would be a step in the right direction.
For the first couple days, I would watch in the monitor as Little C woke up after 40 minutes, and then I would let him play or whimper.I stared at my little boy on the monitor, itching to go get him, but I waited and voila! Within 20-25 minutes, he would fall back asleep for anywhere from 30 to 75 more minutes. More sleep – I could not believe it.
After a couple days, his arousal from his first sleep cycle became lighter, and while he might turn his head, shift positions, or grab and reinsert a pacifier on his own, he stopped fully waking up and playing. We were able to shift gears and fall into a great two-a-day nap routine that we are still using to this day… at least for now. And on days when he wakes earlier than planned from a nap, as long as he isn’t a hot hysterical mess, I’m happy to let him play in his crib, which he usually enjoys too.
It’s amazing how much happier and more fun Little C is when he is well rested, and it has had positive effects on his nighttime sleep as well. I drink Dr. Weisbluth’s Kool-Aid: better daytime sleep begets better nighttime sleep and vice versa.
Is your baby a good napper? Have you tried nap training?
Nap Training part 4 of 5
1. Nap Training by Mrs. Bee2. Our Sleep Training Journal by Mrs. Superhero
3. Nap Training an 8 Month Old Baby by Mrs. Bee
4. Nap Training at Six Months by Mrs. Confetti
5. Nap Training for Baby Markers by Mrs. Markers
blogger / persimmon / 1398 posts
I’m laughing a little because I have a post I just finished drafting a post that is the other side of this story. Naps were never really an issue for us, but I was so busy trying to sleep train our guy that you could say I was choosing my battles! This sounds like an awesome scenario for you now though!
guest
How did you transition out of swaddle.my 6 month old like the swaddle but she wakes like yours did and will roll over in the swaddle! So we got rid of it but she wakes herself up constantly without it.
olive / 71 posts
this is such GREAT advice. I am going to try it out and see if it works. My LO also can not get past the 30-40 min mark.
grapefruit / 4400 posts
THIS IS AMAZING. So what if your LO starting crying during that 20-25 minute period of “play time”? How much crying is too much? I really want to try this because C’s naps are no bueno.
blogger / pomegranate / 3491 posts
@OCmama: Good luck!
@Emily: (hope you come back and see this). Dropping the swaddle for us happened unintentionally. We were on vacation, and my mom was watching Little C while we were going out the dinner. She decided to try putting him down without it, and magically, he rolled onto his tummy and slept longer than he ever had. We basically quit cold turkey then and there. Which was crazy because until then, C seemed to have a total phobia of his arms. Good luck!
blogger / pomegranate / 3491 posts
@HabesBabe: I watched him like a hawk on the monitor. I knew he wasn’t hungry and the only thing that would really get him freaked out hysterical was a #2 diaper or a trapped burp, so I would watch and wait. If he was truly wailing, of course I went in, but otherwise I let him whimper and fuss it out a bit.
grapefruit / 4400 posts
@Mrs. Confetti: Can you let me know what times worked for you? 9-11a, 2-4p?
kiwi / 511 posts
I have to say I am mostly a fan of Dr. Weisbluth’s Kool-Aid, but we have a hiccup of daycare. My LO really does still need two naps (1 hour each) at 9 almost 10 months, or at least one 2 hour nap but he doesn’t do it. He goes for roughly 1 hour late morning, he is just too interested in all the comings and goings at daycare. There are people there and they are interesting.
Luckily he is still a really good night time sleeper. He goes down between 6:30-7 and will have one wake up anywhere from 2:30 – 4:30 am there is no consistency, but it is a quick diaper change, bottle and back to bed within 15 or so minutes and he falls asleep very quickly despite looking wide awake to me. And then there are occasional nights where he goes until 5:30 and that point he is up for the morning.
