I have a confession to make.
It’s a little bit awkward.
And I am totally not judging you if you do feel this way.
But I do not feel bad about the upcoming transition for my son to no longer be the only baby in our house.
There, I said it.
I have found myself reading all sorts of posts on Hellobee and beyond about the transition from one to two, the changes coming, and so often, the bloggers will preface (or even wax poetic) about the sadness and guilt they feel for their first child as they launch into this next step in their family dynamic. Even my own mother told me she cried about how she was going to rock my little 3-year-old world when she went to the hospital to deliver my younger sister.
So while I certainly am expecting some speed bumps along the way, and I know that becoming a big brother will be a huge and likely challenging transition for Colin, weirdly enough, I am not sad, mad or feeling bad (…sheesh, just call me Dr. Seuss).
He’ll always be my first baby, no matter how big he grows…
Given that I’m nearly 39 weeks pregnant and basically a hot, hormonal mess, I find myself surprised to feel that way. While I didn’t get these feelings early on, I assumed they would hit like a ton of bricks when I held him next to a gigantic baby belly. That I would mourn our family of three.
But crazy enough, I am feeling energized and excited about what is in store not just for our family, but for Colin. Since I never envisioned him being an only child, more than anything I am excited for him (and for all of us) to meet this little guy who will one day be his buddy, his partner in crime, his sidekick.
While I know our one-on-one time will be much diminished with this upcoming transition, we will appreciate it more when we do have our special mother-son moments. His special relationships with mom and dad will now be expanded to include a special relationship with his baby bro. Because mom and dad won’t be here forever, but his relationship with his sibling will hopefully be built to last the test of time.
I have no doubt that he will still hold a special place in my heart, even as my heart bursts at the seams as it expands enough to hold the love I will have for both my sons.
How did you feel when your first child was no longer your only? Were you sad or excited for the changes in your family size?
wonderful grape / 20453 posts
I don’t feel bad or sad about it, either. Such is life. Moms fabricate too much guilt for themselves where it’s not needed
admin / watermelon / 14210 posts
i didn’t feel bad at all either.
once the baby comes home though, your oldest will instantly seem HUGE! like their head seems like a watermelon compared to the baby.
squash / 13208 posts
I actually felt a little bad for baby #2 that she never had all that 1:1 time with me and DH. This was one of the reasons why I kept DS in DCP during my maternity leave so I could soak up DD all by myself!
squash / 13208 posts
@Mrs. Bee: yes!! I remember thinking my 2.5 yr old had GIANT hands!!
eggplant / 11716 posts
I don’t feel bad either! I also don’t feel guilty about dividing my time after LO #2 arrives, because I generally think it’s not especially good for kids to have 2 parents laser-beam focused only on them their whole lives.
Anyway, I’m in big classes of 20-30 kids in every class at work so I feel like 2 is okay.
I’m much more worried about how I will deal with less sleep, less time to myself, less of everything.
pomegranate / 3314 posts
Totally with you. Our kids will be 3 years apart and I really feel like I have given a ton of time, focus and attention to LO #1. I am worried about the chaos of adding another, but I am certainly not worried about my oldest adapting. If anything, I think “sharing” me with a sibling will be good for her.
blogger / watermelon / 14218 posts
@Mrs. Bee: @Mamaof2: haha yes, the first time Wagon Jr. came running towards me I was like WHOA! HE’S HUGE!
I never went through any mourning, sadness, or guilt! I guess I always knew we’d be at least a family of 4 so his position as the baby of our family was never really established. First child, yes, but not “only baby”. Also, the fact that he was NOT a clingy child at all, super independent from the beginning, probably helped. LMW is more clingy and I don’t think I want a 3rd child because I don’t want to make her a middle child and have another child be the baby of the family.. so I guess that is similar to what other moms seems to go through when anticipating their second!
kiwi / 511 posts
I wasn’t sad that we were going from 1 to 2 per se because I was actually pretty excited because we were adopting #1 when I surprise got pregnant. I was a bit sad that our oldest would have 6 months to adjust to a new home, parents, language, food etc. before our youngest came along.
And then I thought about it our oldest was used to having other kids around ALL THE TIME. This also helped when it came time to put him in daycare. So my sadness was barely a blip on the radar.
olive / 55 posts
I find that I don’t feel sad or nostalgic about a lot of things that other people do. People are just different, right?
pomegranate / 3768 posts
I’m not sad/guilty about it either. I guess I’m just thinking that what DD will be gaining (buddy for life) far outweighs what she will be losing (one on one attention).
blogger / pomegranate / 3201 posts
I am definitely feeling those sad and guilty feelings. I am also very excited, but I think it’s just that I know it will be a hard adjustment for everyone and things are going to well for us right now, I’m nervous about shaking it up.
blogger / pomelo / 5361 posts
I’m a little nervous about the transition, but more from a “How crazy will behavior, etc. get?” perspective. None of my kids will ever have been an only child, so they’re all in good company!
pomegranate / 3565 posts
I was a bit sad but not guilty. I was worried about his transition and how he would react to his brother. I worried for nothing! It’s been great. Giving him a brother is the best thing I’ve done for him. They are already best friends at 2 years old and 8 months old.
I had a harder time dividing my attention at first but we got over that.
blogger / nectarine / 2600 posts
I was totally in the opposite camp of you. I even blogged about the days counting down. I was so sad for Drake even if I knew in the long run he and we would all be fine and love our new baby (which we do clearly) By nature I am a very emotional and sentimental person and change is always hard for me though so this might have compounded it all. I am thrilled that you are so happy to meet your new son though and its going to be so amazing for Collin to have someone to play with and be buddies with like you said!
blogger / pear / 1563 posts
I totally felt the same way!
blogger / eggplant / 11551 posts
I didn’t feel sad either, I was excited to make her a big sister! I felt really lucky we got two whole years to ourselves!
guest
One of the greatest gifts you can give your child is a sibling (I am so thankful I have 3!). When we had our 2nd daughter a few months ago I did get a little misty-eyed for my oldest (last days as an only child) AND my youngest (never will get ALL the attention) but seeing the love of our oldest continue to grow for her sister has been amazing. I’m cherishing these days with my two littles! I hope they will have each other for the rest of their lives. And 4 months postpartum, I’m ready to add to the family…but I’ll give that a few years
blogger / cherry / 247 posts
This is a good post! I think the messages you read/hear are overwhelmingly the opposite so moms feel as though they need to feel that way too. I’m 28 weeks and not feeling strongly one way or the other.
grapefruit / 4441 posts
I am mostly excited for my daughter to have a sibling, but I do feel a little worried/sad about the possibility that she might feel jealous or displaced. I feel like the change from a family of 3 to a family of 4 will be slightly bittersweet. I really don’t feel guilty though and don’t expect to. I know (or at least really hope) that my daughter will appreciate having a sibling most, if not all, of her life!
guest
As I think about trying for a second child I’m most excited about my son having a sibling. I feel more nervous about not being able to shower him/her with the same amount of attention my son has been spoiled with.
honeydew / 7295 posts
@mrs. tictactoe: me too!
I’m totally feeling the sadness. I know it’s going to be wonderful but its also going to be so hard for my son at first and I am sure I will miss being able to be as close and attentive to him.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with not feeling that way though. I think it’s great!