Hellobee

Faith Through Infertility

I don’t post much about my faith. And yet, it permeates everything I do and every moment of my life. When we first decided to start trying to expand our family, we prayed for God’s hand in timing. He had brought us through every other major event in our lives; why would having a baby be any different? I prayed that the baby would be healthy, that I wouldn’t have too much morning sickness, that our finances would be in order. I never thought to pray about actually getting pregnant.

Like so many other women, I just assumed that once we started trying, pregnancy would happen soon (if not immediately). At 22, I never expected to have any problems. Isn’t the whole point of high school health class to instill the fear of pregnancy in you? Look at a boy, and you’ll be knocked up before you can say ‘prom night.’ And yet, here I was, married and ready, and the pregnancy tests I took were all negative.

So I continued to pray for God’s timing. I continued to have faith that when it was supposed to happen, I would get pregnant. And, I continued to be convinced that any day now, the obsessive peeing on sticks would result in the positive I wanted so badly.

Though it’s easy to tell the world that you have faith, internally it is much harder to keep that faith when things don’t go your way. Though I told God that I trusted his timing, what I really meant was that I trusted that he would do what I wanted, when I wanted it. By the sixth month of trying without success, I began to lose heart. I grew frustrated that God was telling me ‘no.’ I grew angry with people who told me ‘It will happen when it is supposed to.’ And I grew increasingly more bitter with those who seemed to get pregnant by accident.

As the months dragged by, as doctors and nurses and reproductive endocrinologists insisted there was nothing really wrong with us, I turned to God again, demanding to know when exactly this baby would be given to us. After all, so many (well-meaning but ignorant) people I knew insisted that a woman’s sole purpose was to bear children. And yet, somehow, I was reassured that, despite our circumstances, we would be parents one day. It may be through treatments, it may be through adoption or foster parenting, but one day, we would have a child.

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25 Children’s Activities for a Park Birthday Party

I’ve always wanted to have an outdoor birthday party for my kids, but both of them have cold weather birthdays. Luckily we’re having a very temperate fall this year, and the weather is warm enough to have Olive’s 3rd birthday in the park! I love park birthdays because kids have fun running around even if you don’t have many activities planned, and it gives the adults a chance to hang out as well. Plus Olive loves the great outdoors!


Covered in dirt from head to toe at the very spot we’re going to have her birthday party

I plan on keeping it very simple because cars are not allowed inside the park and we have to carry everything in ourselves on carts and strollers. That means balloons for decorations, small favors (a paperback Berenstain Bears Halloween book), and some easy outdoor games. I tend to go overboard with food, but I tried to stick with classic kids’ party fare – pizza delivered to the park, fruit/veggies, cheese, chips/dip, and of course cake.

I’m sure the kids will have fun running around and playing with toys most of the time, but I’d like to have a couple of activities planned. Here are 25 of my favorite children’s game ideas for a park birthday party!

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Children’s Seating Roundup

Lately Roman has taken to planting his cute little butt on stuff… stuff like baskets full of toys, or his giant stuffed bear, or us. He squats down and sits and looks around like he’s trying to make himself a little seat. So we thought, “Aw, how cute, he needs his own little chair!” At the moment we have not a single free space in which to place any adorable miniature seating, but that hasn’t stopped me from scouring the internet for the perfect choice! (I’ll be prepared when we move November 1st!)

Land of Nod and Pottery Barn Kids both have lovely selections of little armchairs, but I’m really loving these options:

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Do I want another unmedicated birth?

This has been a question I’ve been asking myself since for quite some time now. And here I am—38 weeks pregnant and still without an answer. It seems like most people I know who have had a natural birth definitely want another, but I’m not so sure that I feel the same way.

