I read it over and over in many baby books. One of the top rules for recovering moms was to find a support group of other mommies. Even with the most supportive and loving friends, they can’t understand what you’re going through. They want to, but this incredible responsibility in becoming a mother is beyond what you can describe.

When Baby Pencil was around 8 months old, I found out about a local support group of mommies at my church. It was dedicated for new mommies or mothers of young ones not yet in school. One woman felt for young mothers, having been a mother to 4 herself, and wanted to be there for them since her kids were all grown up. It was so nice to have a leader who was long past our stage, so she could really give us her wisdom and time. Our church provides free childcare (with donations accepted), so there is a playroom nearby where toddlers can have free play time. But of course, they are welcome to sit around the mommies with their toys and play quietly while we have our mommy time. To have childcare provided is a huge gift, especially for mamas who don’t get to have a break all week!

Every time we met, we were frazzled, came in our PJs or yoga pants with spit-up in our hair. Moms come in 45 minutes late, with fussy babies or whining toddlers and often would have to leave early or be absent altogether because someone was sick or having a meltdown. The wonderful thing is that all of the moms are in the same stage so everyone is very understanding! It was like being on an airplane full of toddlers or babes that were all having meltdowns together. We would hold each other’s babies, scoop up dropped pacifiers, share our snacks, and not be phased at all. The familiarity of the chaotic mess is almost comforting when you see that other moms are just as crazed as you are. I am telling you, it is so wonderful to just be in an environment where everyone knows exactly what you’re going through!

Here are some other reason why finding a mommy group within your specific age group can be beneficial:

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  • You can lean on each other

Like I mentioned before, you are free to ask without feeling apologetic. We ask for help because we really don’t have a choice. “Can you grab his shoe?” “Can you pour me some milk?” “Can you watch him real quick while I pee?” Yes, yes and yes. It’s so great to know that someone can ask you the same thing and you would absolutely do the same for them. Even a quick gesture of watching your baby while you run to the restroom is genuinely appreciated!

  • You can cry… a lot

Let’s face it. You cry a lot in that first year of new motherhood. There have been times when a mom didn’t even say a word, and just burst into tears and we didn’t even need to say anything at all. We just hugged them and said we were there for them. There is so much humility, honesty and freedom in breaking down in front of a group of mommies. And who better to turn to? These mommies care for little babies – their hearts are wide open. We share as much as we want, and we don’t share. It’s all good either way!

  • You can ask advice

There are so many different suggestions you can share in mommy groups. Best playgrounds, best malls with baby entertainment, best locations for a birthday party, best Netflix  shows for toddlers. It is especially helpful when you have mommy friends who have slightly older kids or have multiple kids. The great thing about meeting on a weekly basis is that we can ask our updated questions since our kids love to change things on us all the time!

  • You can have lots of play dates

This particular group meets on a weekday morning, so most of us are either SAHM’s or WAHM’s. Our hours are flexible and since we are mostly local, we can meet up anywhere as long as we can find a good window in our nap schedules. We generally go to the same parks or the same malls, so might as well go together!

  • You practice talking to adults… thus feeling more normal!

This may sound funny, but I remember before entering this group I almost couldn’t get through a conversation without stuttering or blanking out. It’s like someone pulled out words from my brain and I couldn’t remember names or streets or even simple words! But having 2 hours of “adult conversation” has really made me feel more sane. I can actually say things about how I’m feeling that week. Not everything out of my mouth is a to-do list. I stopped saying “what was I saying…? I forgot what we were talking about…” Afterwards I felt so energized being able to talk to another person about my day. And on those days when I’m not so “normal,” all is forgiven. Even if I forget my husband’s name! (True story.)

  • It feels wonderful to see sympathy and compassion in someone’s eyes for you

There have been plenty of times when I broke down. It can start as simple as someone looking at you and saying “so honestly… how are things?” I would break down in tears not even realizing how much I was suppressing. And what I got back was pure and honest sympathy. And ladies, I drink up that sympathy because I am starving for it! Not only do I know that another mom of a young child understands how exhausted I am, but they feel bad for me. My pride goes out the window and I fall into the arms of another mom, and it feels so good. (Now I see why our babies cling to us so much!) We take care of the house, the kids, the husband. It’s rare to feel taken care of and sometimes all you need is a sympathetic glance. It feels so good to have that physical support vs an email or text. (Although those are helpful too!)

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My amazing support group of mommies!

I urge all new mommies to seek out any type of community like this! It has been my bread and butter to my sanity. Especially for first time mothers, it can be so lonely and filled with anxiety. I am definitely feeling the desire to do the same and lead a simliar group for when my kids are all grown up! New mommies (and old mommies!) are so vital for our communities, no matter what background you come from. We have mommies who joined our group simply by meeting them at parks and they do not share our faith. But we share the most valuable foundation of all – being a mom. It definitely bridges any gap and makes us fast friends.

Do you all have communities or support groups? How did you find them?