During the first week after my miscarriage, I relied heavily on the support of friends and family. Everyone grieves differently and I was surprised with myself in my willingness and desire to connect with loved ones almost immediately. Because many of our family and friends had known of my pregnancy, a lot of them came alongside us as we grieved the loss of our baby. For anyone who may have a friend or loved one who recently had a miscarriage and wanted to reach out in some way, I thought I would list some of the ways people reached out to us that we greatly appreciated in the earlier days immediately following the miscarriage.

Meals

We had some meals delivered to us through a delivery service and others dropped off by friends. It takes a huge load off to not stress over what to eat, especially when you don’t feel much like cooking.

Cards, emails, texts, and phone calls

I connected with friends and family a lot this way. It was easier for me in the beginning to want to connect with people and share about my experience and my feelings through texts versus meeting up with someone. I appreciated loved ones checking in on me, even if not much had changed since the last time we had talked. Even a simple text letting me know that my friend was thinking about our family meant a lot. The nice thing about all this (even phone calls), is that you can respond when you want to and if you don’t want to respond right away, it’s okay.

Hugs and acknowledgement

Simply acknowledging and expressing your condolences along with a hug is sometimes all that is needed.

Share stories of loss

I’ve heard many women’s stories of miscarriages before my own, but I felt more comfortable sharing and also asking more about their stories. Not only did I feel more connected to those women once we shared but it also helped me to connect to my own raw emotions and feel safe doing so.

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Flowers

Receiving flowers is always a thoughtful gesture during a time of loss, and is a simple and beautiful reminder when I see it that I have the love and support of loved ones.

Visit

My friends were very considerate asking if I was open to having them visit. Honestly, some days I was open to a visit and other days, I just wasn’t. But every time I did spend time with people who cared about me, I was encouraged and felt supported.

Offer to babysit 

Being a SAHM, several of my friends offered to watch my kids while I either napped or went out to spend some time alone. I have to admit, I didn’t take any of the offers from my friends because of the kids’ daily schedule involving school, activities and naps, but I think I really should have. Honestly, spending time to grieve on my own was and is still important, but I think I was a bit afraid to give myself too much time to think about the miscarriage. It’s hard to intentionally carve out time to grieve and process, but I found even quiet moments alone like driving, sitting outside and soaking in the sun, or breathing in the brisk autumn air can be quite healing.  It’s also important to connect with your significant other and keep checking in, so we are taking our friend’s offer and going out on a date night later this month. My husband is better about this than I am, but I’m thankful that he doesn’t assume that just because I’m feeling alright one day, doesn’t mean another day might be more difficult.

Encouraging quote print

I had a couple friends send me prints with encouraging bible verses on them.  They were simple reminders that I was able to place around my house. Of course for a gift like this, you would want it to be a quote that aligns with their views and beliefs.

There are many other thoughtful and beautiful gifts that I have come across online such as personalized in memory of jewelry, ornaments, or prints but I would think that such gifts would be a bit overwhelming to receive soon after a miscarriage. Also, because of the emotions surrounding a devastating loss and the different ways that people grieve and process loss, the responses of such gifts could vary person to person.

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If you experienced a miscarriage or an infant loss, what were some ways that people reached out that you most appreciated?