You guys, I have a parenting secret. A Jedi-mind-trick, if you will, that has revolutionized my life.
It’s pretty basic. Many of you probably already know this or do it on the daily. BUT, every single time I use this trick in public I have other parents stare at me open-mouthed and say “I have to try that!” So, I figure, there have to be at least some people out there who don’t know this trick yet. So, I’m spilling my secrets.
Are you ready? The best way I can think of to tell you about this trick is to tell you a story about it in action. Let me paint the scene for you…
We were hanging out at Barnes & Noble recently and Jackson was playing with the train set with a bunch of other toddlers. He was having a blast, but we had been there for about half an hour and Mr. Garland and I were getting hungry for lunch. I walked over and said, “hey buddy, are you ready to go get some lunch?”
“Nope!”
“…we’re going to go have pizza!”
“Nope!”
He was clearly irritated with me even asking and toddled off, train in hand, to keep playing. I knew it was time for the timer.
I grabbed my phone and said, “Jack, you have one more minute to play. I am setting my timer. When it beeps, it’s time to go.”
One minute later, my timer went off. I walked back over and showed Jackson the phone. I told him it was time to say bye-bye to the trains and go have lunch.
Do you want to know what he did?
He set the train down on the table and said, “bye bye!” then he waved and said bye to each of the kids he had been playing with. Then, he ran over to where Mr. Garland was waiting with the stroller and hopped right in.
Seriously.
Toddlers need warning, they need boundaries, and they need some extra prompts. There’s just something about that magic little timer that works every time. We use it for bath time, nap time, going in from playing in the backyard…basically every single time we know he’ll struggle with a transition, we bust out the timer. And it works every. single. time.
And now you know!
Have you tried the timer trick with your toddler yet?
persimmon / 1467 posts
I realized that “soon” or “wait” have no meaning to my toddler so now I count to ten. I used it the other day when he was playing on a tractor at a farm (favorite thing ever). I told him we were going to go after I counted to ten. He said no, but when I reached ten he walked back to the car with no protest!
guest
I used to teach Pre-K and we also used a timer for everything. We had sand timers so the children could see that the time was running out. They would eventually even use the timers themselves to help take turns and share toys. It’s hard to argue with something that visually says “your time here is done”
clementine / 878 posts
Yes yes yes! I read about it in a parenting book and tried it and it works great! At first I was going to use it for bedtime for limiting how much time I lay next to her by the crib patting her back but decided against it unless it acted like an alarm and woke her up instead. BUT it has been working wonders for finishing up screen time. The challenge for me is to always enforce it and shut off the video when the timer rings, no matter how much I want to extend her screen time in exchange for a little more “me” time. Love the timer! We just use an old fashioned kitchen timer. I didn’t even realize there was a good timer on the phone! I always just thought there was an alarm clock and a silent timer, not the option for a buzzer at the end. Thanks for the info! Can you tell I am not very tech savvy?
honeydew / 7504 posts
I started doing this randomly one morning because getting out the door had become such a huge battle. It works like a charm! I set the timer for a few minutes before we need to leave, and tell him, “Ok, buddy, when the oven beeps, it’s time to put on our jackets and go to Mommy’s car.” Oven beeps, he drops what he’s doing, and comes over to put his jacket on. Almost every time. With no tears, no yelling. It’s beautiful. I’ve started doing it at other times, too, when I know the stopping whatever he’s doing could be a struggle.
blogger / grapefruit / 4836 posts
Haha we do this too
I’ve never actually had to use a real timer but I will keep that in mind for when he stops believing his minute is really over 
guest
The timer has been SO helpful for us. When we switched from a crib to toddler bed due to my toddler repeatedly climbing out, bedtime became a nightmare. Now we watch 4-6 minutes of Mr. Rogers on a phone/iPad (she rarely gets screen time other than this) then together we set the phone/iPad alarm for 8-10 minutes and when it goes off we finish up the page and she goes right down.
guest
I seem to be the exception. I set the timer for my 3 year old and when it goes off, she hears it beeping, I show her its beeping, it means nothing to her. FAIL. I’ve tried several times and its never motivated her to do anything she didn’t want to do.
blogger / nectarine / 2043 posts
I do this too, and my kid outright ignores me LOL Maybe an actual timer might help – right now I’m just counting to 10.
wonderful pea / 17279 posts
Let’s say you’re a softy and add more time if your LO askes for another or minute or two or five, is the timer trick still effective?