I blogged about Little Deer’s birth and our hospital stay, and to be honest, while I’m very grateful for how well everything turned out, the whole experience was a little traumatic. With every contraction I felt as though I was going to be sick. The pain during pushing was so much more intense than I could have ever imagined. And once she was born, I couldn’t stop bleeding. I had lost my IV during labor, so multiple people tried to get a new one in as they gave me Pitocin intramuscularly in my thigh. Meanwhile, during those eight IV attempts, I was having my second degree tear sewn up but wasn’t quite numb enough and could feel everything. And then they needed to put me on oxygen because I started to lose consciousness. All in all it was a little intense to say the least. I think in that moment, and even the months afterwards, I was still on a bit of  a high with having a new baby to truly process it all. Now, as I approach labor again though, it’s all coming back to me.

Do I want to feel all of that pain again? Are my reasons for avoiding an epidural still applicable?

 Holding Little Deer for the first time

There were several reasons why I initially wanted to avoid an epidural when having Little Deer. They are as follows:

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D’s Journey, part 7 – home again!

We left off with D getting discharged, the day before his 5 month birthday! My mantra is that the next time he is allowed to stay overnight in a hospital is when his wife is having a baby.


Brotherly choke-hold…

Mr. Tiger and I were over the moon, and K was very happy to have him home again too, although we did have to have some more discussions about “don’t touch D’s wires!” especially since now there were more of them. I was especially happy about not hiking to the hospital every day (at one point K told me that my job was going to the hospital to visit D – it sure felt that way!) and being able to check on him at night, seeing the boys play together… it was awesome! Thankfully I was able to prolong going back to work for three more months, and when I did go back I transitioned to part time (2 days a week).

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Small(er) space living with a baby

One of the most common questions we got after announcing that we were pregnant was “are you going to buy a house?” Even though we live in a fairly metropolitan area, it seemed to be a common theme that baby = house. When we said no, we had no plans to give up our condo, we got a lot of raised eyebrows and questions about how we were going to fit in such a small space.

When we originally decided to buy a home, having kids wasn’t anywhere near our radar. We had a limited budget in a very high cost-of-living area, and our priorities were keeping our commute reasonable and to buy a space that wasn’t high maintenance. Neither Mr. Carrot nor I had any experience with home ownership, and our busy work lives, travel schedules and limited finances didn’t jibe with spending much time on figuring out how to do major renovations. Within these parameters, our best option was to buy a condo.

We bought a two bedroom unit in an older building rather than new construction, because the square footage was actually comparable to many houses in our area, whereas most new construction units were half the space. We assumed that if anything ever changed on the subject of kids, we at least had an extra bedroom to work with, and we’d figure out everything else. Now that Baby Carrot is a toddler and we are in full throes of being overrun by baby “stuff,” we’ve found some tactics to make our smaller space work for our needs, and discovered some benefits we hadn’t considered to condo living over owning a house.

1) Walls and corners are amazing organization (and baby proofing!) tools. I admit, I can be a bit neurotic about keeping our living space organized, so when Baby C started getting mobile and her activity needs increased beyond just a play mat, I was really nervous about tripping over toys and having no space to house her stuff. However, putting her toys around our wall spaces and corners ended up being a two-fold benefit – nothing was in the middle of the room AND we could hide some of the things that aren’t so baby safe but are hard to do without.

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House Hunting: 3 Kids Under 3

When Mr. H and I found out we were having twins, we immediately went into action to get out of the house we were in and into a home with a better set up for our (quickly!) growing family. Our space just did not lend itself to having three children under the age of three, and because we knew we’d have to move sooner rather than later, we didn’t want to try and move while our small house was cluttered with too much baby gear.

What we were dealing with in our current space was: no parking, no yard, and three bedrooms split between three levels of the home. Not exactly ideal for a lot of young children. The upside was that we were in a very desirable area of the city, near an awesome park with a great neighborhood full of family-friendly activities, in a good public school district.

 Miss H walking down the stairs at our old house. I thought we’d have pictures of her standing there for her first day of kindergarten!

But space for us trumped everything. So, right after we learned we were having twins, we got in touch with our real estate agent and shared with her our very aggressive time frame. Fortunately she is also very fast acting and aggressive so she got to work quickly.

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