Last weekend, I was out and about with the kiddo when I ran into two instances where I noticed that a fellow mama had their child in a precarious situation based on the placement of their babe’s car seat. In one instance, a mama was using a high chair at a coffee shop – you know how you can turn it over and it often is designed to hold/fit a car seat – and the seat wasn’t aligned on one side. In the other, a fellow mama had her newborn’s carrier perched on the top part of a grocery cart.

In both of these moments, I found myself hesitating, wondering if I would have liked a fellow mama to jump in and point out that potentially dangerous situation. In one case – at the coffee shop – it was a matter of not being able to see the angle/misalignment of the car seat on top of the high chair. I doubt this was a lack of knowledge about the danger. In the other – the cart at the grocery store – I had no idea if that mama had heard about the dangers about putting an infant on the topmost part of the cart. In that case, it may have been a conscious decision, based on her experiences (nothing bad had happened before), or a lack of awareness.

In the end, I said nothing to either mama. And here I am, over a week later, finding myself wondering if I could have shared what I saw in a friendly, nonjudgmental way. I believe I would want a mama who saw something or knew something more than me to have said something. But I also know that when I chose to say something could have been one of THOSE mornings when life as a parent is THE HARDEST JOB ON THE PLANET and just making it to the grocery store or coffee shop was that mama’s win for the day. Who am I to insert myself into other’s parenting?

So I’m left trying to figure out if there is a hierarchy, a process of elimination, like a flowchart called, “I Should Say Something If…” where we ask ourselves questions and if yes, we do this, and if no, we do this. Wouldn’t a universal flowchart that came in your hospital discharge packet be the bomb? “Dear new parent, Soon, you’ll see parents engaging in parenting decisions that you deem questionable. When this occurs, use this handy chart to determine if and when you should insert yourself as a third party parent.”

All kidding aside, we’ve all been there, right? As I construct my own personal flowchart (copyright pending, natch), here’s what I’m wondering :

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– Does context matter? Is it important to assess where we are when we see something and feel moved to say something? If we’re in certain places in public, like at the grocery store or the park, does that push the moral imperative to jump in above, say, a place like church or school?

– Does relationship matter? Does the decision to say something rest on whether that person is a blood relation, an in-law, a fellow mama in a playgroup or a dang stranger you exchanged weary “we’re-mamas-and-we-so-got-this” smiles with across the playground? Is it more important to say something if we know that person, above the need to say something to a stranger?

– Does topic matter? Meaning, if I see something that could be detrimental to the safety of another kiddo, does that take precedence over saying something that is a more general suggestion?

– Finally, is third party parenting/suggestions EVER really DESIRED? Do any of us want someone saying something to us? What if it saved a kid’s life?

I’m no closer to my flowchart, and I have no idea what I should have done in my two earlier examples.

What would you have done?