Just about a month ago, we attended Ace’s first ever parent/teacher conference. We had already gone to a few of the Montessori open house nights, and of course we toured the school before we started, but this was our first opportunity to sit down with the teacher and ask personal questions.
I have to admit I was a bit nervous before our meeting! When I was a teacher, we didn’t do scheduled conferences, but instead had informal sit downs with parents any time they wanted to chat. Scheduling a conference seemed too formal and adult. Despite having two children and a husband, most of the time I still feel like I’m 13 years old, so this was quite an adventure. At that point Ace had been going to school for about 6 weeks, but he wasn’t yet sharing much about his daily activities (he has since opened up and started telling us every.last.detail of his days). I was so curious to hear what his teachers would say!
The meeting went just fine. Ace is doing well and enjoys school, has a lot of friends, and loves doing projects. Then his teacher let us know that they have Ace on the “kindergarten track.” This means that they expect him to go into Kinder in August, instead of completing an additional year of preschool. I was shocked and didn’t know what to say in the moment. Ace has an early October birthday, so I always assumed he would just be the oldest in his class, not the youngest. However, his school has their own cutoff and they generally are ok with students going into Kinder as long as they turn five by 10/15, and that both the teachers and parents feel they are ready.
He still fits in a baby swing, it’s too hard for me to imagine him in Kinder!
I’m not so sure we will go that route. My husband is all for it. I have reservations. I haven’t done any research yet, but my first instinct is that being the very youngest kid in his class, possibly starting college at age 17, might not be the best idea. My husband thinks it isn’t an issue. He doesn’t see the difference between a kid with a September birthday or an October birthday… what’s one month if the kid is ready? Plus, there is the financial aspect. Private preschool is certainly not cheap, and once he starts K we will no longer have to pay a hefty tuition. I worry about social issues, maturity, and bullying.
When Ace’s teachers asked what we hoped Ace would get out of this year of preschool, my husband and I had very different answers. I said that I wanted him to have fun, make friends, play outside, and have more fun. Mr. Jellyfish’s answer had a lot more to do with academics and reading. Things that Ace certainly enjoys and will learn to do eventually, but nothing that I am worried about at this age. Since then we have had a lot of discussions about this, but we still aren’t on the same page. I am hoping that we can get there before we have to make these tough choices.
There is so much to consider, and after the new year, I really need to make some time and start doing some research. In April, his teachers will give a “formal recommendation,” and we will need to decide what we want to do by the end of that month. It’s a little frightening that we have to make a decision that can alter Ace’s entire educational future when he is only four years old!
Anyone else have a child with a Fall birthday? What did you decide about school readiness?
apricot / 264 posts
My son has a September birthday and the cutoff is 9/30 in my area. We started him on time meaning he was about to turn 5 when K started. He actually goes to Catholic school which starts with PK. I was apprehensive about him starting being the youngest. He did fine in PK but K was more difficult. We ended up having him repeat K because he just wasn’t grasping everything. I didn’t want him going into 1st grade already struggling. This year is like night and day from last year. He is no longer frustrated and doesn’t fight me on practicing sight words or doing his reader every week. For him it was a maturity issue. He could sit sill and follow directions but he was young and wasn’t interested in reading and the subject matter yet. Repeating was the best decision for us. I think it’s totally dependent on the kid! I don’t think there is a right or wrong answer either.
guest
In the south it gets crazy – in our area, the informal cutoff is early summer (may/june). My son is May and every school I’ve talked to says they prefer to hold back boys, so even our May birthday son might be held back. I’m so torn – especially when you think about how much later the cutoff is in other parts of the country. He’s brilliant and could academically handle it, but I think he has a little ADD and can’t sit still. Holding him back wont solve that, but I wonder if an extra year wouldn’t help so that he can meet social expectations once hes there (vs. layering on being youngest and ADD).
cantaloupe / 6730 posts
Mine turned 5 the day before school started. She’s not the youngest because cutoff is Dec 31, but I would have started her even if she was the youngest. She was so ready!! One thing to be mindful of is that there seems to be a lot of maturing between 4.5 and 5. He may still seem like a baby now, but they grow a lot this year.
persimmon / 1390 posts
I’m kind of regretting sending our daughter, who turned 5 on 10/31. She’s doing great academically and is one of the better “readers” in her class, but she really, really dislikes being the youngest. If we held her back, she still wouldn’t have been the oldest in her class as there are several kids who were 6 when they started. I think this is more of a personality thing though, and her inherent spaciness exacerbates her youngness because she has always been a little oblivious to her surroundings. I wish someone at the district had told me ahead of time that there would be a 22 month age span in her classroom because I would have held her back.
cherry / 141 posts
My daughter is the youngest in her class. She’s currently in 1st grade but started when she was 2 for 3 half days. There have been some emotional hiccups but all her teachers have understood she is younger than everyone else. I prepare her over the summer and go over the place she should be so academics are never an issue. I know many say that it’s better to wait but she was academically ready and she gets really bored. When she gets bored she exhibits negative behaviour so for us it made sense.
