By a few days after I ovulated, I knew that this wasn’t our month.  I just felt it deep down.  I wasn’t pregnant and was just biding my time until the next cycle, so I could get down to business on the “It’s Business Time” August POAS thread on the Boards.   I really had no symptoms to make me question my intuition.  We had a string of company during the two-week wait starting with my brother, and ending with Mr. Blue’s parents and sisters.  Not only did we have company, but I was ending one job and getting ready to begin another one. I told my mom at the end of the first week that I was just exhausted from all the activity, I just wanted to cry, and didn’t have time to stop and do anything about it.

On Monday and Tuesday of last week, I didn’t have to work and spent the days with my 16-year old sister-in-law.  Even though I had just told my in-laws my body wouldn’t really sleep in anymore, I somehow managed to sleep until 11:30 on Monday morning, which I seriously haven’t done since college.  Thankfully, teenagers are always sleepy, so my sister-in-law didn’t mind sleeping in either.  We all laughed about how late she and I had woken up, and I knew my body really needed to recover from all the craziness of our life.

That night, I took a pregnancy test just in case so we could tell Mr. Blue’s parents in person if it happened.  It was stark white.  I told Mr. Blue that I had been right, and it wasn’t our month.  Mr. Blue wrapped his arms around me, and I cried.  We were both really bummed, but trying to stay positive about the next month.

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The next day, I slept until 10:30 and met the family for lunch.  That morning, I posted on the July POAS Board:

“I’m unofficially out because (1) I am absolutely convinced I’m not pregnant. I don’t know why, but I just know I’m not. (2) I got a BFN yesterday on 10-12 DPO (unclear of exact O date), and (3) have PMS symptoms flaring up. I’m bummed.”

My in-laws headed home at 1:30, and I was so tired that I decided to take a nap.  I woke up at 3:30, and I knew I needed too rush around to get ready for a happy hour we were having for a friend who was moving.  I ran to jump in the shower and on a whim, I decided to take one more test before I went and had a drink.  I didn’t even wait to look at the test.  I just laid it on the side of the bathtub and took a shower.  When I finished, I remembered the test and held it up above the curtain to get some light.  I froze.  Was that a super faint second line??

I wrapped myself in a towel, crouched down right there in the bath tub and gripped the test, while alternating between crying, laughing, and whispering, “I think I’m pregnant!”  I finally pulled myself together a little more and ran into my bedroom to tell Blue Dog that I thought she was going to be a big sister.  I was super concerned about whether the second line might be an evap line because when I say it was a faint second line, I mean faint.   So, I posted this photo on Weddingbee on my old account to get some feed back:


Can you see the second line?

Some of our lovely ladies from Hellobee even weighed in on their Weddingbee accounts (Thanks, ladies!):

@Running Elley: “I see pink in the second line so I’m leaning towards BFP! Evaps usually don’t have color!”

@Highwire: “Pink, pink line. BFP. Congrats!  I couldn’t get digitals to show up positive when my line tests were this faint, FYI. If the digital still says not pregnant, don’t give up!”

With comments like that, I knew what I had to do.  I had to try to take a digital, so I threw one in my purse to take when I had a chance to hold it for a while.  Yep, that means that I was planning on taking a digital pregnancy test . . . in a bar.  I felt like mother of the year already, but I had to know.

I arrived at the appointed locale and carefully drank my diet coke while telling everyone I was coming down with something and couldn’t drink.  I could barely follow the conversation because all I could think about was that I might have a Little growing inside me.  I was just mumbling answers when I had to and silently praying that this was really happening.

About 3 hours after the first test, I decided it had been long enough, and I slipped away from the table.  I went to the restroom, took the digital, and paced in the handicap stall while I waited for the results.

Cue more tears, which by the way, pretty much have not stopped since then.  In that moment, I became a mother.  All I could think of was this little one growing inside me and how I would do anything to protect this growing life.  By the time I came out, everyone was ready to go. I got in my car and started planning exactly how I would tell Mr. Blue that he was going to be a Daddy.

I am especially thankful for the supportive community on Hellobee during this special time in our lives.  You have been here from the beginning, before we even started TTC, and have flooded me with support, encouragement, and laughter.  I have so many friends, both in real life and online, that are waiting to get their BFPs.  I wish everyone that is TTC your sticky baby soon!

Stay tuned for Part II:  Telling Mr. Blue!