Last year we had our first run in with peer pressure and Halloween costumes. I will admit I was not ready for it. So far my sons have had no issues and they are in the second grade. They have picked their costumes, gone to school and everyone was fine. Last year was different. Last year my daughter was in preschool. She picked Hermione Granger, a character she loves and admires. We made her costume and even bought her a Croockshanks cat to carry with her. She was thrilled with her costume and was so excited to wear it on Halloween.

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Then it happened. The day before Halloween they went around their preschool and everyone said what they were going to be. That night I sat with her as she cried about her costume choice. Everyone else was going to be a princess and they didn’t like Hermione. Her costume wasn’t going to be pretty and sparkly and therefore it was deemed a bad choice by her friends. I wasn’t sure how to handle it. Pressure to be like everyone else was starting in preschool?

I sat down with her and asked her why she picked Hermione in the first place. She looked at me like it was the most ridiculous question in the world. She said, “Mom, Hermione is the coolest person. She is smart and nice and can solve any problem. I want to be like Hermione.” I asked her what made her want to be a princess. She said “all the other girls are going as princesses.”

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It really was heartbreaking to me. Here my daughter at age four, was able to articulate that she picked her costume because the character was smart and could solve problems, but was teased because she wasn’t a princess. I asked her what she thought Hermione would do. Would she be the character she wanted because they were awesome or would she be a princess because they were sparkly? It took her awhile but she eventually came to the conclusion that Hermione would definitely pick the costume she thought was the best and not just the prettiest or had the most sparkles. So she went to bed that night feeling better about her costume choice.

When she went to school the next day she walked in her parade with a big smile on her face and loved every minute of it. She was Hermione Granger and she was proud of it. I was proud of her but I still couldn’t believe I was already having these conversations with her about peer pressure and being true to you… at 4 years old. I have a feeling as we traverse being a young girl in today’s society I am going to have many more of these conversations.

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At this time of year when we are picking our costumes and getting ready for some good family fun, I can’t help but think about the Halloween scene in the movie Mean Girls. The main character Cady starts to explain Halloween.

In the regular world, Halloween is when children dress up in costumes and beg for candy. In Girl World, Halloween is the one night a year when a girl can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.

She goes on to say that the hardcore girls just wear lingerie and animal ears all while the dad is looking on in horror as his daughter poses in provocative stances. Cady shows up to the party in what I would consider a pretty good zombie bride costume, but everyone looked at her like she was crazy because her costume was not sexy.

I know that Mean Girls is an exaggeration. But sometimes I think it’s not as exaggerated as I wish it was. I want to raise a strong young girl who is comfortable in her skin. I want her to be able to pick her Halloween costume without being worried about not fitting in. Last year it was princess and sparkles but what happens when she is a teen and everything is super short and super tight? I want her to know she is beautiful without provocative clothing, or without the best or most sparkly outfit. I want her to feel like she can wear the costumes she wants to wear without being teased for her choices.

During the normal school year she doesn’t seem to have a problem telling people she likes her outfits even if they are a little crazy. I don’t know if it helps you picture the craziness, but Mr. Train has mentioned that she reminds him a bit of Punky Brewster. Yeah, she rocks some crazy color combinations that just make us laugh, but she does it with confidence and pride. Why is it then that Halloween made her doubt herself?

I don’t even want to get into available costumes these days and the over-sexualization of female costumes. That is a discussion for a whole different post. I just wish all the girls in her class could be excited for each other. I wish they didn’t tear each other down. I wish there wasn’t this pressure to have just the right costume. It is supposed to be a fun day to dress up and enjoy not to stress about perfection. I don’t know how to protect her from harmful words. I’m new to this territory of “girl world.” I just hope I can support her when she is upset and model kind and loving behaviors.  That is the best I can do.

This year she has decided to be Jubilee from the X-men. Again she loves her character and loves her costume. I just pray when it comes time to go to school that she is ready to go out there with confidence and a smile.