pear / 1767 posts
My husband has a September birthday and was sent to school early and entered college at 17. He did well academically but he really wishes his parents would have held him back so that was the oldest in the class. He was physically smaller than his peers and he thought that had an impact on athletics, dating, etc. Our son has a late June birthday with a September 1st cutoff and we went ahead and sent him on time. He’s now in first grade and doing well academically but my husband has already expressed regret in not holding him back a year. It’s a hard choice but I would definitely consider long and hard the benefits he would get from being given an extra year.
cherry / 247 posts
My husband and I also disagree about when to send our daughter to kindergarten. She has a late August birthday, so just before the cut-off, which is September 1. He prefers that she be the oldest in her class, but I would rather wait and see if we think she’s ready (she’s only 2 now!). What blows my mind is his reasoning- he doesn’t want her to be the last to get her driver’s license, the last to turn 18, etc. I’m soo not thinking about those things yet!
wonderful kiwi / 23653 posts
I have two Dec girls! Our school cuts off 12/31 so they are both eligible for K in their birth year. My oldest is in pre-k and our teacher agree that she is ready for K as well. We have been closely monitoring mostly her social/emotional readiness more than academics. Of course I overthink this! But she is at a point where we would need to send her elsewhere for another year bc she would be bored, so we are just going to send her to K. I’m a Nov baby myself and was not held back. For my younger one, I will monitor her the same way!
cherry / 109 posts
As a kindergarten teacher, I don’t look it as being “held back”, I call it “another year to grow!”. I don’t know any parents who regret giving their kid another year to grow. Plus, they get to be home for another year before going off to college.
pomelo / 5258 posts
My kids don’t have late fall birthdays but I do. The only time it frustrated me was in high school when my friends could see R rated movies and I couldn’t get in. I started college at 17 but it was just a few months and nobody knew I was still q17.
grapefruit / 4584 posts
My eldest is a mid-summer birthday in an area with an October 1st cut-off. In Kindergarten and 1st grade, it has been VERY VERY evident who the older students in the class are. DD1 is bright for sure, but certain skills that come with practice and maturity have been a bit longer in coming than they were for some of her classmates who were 6 at the beginning of the K year (whereas my daughter was newly 5).
After my experience with her, I’m VERY glad her youngest sibling has a fall birthday, and will have an “extra” year of preschool, therefore making her one of the eldest in her class. When I first found out about her due date, I thought I’d maybe even consider sending her to a private kindergarten with a December (rather than October) cutoff so she could move ahead by a year, but now I definitely feel staying back a year is to a great advantage, even though socially I have no doubt she’ll be ready for school a year earlier.
guest
We are giving our Late June son an extra year right now. He’s super smart and I know academically ready for kinder but after much discussions with doctors, teachers, friends with summer birthdays, we decided to take the extra year. Our version is we get an extra year with them and I’ll take that in an instant. It was a TOUGH decision though.
wonderful cherry / 21504 posts
We stressed about this last year. Our cutoff is sept 1 and my daughter has a late July bday. I had planned on sending her on time, and she is really bright academically, but her preK teachers recommended we wait, so that threw me. But when I looked closer it made all the sense in the world for social and emotional reasons for her. She’s in a junior k program this year and I am certain it was the right choice for her. But I have friends whose kids are the exact same age who are in K and doing great.
blogger / cherry / 138 posts
I am lucky I do not have to make this decision with my early January kiddo. It’s such a hard choice
nectarine / 2436 posts
As a teacher I do see late birthday boys struggle a little. Sometimes more than academically, it can be tough physically because they are quite a bit smaller. Unless the teachers are 1000%, I would probably hold him back. But you know your child best! If he’s ready, send him.
admin / watermelon / 14210 posts
Charlie has a December birthday and we put him in school on time because there is a December 31st cutoff in New York. But when we reenter the school system I’m going to hold him back because he is so, so small. He also has ADHD so is more emotionally immature than kids the same age.
Olive has an October birthday but we will not hold her back as she is average height!
nectarine / 2028 posts
I’m a former kindergarten teacher, and I did my Master’s thesis on readiness/age of entry at kindergarten. Long story short: the experts believe that, in general, students should be 5 by the time school starts. I spoke to M. Elizabeth Graue, U of W professor, whose work centers around school readiness, and this was her advice/stance on it. Anecdotally, as a kindergarten teacher I found that boys, in general, could use that extra year before kindergarten starts. Holding the child back a year is always better than having to repeat kindergarten. My son is a November birthday and will be almost 6 when he starts kindergarten. Here in California, we’re fortunate to have a TK year between preschool and kindergarten for fall babies, and he’ll be doing that. If we didn’t have it, though, I would not hesitate to have him in preschool for an extra year. My younger child has a July birthday. I’m a touch nervous with a summer baby, but hope she’ll be ready to go on time, as she’ll be 5 before school starts and, hopefully, will have the focus I feel like she needs to be successful in school. Happy to talk more about this via DM if you want!
