I was definitely a worry wart first time mom. Having had severe anxiety for most of my life (and to this day), that came as no surprise to me. But the older my kids get, the more lax I get. But parenting is also much more lax in the Philippines where I live now than the US. My kids are 8 and almost 10 now, and these are some of the parenting “rules” I bend:

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1) No school. Olive was unschooled for 2+ years while Charlie was for 3+. We didn’t have many options at the time, but I don’t have any regrets. I think it was one of the best things we could have done for Charlie’s ADHD. It could partly be due to him just getting older, but staying home with me the past year has had a tremendous impact on him. I remember his last meltdown very clearly, which was over a year ago. He hasn’t had one since, and I think that largely has to do with all the one-on-one time we spent together, his increase in physical activity (taekwondo, hiking, swimming), and the elimination of screentime. He also became a super reader while I unschooled him, which was one of my greatest accomplishments as a mom. (tear)

2) No screentime. Charlie’s last aforementioned meltdown was because he was reading a book on the Kindle, and saw that there were many books in the series and he wanted to finish reading all of them… in one sitting. Kids with ADHD usually have very addictive personalities, so often no screentime at all is recommended for them. The kids haven’t played video games in so many months I can’t remember, and on the very rare occasion they’re allowed to, it’s for less than an hour. They’ve accepted it as their norm. I do let them watch movies maybe 2-3 times a month, but it’s usually classics like The Neverending Story.

3) Late/changing bedtime. Because the kids were unschooled, we didn’t have set bedtimes. They went to sleep late and they woke up late. When we were out or had friends over, the kids stayed up even later. The kids have school now and have to wake up at 8:30am (one reason I love their school!), but on weekends and when we’re out and about, I’m never strict about bedtime. Parents change their lives so much for their kids, I think it’s important for kids to learn to be flexible and patient too.

4) Unusual transport. In El Nido, the kids ride a scooter with Mr. Bee, always with helmets on, which would still be illegal in the US, but is the norm here since no one has a car due to the narrow roads.

5) Leaving the kids home alone. I talked about this in a post earlier this week, and I love that I can give my kids more independence here than I could in the US. My kids are a fraction of how independent I was at their age, but they definitely have much more freedom here and I love it.

6) I yell. Not too often, but I’m ok with it. It ain’t easy solo parenting with a gajillion other responsibilities, so when I do yell, my kids know it’s serious. And even though I often feel like I’m a horrible parent, last week Charlie told me that I was the best mom ever. (tear)

.  .  .  .  .

I know there are so many other parenting “rules” I break. Some off the top of my head is that I breastfed Olive for over 2 years, I co-sleep, I let them eat McDonald’s, and I let them take a lot of risks. I could probably think of more if I weren’t drinking wine while writing this post!

All this is to say that I’m not a perfect parent and I don’t want to be. But I love my kids and am doing the best that I can, as I’m sure all of you are.

What are some parenting “rules” you break?