Hellobee

We’ve been living in the Philippines for just over one year now. In that time I’ve had so many evolving feelings about living abroad and going back to the US, and I feel completely different today than I did 6 months ago.

On City Life vs. Island Life

The first 6 months living here was a huge adjustment moving from one of the busiest cities in the world to a remote tropical island on the complete opposite side of the world. Everything about our lives changed. Even though we had visited many times, living in and visiting a place are two completely different things. In New York, we had very active social lives and there was never a shortage of things to do. Being someone who constantly craves excitement, change, and adventure, it was hard adjusting to a simpler life where there wasn’t much to do other than going to the beach. Our first 9 months here we traveled often because I was lonely, bored, and it was hard to buy most things we needed locally. I counted down the days until the next time we would leave, whether it was to the island capital a 6-hour drive away, the country capital a 1-hour flight away, or another Asian country. The kids talked about missing their friends, their school, snow, and their New York lives, and to be honest I really did too.

Our lives aren’t any less busy here, but they’re busy in a different way. We’re never in a rush to get anywhere by a certain time because there aren’t many places to go, and everything tends to happen on island time. In New York, we were always rushing to get somewhere. Just the daily grind of getting to school and pick up on time could wear you down, not to mention all the other things you have going on in your lives when you have young kids. We’ve all adjusted to the slower pace of island life now, and it’s a little crazy thinking about going back to that hectic pace of our former lives. I will always love New York, but I know that I’m not ready to go back anytime soon when just 6 months ago I couldn’t wait to return. We’ve definitely had our fair share of challenges living here, but I’ve really come to appreciate and love our lives here.

On Making Friends

It was difficult to make friends because most of the ex-pats were much younger and didn’t have children. We lived outside of town and were pretty isolated, so we had to make a huge effort to socialize, especially as introverts. And the only place to meet people was at bars. We did make some friends but had to say bye to many of them, as is common with ex-pats. Then a couple months ago I befriended a mom who was the same age as me with a half-Filipino daughter the same age as Olive. Her house was always filled with local children of all ages, and my kids loved going over to play. We started hanging out very often, and it really had a big impact on the quality of my life as well as my children’s lives! I didn’t realize just how much I missed having a good friend because it was easy to stay busy with day-to-day life with kids. But you can’t underestimate the importance of friends, especially when you’re living abroad.

On Attending a Local School

Charlie and Olive had been homeschooled since we moved here, but we really wanted them to have more opportunities to socialize with kids their age. So in October we enrolled them in a private Catholic school, and they’ve been loving it. We’re not religious and they do incorporate a fair amount of religion into the curriculum (they pray 3 times a day), but that’s ok with us. The socialization they’re getting is much more important. Luckily everyone speaks English here, so the transition has been pretty seamless. School is only 3 hours for Olive and 4 hours for Charlie, so it still gives them plenty of time to run around and play. It also starts at 1pm with very flexible drop-offs and pick-ups (island time), which is perfect for Olive the Bear who has had a wake-up time of 9:30am since she was a newborn.

On How the Kids Have Changed

I think moving to the Philippines has had a life changing impact on the kids. They usually have at least 5 hours of unstructured play every day. This has taught them to be independent and use their imaginations and creativity, especially because they have much less here. It has taught them patience, which has always been one of Charlie’s greatest challenges. He wasn’t the easiest kid from 3-6, but Charlie has changed, grown, and matured so much in the past year, and I largely attribute that to our lives here.

Perhaps the greatest benefit of moving here has been the effect it’s had on Charlie and Olive’s relationship. They were always close, but because they are together pretty much 24/7 here, they are closer than ever. They always hug each other goodbye before going off to their respective classes. Charlie took the money he got for his birthday and bought Olive 2 gifts for her Christmas stocking. When we buy something for Charlie or Olive there is no mine or yours — they share everything. If we just gave them food, they could play all day long without needing us at all. Watching their bond develop has definitely been one of the best parts of parenting, and I’m so happy that they’ll always have each other.

I think we’re giving them a childhood more along the lines of the one we had. You know back in the good old days when all the neighborhood kids played outside without any adult supervision until the sun set. That would not only be impossible to do in New York, it would be illegal!

On How We’ve Changed

Everyone has less here and lives simply. It has definitely been a humbling experience coming from the land of plenty and excess. We live without many things we would have considered necessities in the States, and we miss them, but they’re not necessities.

We’ve also had the opportunity to help run a resort here, and have met people from all over the world. We’ve had incredible discussions about politics, education, parenting, travel, and so much more. Our kids have played with kids when they didn’t share a single word in common. I think Americans tend to travel much less than Europeans because they get far fewer vacation days, and the US is just so big. I want my kids to see as much of the world outside of the US as they can. If we are lucky enough to do so, I would love to continue traveling and living abroad while the kids are young. As for when we’ll return to the States, I really have no idea.