Hellobee

Parenting is intense. Everyday is a feast of the senses – the wails and screams, the reek of a dirty diaper, the silkiness of newborn skin, the mosaic of baby food all over your shirt. If you are a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), you might experience these sights, smells and sounds even more vividly.

Parenting is also a roller coaster of emotions. The pride, despair, frustration, and joy that bombards us each day. A Highly Sensitive Person might experience these emotions even more intensely, and they might linger around longer.

The defining book on high sensitivity is The Highly Sensitive Person: How To Thrive When the World Overwhelms You. In it, Dr. Elaine Aron describes HSPs as having extra sensitive nervous systems. It’s an inborn trait (it’s also found in animals!). “Sensitive” can have a bad connotation, but it’s actually a neutral trait- helpful in some situations, a hindrance in others.

• Highly Aware: Simply stated, HSPs notice more. They can spot subtleties in the environment that non-HSPs might not notice.
• Deep Processors: They also process this information differently. They take it in more deeply, categorize it into finer distinctions, and carefully tuck it away for future reference (usually to avoid mistakes and errors). Because HSPs notice so much, they can become easily overstimulated and need lots of quiet time to recharge. Big life changes can be extra tough for HSPs.
• Emotionally reactive: They are also highly attuned to facial expressions, tone of voice, and others’ social cues, which causes them to be emotionally aware and empathetic.
• Strong sensations: Lastly, they are highly sensitive to their own sensations – hunger, fatigue, heat, cold, aches, pains.

I actually found out I was a highly sensitive person a few years ago. I got goosebumps; the book described me to a T. I answered yes to every single item in the HSP self-test in the book. I truly wish I’d know about it when my daughter was a baby. Perhaps I could have coped with the onslaught of sensations, emotions, and sleep deprivation that comes with new parenthood a lot better. I might have carved out more quiet time, asked for (and hired) more help, sought out other HSPs to commiserate with, avoided too many parenting books and google searches, and given myself more pep talks and pats on the back. No wonder I was overwhelmed! Parenting was the biggest life change I’ve ever experienced, intense in every possible way.

About 1 in 5 of you are highly sensitive moms, too! Here are some ways my HSP trait shows itself in my parenting. If these resonate with you, you can take the HSP self-test here to get a better idea of if you have the trait of sensory processing sensitivity.

• Do you react viscerally to your child’s cries?
• Do you need alone time where you can have a break from the constant demands of parenthood?
• Do kids’ play places (think Chuck E. Cheese) rub you the wrong way because they are so overstimulating?
• Do you prefer quiet mellow outings to the park or library instead?
• Is it very stressful when you have to deter from your kids’ normal routines?
• Do you aim to be careful and consistent in your parenting?
• When others criticize your parenting, does that criticism stick with you for days?
• When your kids eat or sleep poorly, is it hard to take it in stride?
• Are you in tune with your kids’ emotions and needs? Can you often anticipate when they are feeling tired, hungry or overstimulated? When they are about to melt down?

Why does it matter?

Being highly sensitive makes parenting so hard sometimes. I collapse in bed at 9:30 pm, barely able to speak some nights. My body and mind have taken in sooo much that day, and I’m drained to the core. I also take parenting so darn seriously. The failed naps, the tears, the blowout diapers sometimes seem like huge crises, when really those things are just a normal part of motherhood. I try so hard to please my children, to make their days wonderful, to do it all correctly, when sometimes they just need to cry and be grumpy. It’s so hard not to take it personally. Sometimes being overstimulated makes it hard to go out into the world with my kids – dealing with the stimulation of the outside world plus the unpredictability of little kids can seem like too much.

But being highly sensitive also makes parenting easier in some ways. I have a sixth sense for what my kids need at any given time. I can notice a poopy diaper long before my less sensitive husband can. Same with rashes and impending sickness. I am super conscientious and careful in my parenting, which is typical of HSPs. I am very empathetic, which I believe is the key to respectful parenting. I am good at helping my kids understand and process their own emotions.

Most of all, it’s helped me understand my child, who is also highy sensitive, in a deep and profound way. For that, I’m actually grateful I’m an HSP, even though it comes with many burdens to bear.

Photos by Whitby B Photography

Are you a highly sensitive person, or do you have a child or spouse that’s highly sensitive?