The down side of the one nap, he will occasionally fall asleep in his high chair, and he is more needy. It isn’t enough to be in his walker or excosaucer he NEEDS to be held.
guest
That is exactly how it went for my little man too… had to let him sort his own thing out. He needed to first learn how to fall back asleep at night, when the sleep pull is stronger, and then learn how to do it during the day, when it was less natural for him. He still sometimes will cry out after 45 minutes during his 1-2hr long naps, even at 12mos! But since we got a video monitor at 6mos we know a lot more about his sleep cycles and patterns and let him sort things out and he usually doesn’t even wake now.
honeydew / 7687 posts
Oh I hope this happens for us once he is a little older! LO is almost 4 months and we’ve gotten to where putting him down is easier but he still regularly hits the 25/30 minute mark and wakes. He wakes very happy and completely silent… I’ve tried leaving him in there and he’ll roll around babbling for up to 45 minutes … but has never fallen back asleep
I hate to keep trying because I don’t want him to spend his whole day in the dark, in his crib but hopefully once he is older it’ll work!
blogger / nectarine / 2010 posts
Naps used to suck for us too from 4-6 months. I tried everything, including your technique here and it did. not. work. Nothing worked! I tried every nap training under the sun. Then at 6m he really did just turn a corner and suddenly took two nice naps a day. At 8m he dropped to one nap on his own (ugh) and that was that. He usually naps for 1-1.5 hours now in the middle of the day. Night time was always awesome for us (13-14 hours straight), so I decided to embrace the 20 min nap when he was 4m old
If there’s a next time, we’ll be going with this plan.
blogger / pomegranate / 3491 posts
@HabesBabe: This gets a bit tricky – I may blog about it, but I don’t do set times each day. The way I manage timing is putting him down 2 hours after he wakes, and then for nap 2, putting him down 3 hours after nap 1 ended. 4 hours max after the end of nap 2, it’s bed time. It’s called the 2-3-4 schedule.
@Mrs.Maven: That is SO frustrating. Have you talked to your daycare about it at all? C’s first nap is usually really early in the am – about 2 hours after he first wakes – maybe they would have more luck with nap #2 if nap #1 started earlier?
blogger / pomegranate / 3491 posts
@Mrs. Stroller: Wow! One nap at 8 months – you are one tough mama to manage that at such a young age. Double wow at the 13-14 hour nights. That is amazing – we’re usually at 11-12 here, so naps are crucial to keep from crabby overtired mode.
kiwi / 511 posts
@Mrs.Confetti we have worked with them, and I have to say I really do like the staff there. I think he is just too much like his Momma and he MUST KNOW what is going on and will put off sleep.
They do try to make sure he gets a lot of quite time so he is not constantly crawling around and playing and as he gets older he certainly is adapting well to the one nap a day thing. Some days are better than others but we are working with it.
coconut / 8861 posts
@Mrs.Maven: Have you tried a dream feed with him to prevent the wake ups? It’s been helpful to us in the first couple of weeks of CIO.
pea / 22 posts
My 8 month old is a champion napper. 3 naps a day, all at least an hour. But nighttime is another thing. I have gotten 2 hrs of sleep a night the past 2 weeks…HELP!
coconut / 8681 posts
Thank you so much for this post! E is 5.5 months and does the same thing for naps. You could set a clock by his wakeups at 30-45 minutes and he’s always crabby if I don’t go to extreme measures to put him back to sleep to finish his nap! We are just finishing up nighttime sleep training so I think I’ll tackle this next!
honeydew / 7687 posts
@Mrs. Stroller: you have no idea how high I have my hopes set for 6 months… if I’m still at 20/25 minute naps I will be devastated LOL!
pomegranate / 3225 posts
You read my mind… My LO wakes up after 40 minutes every time she’s in her crib. If she’s in the swing, stroller, car seat, ergo, etc, she will sleep longer. I hate to let her cry but want to try to get her to sleep for longer… Definitely want to start to try this.
guest
Thanks for this, my 6.5 mo napped well until 4 months when the 30-45 min naps started. It drove me crazy for weeks and I tried everything before deciding to give up since she was ok at night and it was making both of us miserable. Just this morning after her 30 min I went in, took her out of her sleeping bag, put the blind up, and let her play. She was happy for 20+ minutes which was lovely. Tomorrow I might leave it dark and see what happens though!
cherry / 248 posts
This post is so timely for me. My daughter just turned 5 months yesterday and I was googling 5 month schedules to try to refresh my memory. My sons are almost three and I did write some things down but it is amazing how much you forget so fast. Thanks for mentioning 2-3-4 because that’s what I did with my sons and was trying to remember for my daughter. I think they were easier sleepers since they had each other(identical twins who slept in same crib until they were 6 months). Also I pumped for them so their eating was more scheduled whereas I am feeding on demand with my daughter so we have no set schedule but things are starting to work themselves out and I think I will be working towards a better nap routine as we approach 6 months.
