Mr. Cotton Candy and I had our Little Cotton Candy in November of 2012, and from the time I got pregnant, we knew there was a good chance we would be “one and done.” We saw a lot of benefits to having just one child. You can focus more on them and have more energy and time to devote to them and their endeavors and emotional well-being. Plus, it is (presumably) easier to have a work/family/adult-life balance with just one child; it’s easier to get a babysitter and have more date nights, which help keep you connected as a couple. And, of course, it’s easier to swing one child financially than multiple children.
Then Little Cotton Candy arrived, and the learning curve for parenthood felt so steep. I was honestly overwhelmed with the transition from only having to worry about myself to being imbued with this fragile, precious being Mr. Cotton Candy and I were solely responsible for keeping alive. For a very long time after Little Cotton Candy’s birth, I couldn’t imagine having another. My brain would just shut down upon thinking about it. In retrospect, I may have been suffering from postpartum anxiety, but I had nothing to compare it to, so I assumed my feelings were normal.
But then…the door to having a second started to open. Well, let’s say it started to crack. I think the first time I truly considered having a second was when a parent friend said that a motivation of their having two was the idea that the kids would have each other once their parents are gone. Somehow I had never thought about things in those terms, and it made an impact on me.
Cut to a few weeks ago, and Mr. Cotton Candy and I had the rare opportunity of a lunch date while Little Cotton Candy was in school. Over a delish French lunch (and let’s be honest: some beers) at a cute cafe, I floated to Mr. Cotton Candy that I couldn’t stop thinking about having a second, though I was still terrified. His words? “I could be talked into it.” What? This was NOT what I had expected him to say, and it kind of sent me into a tailspin. (Would this conversation have taken place without the aid of alcohol? We may never know.)
Over the next few weeks, I kept bringing up the topic to him, and each time he sounded more confident about the idea of a second. One night, while Mr. Cotton Candy’s parents were visiting from out of state and the two of us were finally alone for the evening and lying in bed, we just decided: We’re going to try for number two!
The choice of whether to have children and how many to have is so personal, so I hesitate to list our reasons for deciding to try for a second. But I would have found something like this helpful when I was fence-sitting, so here we go.
One caveat: I think only children are awesome, and if number two isn’t meant to be, I am fully prepared to embrace life as a family of three.
8 Reasons We Decided to Try for a Second Child:
1. If we have a second child, our kids will have each other when we are gone.
2. I am excited to see how Little Cotton Candy will interact with a baby brother or sis.
3. Little Cotton Candy is growing up so fast, and I would love one more baby to hold and nurse and snuggle and love.
4. Little Cotton Candy and his potential baby brother or sister will have each other growing up—a companion to play with, a confidant, and someone to have daily adventures with, even when school is out.
5. The longer I do this parenthood thing, the more confident I feel about the skills I have been developing. I truly think your brain changes when you have kids (at least for me it did), but mine took a while (three and a half years, to be exact) to catch up with the reality that this is my life now.
6. Instead of fighting parenthood and being stressed all the time, I decided to try embracing it. The messiness, the early wake-ups, the late nights, the temper tantrums. I’m leaning in to being a mom, and I’m loving it.
7. The things we would be “giving up” to have a second (free time, international travel, extra money) didn’t seem as important to us when compared to what we could get in return.
8. I am prepared to get through the tough, stressful, scary, and sleep-deprived first year once more if it means getting to have all of the above.
How did you decide to have a second child, if you did? Was it a difficult decision for you or did you always know?
guest
We have two children right now and would like to expand our family at some point. I am from a family of four and have loved knowing my siblings and I are in this world together, especially when my parents pass away (hopefully not anytime soon!). My dad is an only child and I know that factored heavily into my parents wanting a big family. More siblings, more cousins for our children, etc!
blogger / kiwi / 588 posts
I am an only child and I knew that I always wanted to have two or more children based upon my childhood experiences. Yes it is definitely more difficult with two (or more!) but I am glad to see my LOs relationship grow as they get older.
guest
We have 2 children now, our littlest one is almost 3 months…we both totally forgot about the feeding every 3 hours. With our first child he was in the NICU for 7 weeks, so we got tons of rest and was well rested by the time we brought him home. It’s getting better and we can’t wait to see these 2 guys play with each other.
cherry / 141 posts
I always thought I would be pregnant a second time around and we decided to have a second after much debate and prayer. I love the idea of a bigger family but we are done.
apricot / 370 posts
we had always talked about having 2, even though the struggle was real after the 1st one to think about having a 2nd one and going through child birth and raising another 1.
my husband and i both have siblings and we can’t imagine our lives without them and are so grateful for them. and it’s true that when my parents passed, my brother and i had each other to lean on and talk to, conversations that only my brother and I could relate to when it came to our parents and family, and truly, my brother is the best present my parents gave me. it was enough to convince me to have 2, so we have our 2 LOs and I can’t imagine life without both. yes all of the above is true but my girls fight a lot!!