@Mrs. Bee: Is there a choice in NYCDOE to hold a kid back if you don’t want him or her to go ahead to kindergarten? I have a nephew with a birthday right around Halloween who lives in Brooklyn, and my sister thinks she has to send him as a 4-year-old. As you can see above I am pretty against that, but wonder what you found in researching for Charlie back when you lived in NY?
wonderful pear / 26210 posts
I think there are so many factors that go into making this decision, there isn’t just one simple rule that you can apply in all cases.
I know a ton of kids that have birthdays in Oct-Dec and have been held back. My son is one of them. My state has a cut off at the end of December, and what I find most interesting is that while he is held back according to my state’s cut off, he’s on time according to the vast majority of the other states in the country, so I am ok with where he is.
apricot / 424 posts
I had a September birthday and had to take a simple test to start school (ABCs, tie my shoes, right from left, etc.). I never even really noticed being younger than everyone else until people got their license. And even then I took driving school with all my friends and then just waited until I was old enough to do the hours and test. It never really came up again until people turned 21. Again, a bit of a bummer but no big deal.
I wouldn’t worry too much about it.
pear / 1586 posts
My son has an early September birthday and he misses our school cutoff by 3 days. He’s definitely ready academically and we could pursue testing him to go ahead, but we are going to enroll him in a transitional K class instead of pushing it. He tends to be a bit of follower and I think an extra year to mature socially will be great for him. Plus, he gets an extra year to be a kid, and we get an extra year to save for college.
I also found this recent study to be quite interesting: https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2018/11/28/671614909/youngest-children-in-a-class-are-most-likely-to-get-adhd-diagnosis
apricot / 430 posts
I have a late December birthday and my parents made the decision to hold me back and I AM SO HAPPY THEY DID!
They consulted with the school district’s psychologist, who basically said I was ready, but very self-critical, and could probably benefit from another year of pre-K.
The benefits were not just that I was more confident in Kinder. It also meant that in town sports and summer camp (which had a different cut-off) I was with a different set of kids – the older kids. It meant that I knew more kids, and had more friends so when I was bullied for a while, I had a whole other group to hang out with during that time.
It also meant that I was physically bigger than some of my classmates, more coordinated, and less injury prone.
I’d advise any parent to seek a psychologist’s evaluation and talk with them about chronological vs. developmental age. Most kids will thrive no matter what, but it’s worth a second opinion if you can get one.
guest
My oldest turned 5 after the cutoff in my state (8/1) so she is in preK this year. Her teachers agree that she is beyond ready for K and probably should have gone this year, but I didn’t want to go through the testing process to get her in a year earlier.
nectarine / 2288 posts
My daughter is a late October birthday and will be nearly 6 before she starts kinder. My mom was a kindergarten teacher and saw so few kids who were totally ready for k super young. It was never a question for me even though I think the cutoff is December. My husband is on board also as he’s an August birthday and always wishes he was one of the older kids in his class
cherry / 157 posts
I just wanted to add my comment since most of the comments so far have been from parents that chose to hold their child for an extra year. My oldest is a late August birthday with a Sept 1 cut off. He was definitely ready – both academically and socially – so we never thought much about it. He’s doing great in Kindergarten this year – he’s made a ton of friends, has already finished his sight words for the year, is learning to read, etc. He was definitely ready. The only hard thing is that in his class, there is one boy a full year older than him (turned 6 in Aug), tons of fall babies (who have now all turned 6), and few summer babies. So, he definitely stands out as being small (even though he’s 50th% for height) just because he’s so young…. and I think it’s a little tough to have him compared both behaviorally and academically against kids a full year older than him… But those are my own fears. He’s doing great and the teachers think so too…. in a few years, I believe the “advantages” of being older tend to even out so I assume in a few years it will be more of an even playing field. I think the research shows that being older is only an advantage in the first few years, right?
nectarine / 2288 posts
@SproutBee: my husband always felt that he would have done better in sports and weirdly dating as he grew late and was small all through hs. I do agree that most of the academic stuff evens out but not always the social and growing that hasn’t happened yet if you’re younger. That’s just my anecdotal input though
cherry / 157 posts
@MamaBear87: Aw, hubby!
Some boys have their pubertal growth spurt pretty late so I feel like that can be hard to predict. Like would one year really have made a huge difference if he had his growth spurt late? My anecdotal story is there was one kid in my high school who was tiny (like 5’1”, prob 90 lbs) in high school – but he was Mr. Popular, usually always had a girlfriend, and was pretty good in sports. Turns out he didn’t have his growth spurt until AFTER high school and ended up over 6 feet tall. And he was a May baby so not even near our schools Dec cut off. My point being you can never really predict your individual child’s story – so I find it hard to make decisions at 4 or 5 years old when you’re trying to make a prediction 13 years out?
I do agree that parents know best if your kid is ready or not. But for the parents that think their kid is ready, I encourage them to go for it. It’s not all doom and gloom. Someone has to be the youngest.