A heads up for all you new mommies that teething is on its way around 6 months so sleep my suffer a bit or a lot depending on your child. My boys always went through a few rough nights each time they cut a tooth. It seemed worse at the time but after having one or two kids you realize it is all a phase and doesn’t last forever. I know it may sound crazy but savor those sleepless nights a bit they don’t last forever(hopefully) and they grow up so fast before you know it they aren’t little babies you can cuddle so easily. Now that I have a baby again I look at my toddlers and sometimes wish I had another day with them as little babies to cuddle.
pear / 1837 posts
Trying this today! LO wakes after 30 minutes like clockwork! She just doesn’t sleep much (her horrible nighttime sleep is another story, she’s up every hour!). She has a cold now and napped for 1 hour 15 minutes yesterday because she NEEDED it and she did end up sleeping better last night.
kiwi / 511 posts
@cascademom I am not sure what CIO stands for. Mine is just about 10 months old (only 10 days away). We tried dream feeds but they do not work for him. He is very very stubborn and apparently just is not a big eater. The first six months were torture because we were at the pedi’s office every single month for weight checks, but he keeps chugging along his growth curve it is just a low one. And he is hitting his milestones, so apparently he is for the moment destined to be a light baby.
If he is not hungry there is no way we are getting him to eat. The kid has jaws of steel and he will clamp them shut and turn his head away if he doesn’t want to eat. And he will bat the bottle away too. We have tried what seems like everything, waiting longer between feeds to get him to eat more at one time, that doesn’t work. So at the advice of our pedi we have a semi schedule and basically feed on demand a lot of smaller meals. Even solids, he likes them but he doesn’t like a lot, we are lucky if he finishes one container (stage 2) at a time it. Plus he is very inconsistent as to how much he will eat at one time, it is horrible for planning. When I first saw what some of the Bees on the board post their 9 month old eats I though holy cow I would need a crowbar to get all that in mine.
grapefruit / 4923 posts
so funny–i just posted on the boards a few days ago because i thought i was the only one with a baby who napped for 45 minutes to 1 hour, stayed awake for an hour (not because he was hungry), and then went back to sleep again. my LO is 8 weeks old so i’m not sure if it would work (also because he doesn’t just whimper, he gets PISSED), but this is something i’m definitely going to keep in mind when he gets to the 3 to 4 month mark. maybe we’ll try it then–thank you so much!
hostess / watermelon / 14932 posts
this is exactly what we did with the girls I nannied! they were stellar night sleepers though…they’d get up 830-9am, nap 11-1p, 3-5p, bed by 7.
I want to do this schedule with LO but she is still working out nighttime kinks..I think I may just stick it! we’re still stuck in 4 40-m naps at 6 months (next week). she wakes up like clockwork!
kiwi / 706 posts
My 7 month-old still doesn’t have a nap schedule. She’s a great sleeper, usually from 7:30-7:15am. She naps anywhere from 40 minutes to 2 hours and 40 minutes. She cannot stay awake for more than 2 hours. Like clockwork she will start rubbing her eyes and stop smiling.
How necessary is a strict schedule? We are generally ok with the napping situation but sometimes a little predictability would be nice!
coffee bean / 36 posts
Great advice…everything has to be tweaked a bit for twins, but this has worked well for us too!
cherry / 175 posts
We may have to try this out with our LO. She usually takes 30-45 minute naps and wakes up tired most of the time. Today she was so tired after not sleeping well last night and taking a very short nap this morning, that she slept for 2.5 hours this afternoon and was in a very good mood afterwards.
But this is rather abnormal. I may begin trying out this ‘quiet time’ in the crib to encourage her to take longer naps. Thanks!