nectarine / 2641 posts
My guy is generally compliant with transitioning, but we tried this during a rough patch. It worked a few times and then he started shrieking “no timer no timer!!” It would stress him out more. It’s been awhile though and I should try again if he resists a transition.
pea / 18 posts
We use this! Started around 12mo, and now at 25mo, my daughter will sometimes ask for a timer. Seriously works WONDERS!
blogger / honeydew / 7081 posts
Why have I never thought of this? We give her plenty of warnings before transitions, but the concept of ‘two minutes’ doesn’t mean much to a two year old. Going to try the timer today!
pomegranate / 3438 posts
It works until he starts asking for “just one more minute, pleeeease!”
pea / 13 posts
Totally trying this today!
blogger / apricot / 378 posts
@Lauren: for Jackson, the first few times I had to enforce it regardless of his reaction. So, for example, if it was a bath time timer and he ignored me, I just picked him up, reminded him that it was bath time and we went. He didn’t like it, but I only had to do that a couple of times before he learned that the timer meant business.
@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I would be very careful with that. You really want them to know that the timer means it’s time to go, and if you start adding more time they’ll quickly learn that the timer doesn’t REALLY mean that it’s time to go, there’s room for negotiation. So, I wouldn’t add time unless you absolutely have to, and then I would make it your idea not theirs. For example, when the timer goes off if you know you want him to have more time, you can say “you know what, let’s take two more minutes before we go”‘rather than waiting until he asks. That way you’re still in control of the situation and you don’t get into a power struggle. But, as a rule, I would stick to it if you set a timer!
@KT326: Haha and that’s when we get to practice the skill of sticking to what we said! So hard sometimes!
cherry / 222 posts
The added bonus, at least when they are little, is that then the timer becomes the bad guy (as in “I wish we could stay longer too, but the timer went off and says we have to go.”
persimmon / 1161 posts
We do this regularly and started it to transition from playing and cleaning up in the evening to bath time and bed time. Once the timer goes off there’s no more asking for snacks or playing with toys, etc.
coffee bean / 28 posts
We use this technique and it works in our house! We don’t have to use it as much but when she was younger we had to set a timer everytime at the park because she could swing for a hour if I let her.
guest
durrr, why didn’t I think of doing that. Going to try it tonight!
apricot / 400 posts
I am so glad I’m not the only one! Once, when I used this trick, someone commented to me that it was such a logical, lawyer thing to do (I am a lawyer), and ever since then, I’ve been embarrassed that I use it. But, like you said, kids need that warning in order to transition well and the time makes it so you’re not making up the fact it’s time to go – the timer says so!
wonderful clementine / 24134 posts
@merriment: Yes! You can better then acknowledge their feelings and let the timer be the bad guy!
grapefruit / 4717 posts
Yup! Works like a charm. Just used it to let each kid have a turn on a scooter. He reminded me to set the timer for each turn and when it rang at the end of his turn, he hopped right off.
pea / 20 posts
Love this trick!!! I use the timer and counting down from 10, depending on the situation. They both work wonderfully with my 3yr old.
cherry / 108 posts
I saw my best friend use this with her son awhile back. I haven’t used it but have started giving warnings after hearing our babysitter say she would give my daughter a heads up (ex. “only two books then bed time!”) so I started doing the same and sometimes she protests but not as adamantly as she used to. And sometimes she turns off the iPad herself and walks to her room to read books before bed! It’s truly amazing. I always repeat the warning (ex. “Two more songs, then diaper and night-night time”) at least 2-3x so she can acknowledge and say “ok”. Been working well. May start to implement the timer trick too!
blogger / kiwi / 675 posts
we do this too and it works like a charm! love it. Anything to avoid meltdowns
cherry / 201 posts
This is a great tip. Thanks!!
pomelo / 5621 posts
Brilliant! I’m going to try this in the mornings. Some days are so hard to get out the door on time.
persimmon / 1361 posts
I do this! It is AMAZING how well it works. My 3 yo acts like nothing is up for negotiation any more if the timer goes off and cooperates without question. If the alarms ever sounds for another reason, he looks up to try to figure out what he’s supposed to be doing.
guest
Hi Mrs. Garland. My first time reading your posts. Thanks for sharing
We use the time timer, and the visual aspect empowers my daughter to know what to expect. http://www.timetimer.com/ I bulked at the price but it’s proven to be worth every penny.