I recently stumbled on a little trick that seems to work like magic to get my toddler to listen better.
Now, I’m not telling you this trick works every time. I’d give it a good 70% ranking on the effectiveness scale, but that’s better than nothing. I figured a tip this good just has to be shared!
The trick?
Anytime I can tell Jackson is about to argue, or immediately after he tells me, “no,” I have him practice saying “okay, mama” instead. The majority of the time, after he says, “okay, mama,” he immediately complies with whatever I was asking of him.
Causing all sorts of trouble at Lowe’s…a perfect opportunity to practice this trick!
What does this look like in real life?
Say we’re hanging out at home and Jackson is playing with something I don’t want him to have. I tell him to leave it alone, he ignores me.
So, I walk over and say “Jackson, I told you not to play with that. “Okay, mama” and I wait expectantly. At this point, he’s learned the routine, so he says, “Okay, mama” and leaves it.
It’s that easy.
Now, sometimes I try this and instead he shouts “no” or begins crying. At that point, I calmly say, “try again…’okay mama.'” Rinse and repeat until he responds appropriately. If he continues to refuse after two or three tries, I’ll have him take a time out and try again afterwards. However, this rarely has to happen.
I know it sounds absolutely crazy, but there’s something about giving your toddler a script that seems to knock them out of their stubborn spell and give them a structured way to follow your directions. I think many times it’s just routine for them to say “no” when given a direction, and as parents we often leave room open for argument by phrasing things as a question (“are you ready to clean up now?”) or by giving too much wait time between a command and enforcing a consequence for not obeying. By almost immediately reminding Jackson of what he should say – often before he’s even had a chance to try and get out of it – I’m not giving him any room to disobey and I’m constantly providing prompts for what an appropriate response looks like.
It may not work for everyone (and it definitely doesn’t work for me every single time), but it’s an easy little trick to try that just might revolutionize the toddler power struggle in your home!
What are your simple little tricks for getting your toddler to listen?
GOLD / wonderful pomegranate / 28905 posts
Bahaha. This only works 30% of the time with my kids. And only when they are already having a good day.
pomelo / 5220 posts
I can totally see how this would work. My son is so used to hearing me say “I can’t let you do that.” He doesn’t try to fight me nearly as hard when he hears it… 50-60% of the time. Ha!
grapefruit / 4988 posts
This is so cute. I think it would probably actually work for my toddler. I have noticed that when I tell her “no” (which is infrequent), she likes to yell “NO!” back at me. I need to try this instead.
guest
Ha! There’s not a chance this would work with my headstrong toddler.
blogger / apricot / 250 posts
My son hasn’t started talking yet but he knows how to say no by shaking his head. I’m definitely going to try your approach once he gets vocal.
guest
I could see this working with my daughter. I’ll have to give it a try. How old is your son?
blogger / apricot / 378 posts
@Robin: He’s 26 months!
apricot / 298 posts
I’ll have to try to incorporate this.
I hadn’t realized how often I’d been saying “What did I tell you/what did I just say?” to my 2 year old, until she started saying it back to me. At the advice of a friend, I started asking “Do you need help listening?” instead, and if she still doesn’t comply, we sit down in time out for a minute, take deep breaths, and practice our listening. Again, it doesn’t work every time, but it works most of the time, and I think it’s much kinder to say!
guest
As a transplant to the South, I’ve noticed parents here do the same concept but use “yes, ma’am”. I, too, am/was surprised at how effective it is.
blogger / kiwi / 675 posts
I once heard a friend say to their child “say okay mom” to her request. It had never dawned on me to address a child in this way but it does work well for toddlers. They often simply don’t know what we’re trying to say to them and need the “script” I say if it works go with it! haha
He is absolutely adorable btw!