Mrs. Carrot:

Over the last few years, my Facebook page has increasingly become a big billboard for everything from nail wraps, essential oils, makeup, to storage containers, bright print clothing and books. Except it wasn’t Facebook making assumptions about things that I, a working mom to a 4-year-old girl, would like to buy; it was my friends. I was being invited to online parties to buy things that were going to make me look younger, feel better, more comfortable, and cure me of everything from the common cold to restless sleep, while keeping my child calm and well read, possibly in matching leggings.

Until the (what feels like) recent sudden spike in these kinds of direct sales, my general understanding of multi-level-marketing companies (MLMs) was limited to Avon and Amway, and frankly I still don’t know what Amway actually sells. And despite me falling into the target demographic, I’m actually not a great person to sell to. My nails are a mess after a day of cooking, I’ve never been big into makeup, essential oils scare me a bit, to be completely honest, and my skincare routine is limited to the same soap I’ve been using since I was 18. I’m also a budget spender, so for me to buy anything, it has to be pretty strategic and intentional.

That said, over the past year, I have become a buyer of MLM products. About a year ago, one of my best friends gifted me a pair of Lularoe leggings that she acquired at a party. I’d never heard of Lularoe before, and the leggings had flying pigs on them. I brought them home and stashed them with my other “never to see the outside world” stash of clothes, because really, flying pigs? The next week, I put them on while around the house and curiosity got the better of me, and wow, were they comfortable and surprisingly didn’t look terrible, as I had expected. I still wasn’t sure about wearing them outside the house, and I’m not one for sleeping in leggings, but I’m also at an age of “do I really care” so I wore them to a petting zoo, of all places, and found myself really liking how comfortable I felt. I also suddenly had a half dozen women comment on how cool my pants were.

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A few weeks later, a good friend announced on her Facebook page that she was becoming a Lularoe seller. I still knew nothing about the company, but as this friend began posting more about it, and as I found myself lounging around (as much as a mom of a preschooler lounges) covered in flying pigs, I was intrigued. This particular friend was also a C-suite executive at a major organization so I assumed that this company had to be different because someone like my friend would never be the type to sell all the things I was being peddled by other MLMs. A few weeks later, I found myself visiting her and picking up a few more pairs of leggings and a few tops for my newly expanding casual wear wardrobe. Last fall and winter, I spent every weekend in leggings and a long sweater as my weekend uniform and plan to continue the trend as the weather gets cooler.

I’m a creature of comfort, but I’m also a realist, so one thing I couldn’t understand is how women like me were buying up hundreds of dollars worth of leggings with cartoon characters and flowers on them (sometimes at the same time). This frenzy always felt bizarre to me, and I personally remained a generally conservative consumer. I buy items I love, especially because as a 5 foot tall size 18, it’s not always easy to find clothes that make me feel comfortable, and I still stay away from essential oils and other products that I can’t justify costs or reasons for. I’ve taken part in a few other MLM parties – Usborne Books, and a couple jewelry companies, namely, and usually because they’re doing a fundraiser for a cause I care about or to help someone out.  And I’ve become much more aware of the vitriol against MLM sellers.

I completely understand other perspectives on MLMs. I despise any concept that preys on people’s emotions, and MLM companies often encourage predatory strategies and seek out women who might have lost some of their independent identity and want to find it again. I hate that so many women are losing their friends, because their business model is to push others into joining, buying, and promoting products. I hate even moreso that women suffer financially as a result of these companies. One of the reasons why I felt comfortable supporting my Lularoe friend is because I knew (and she was very open about it with her group) that she made her financial decisions very intentionally, and she never pushed me to do anything I didn’t want to do. In the end, I don’t really think that the MLM model is all that different from a widespread ad campaign by a department store. If you don’t need it, don’t buy it. And if you feel pressured, don’t respond and move on. Everyone will be better for it.

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Mrs. Gumdrop:

The nature of peer marketing makes it really difficult to just offer a direct no thank you even when you’re not interested in something a friend or acquaintance is selling. My way of dealing with sales invites in the past with acquaintances (not with close friends) has been to shut down all future communications and avoid them. In the past I’ve let my fear of confrontation get in the way of treating everyone with the respect they deserve and I really regret this. I have been trying to be more assertive in my adult life, and more graceful. It’s a tough pairing for someone who hates confrontation but I think it’s much healthier.

Even if you’ve never heard of Network Marketing or Multi-Level-Marketing (MLM), you’ve probably gotten an invitation from an acquaintance to like a page on Facebook or attend a no-pressure hang out where she (or he) wants to share something new that has been making a big difference for them and/or their family.

Personally, I can’t even walk past a street vendor with puppy dog eyes without wanting to rush back and buy everything they have to offer, much less casually say no thanks to a new friend who specifically mentions how they are trying to make some extra income for their family. That part of it is a good thing – people finding ways to make extra income from home and new ways to financial freedom – that’s great. But bringing sales pitches into social settings can be pretty disruptive.

I don’t think people who are selling things to their peers are disingenuous. I do think the MLM format and the companies are concerning, and anyone selling this way should already be aware of the potential dangers. All the people I know who sell products directly genuinely enjoy their own products and want others to as well. One summer in college I tried to sell expensive ads and coupons on behalf of a magazine that would go to the dorms – something I would personally use – but I was selling ad space to local businesses who were already suffering in the recession in 2008. It wasn’t exactly Multi-Level-Marketing, but it smelled a lot like it. I did my best that summer but each painful interaction with local business owners confirmed that sales was and is not for me. I didn’t feel comfortable using the pitches they wrote for me, and hated pushing people into decisions they weren’t sure about. It was so hard.

So I really respect people who are putting themselves out there and making it work.

People selling via MLM are trying to do their job well, which often means attempting follow-up steps that are proven effective by the sales company, so passive deflections like “I’m not free that night” will only keep you on the list of potential clients. If you’re not interested, save your acquaintance and yourself time and frustration by explaining clearly that you’re not interested and will not be in the future.

If you, (like me) find the social marketing format to be uncomfortable no matter the product and already find yourself owning things you never meant to buy, I recommend creating a personal rule that you will not attend or purchase things through MLM and Network marketing. When these invites come around in the future, you can just explain your rule. You don’t need to feel guilty about not spending your time or money on things you don’t want to and your relationship can progress beyond the previously lingering sales potential. Here’s an example:

Hey ___________, i’m glad you love your work and i hope it’s going really well! i started a general rule a while back where I don’t attend or buy anything from peer marketing stuff. It makes me uncomfortable, so i don’t make exceptions. thanks anyways and if i know of anyone who is interested in ____________ i’ll definitely send them your way.

This is how I explained my disinterest recently, and she reacted graciously. Now we can both move on and get to know each other better ♥