I didn’t really know much about being an introvert until I took a psychology course in college. That’s when I realized that not only was I shy back then, but that I needed time to myself to recoup. I liked hanging out with people, but I knew I needed time alone to unwind and recharge. It was vital to my sanity.

Once I got married, it became even more apparent that I needed my own space or just time to myself. My husband is an extroverted introvert – if that’s even a word. He can talk to strangers on the train or store and chat with them about anything, but he likes his time alone/quiet time to recharge. I, on the other hand, am a bit more shy than he is. Sometimes I feel awkward in new surroundings and with people I don’t know, but I think I am better at adapting as I have gotten older than when I was in high school and college.

So since introverts get their energy from spending time alone, what’s a introverted, married, stay-at-home-mom of a toddler supposed to do? I love my daughter. I love being a mom but we are together all day and I’m tending to her needs. When she was younger, it was physically harder (lack of sleep, breastfeeding, feeing tired) but now that she is a toddler, I find it to be more emotionally and mentally challenging. It’s my joy and privilege to do what I can for her, but by the end of the day I am beat from taking her on playdates, entertaining her, and taking care of her needs.

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photo credit Wee Structured

Here’s what has helped me:

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  1. I find time for myself. I’m very lucky in that my daughter takes good naps almost every day. There are some days when she won’t nap but for the most part, she takes a 2-2.5 hour nap; sometimes she sleeps for 3 hours. During that time, I get time to myself. Sometimes I’ll do chores but sometimes I just VEG out.
  2. I say no. I have some friends who are definitely extroverts and after they put their kids to bed, they go out all the time or are on the phone talking to friends. There are times when I will go out after Little SB has gone to bed, but for the most part I don’t because I’d rather stay home and relax. I know that it will make me a better mom the next day if I’ve had some down time to recharge and rest. I don’t have any qualms about saying no to GNO or MNO because I know myself and what my needs are. Sometimes I just need to stay home and play Candy Crush for a little while to unwind. Sometimes I also just can’t talk on the phone or text all night long because I need to decompress.
  3. Banish mom-guilt. There are some days when I just feel especially drained so I will let Little SB watch TV or use the iPad and I’m ok with it. I know there are numerous articles about technology and young kids, but there are times when you have to do what you have to do in order to survive that day. I’m not going to beat myself over it. Being a mom is hard enough without feeling guilty about your parenting choices unless those choices are neglectful or dangerous.
  4. Staying up a little later or getting up a little earlier. On nights when Mr. SB and I have a date night (whether it’s outside the house or at home), I’ll stay up a little later afterwards to have time to myself. There are also some days when I’ll wake up a little earlier for some time to myself, but that doesn’t happen as much because I am not a morning person.

If I don’t take care of myself, then I can’t be an effective mother or wife. I know these things about myself so I’m more intentional in what I do. It doesn’t mean I’m not a social person, but I know my limits.

Are you an introvert or an extrovert? What helps you as a parent?