Having a hard time breastfeeding made me feel better about my unplanned cesarean section.
I wanted a ‘natural’ birth (which, now that I’m on the other side, seems like a silly thing to say — birth in ALL forms is natural) and I didn’t get it, and I sort of felt like I failed in some way. I wanted pain relief, I ended up with Pitocin, things didn’t work the way they were designed to despite all kinds of people saying that my body was designed to give birth. I kinda beat up on my body, metaphorically, after that — c’mon body, why don’t you work the way you’re supposed to?
I also had major breastfeeding challenges. M latched early and often and started out gaining weight like a champ but within a few weeks it was evident that her latch was not good, and she started falling off the weight curve. Countless visits to countless lactation helpers revealed a high palate, a disorganized suck, and a mild tongue tie. We had the tie resolved, and did a lot of work to retrain the suck, but I had to exclusively pump for some time. Add in persistent thrush, a hungry kid, and lots of excruciating pain for me, and it’s safe to say that we had a bumpy several months.
So you’d think that having breastfeeding challenges might also feel like my body was failing. But, eventually, I got it through my head that natural doesn’t equal easy. Breastfeeding is natural, but it doesn’t necessarily come naturally. We needed interventions and assistance and yes, medication to figure it all out. At the toughest points of our breastfeeding journey I was not really doing much naturally. And I never once considered saying no, I don’t want your help, because this is natural and my body is supposed to do it on its own. I just wanted to try my hardest for my kid and hopefully do my best for her.
So why is it different when it comes to birth? Birth is natural, but it doesn’t necessarily come naturally. But I got kudos for working our way through breastfeeding challenges while my ‘unnatural’ birth was, and still is, looked down on, in some circles, and in some ways still feels like an upset to me if I dig down deep. Why not give kudos for the end result, regardless? If I can pat myself on the back for taking on one natural, but not easy challenge, I should pat myself on the back for all of them.
I mean, parenthood itself is natural but not easy. I have instincts, but I’m not hardwired to know exactly how to make my child stop crying within 3.5 seconds, especially now that we are in the toddler years. Everything takes work and effort and everything has a challenge within it.
I suppose it’s all a part of that mom guilt we hear so much about — am I making the right choices, am I doing all that I can for my family, how can I improve myself as a mom? I’ve been thinking a lot about this as I make decisions about my second birthing experience, and start planning ahead to consider things like breastfeeding again. I think, having learned this lesson, that I may be able to forgive myself, and my body, if the so-called natural processes need some help along the way, this time.
If you experienced any challenges with things you thought would be easy, how did it feel, and how did it impact you as a parent?
pomelo / 5866 posts
I thought LO’s sleep would be easy. It wasn’t. Sleep deprivation disrupted the peace in my household in more ways than one. If it weren’t for that, I could count babyhood a win in my book. I mean we still didn’t have a birth without meds as I hoped for and had to work hard at the latch but it didn’t bother me as it was over and done. The sleep problem just went on and on and I still don’t sleep consistently 8 hrs like I used to. So alas, no fairy tales. I guess everyone has something that goes wonky. Suffering and sacrifice is so humbling.
blogger / clementine / 985 posts
@808love: Sleep is roughhhhh. I still don’t get consistent sleep either and I definitely feel it! One day we’ll get to rest again, I hope.
cherry / 224 posts
It’s like you are me – induction early because of health issues lead to an emergency c when the baby went into distress (all ok). She has a high palate and sucks only enough to take the hunger edge off so her weight dropped a bit – coupled with a bad latch that gave me huge cracks that are still healing (7 weeks and counting). I’m with ya mama
blogger / clementine / 985 posts
@MrsPastryLady: Hoping it gets better for you! It took a looong time for us but when it finally clicked it went really well and I nursed her until she was almost 2. That palate is just brutal until they grow into/out of it.
blogger / apricot / 389 posts
I loved this post! I think that’s a great mantra that can apply to so many things – Something may be natural, but it doesn’t necessarily come naturally.