When we were at the hospital immediately following my miscarriage, the doctor asked us questions we weren’t yet prepared to answer. He talked to us about the options of disposition as well as mention of the availability of a chaplain and an upcoming memorial service. Having worked in the hospital before and witnessing families deal with loss, these were the “typical” conversations that staff had with families yet when someone is directing these conversations to you, your world stops abruptly and you are reminded that you really did lose your child.
I’m glad Mr. Pizza and I were given some time to talk it through because it was difficult for me to process my own thoughts around these end-of-life decisions. As we drove back home that night, thinking about the reality of our loss, we knew that we wanted to honor our baby in some way.
We decided to plant a tree in our backyard, but I wasn’t exactly on board right away. I’m pretty clueless when it comes to planting or growing anything outside so I didn’t want the added responsibility of helping to grow and keep a healthy tree alive, especially since it would be connected to the loss of our baby. Once the tree was planted and we spent some time talking to the girls about the loss of our baby and why we planted the tree, I was glad we chose to honor our baby in this way. Because of my uncertainty, I was thinking of and looking into other ideas of honoring our baby up until the day we bought and planted the tree. Here are some of the ideas that I thought of or came across.
Stepping stone – This was one of the first ideas I came up with. I like the idea of the stone being in our backyard and something we would always see when we are playing in the backyard. I’ve come across some nice options to personalize the stepping stones.
Jewelry – I’m drawn to jewelry because it can have a lot of meaning to you but to others can simply look like a beautiful piece of jewelry. I liked this, this and this necklace that can hold some of the ashes.
Tattoo – I don’t have any tattoos myself but think this would be a meaningful way to honor a loss.