“Mommy, how was your day? Busy with work and kids?” asks Lila as we snuggle together before she goes to sleep.
Getting sympathy from your 5-year-old is probably not where any mom wants to be, but these days, as I have pretty much dropped off the face of the earth except for work and sleep, I will take what I can get!
Due to a number of life circumstances colliding, post-holiday stress, and a new project at work, I have found myself feeling like the mom from American Housewife in the episode where she lies down in front of her minivan at the school pick-up line and just decides to give up (a great light-hearted TV show by the way, and one in which I sadly relate to all the punch lines as they seem like reality in my life).
HJ, being her own sensitive barometer of all the stress in our household, has accordingly ramped up her own separation anxiety to the point where I spent two hours of my last Saturday being the only parent in a tween ceramics class while she ordered me around on how to mold clay. Then I ended that lovely day being the only parent at 9-year-oldld birthday party where the girls were having a glow in the dark dance party to Katy Perry songs, while my HJ sat next to me on the couch playing Flow on the Kindle tablet.
Mr. Juice has done his best to be sympathetic, but as his own work responsibilities keep his availability to help out with the day to day childcare stresses to a minimum, I have decided that I have only three options if I am to survive:
- Do as much yoga as I can possibly squeeze in, which is unfortunately not much, and start the Whole 30 diet just because I need another something to add to my to-do-list.
- Go on an emergency weekend trip with girlfriends that will involve lots of talking, spa services, staying up late, and possible crying because I feel guilty being away from the kids.
- Hire an au pair.
Strangely, I felt a little better when I made some tentative plans to accomplish all three of the above goals. However, even the mental effort required to adequately research these possibilities and the physical effort to accomplish them seems overwhelming at the moment.
All I know is that I feel like I am at a tipping point. Something has got to give if our family is going to make it day to day. HJ has gotten to the point where she is pretty much declaring she is giving up too. After half a year of tagging along to Lila’s gymnastic and dance classes, albeit not happily, she has decided she is NOT going and if she goes she is NOT getting out of the car. As much as it stresses me out every day to deal with HJ when she makes her frustration known in this way, I have to admit I sympathize with her. I often wish that I could do the same thing!
I sometimes wonder what would happen if all the moms in the world just one day decided to take a strike from all the morning and night routines, the meal preparation, the driving back and forth, the overseeing of homework and school communication, the arranging of playdates, laundry, and other household chores… Would the whole world fall apart… Not to say that there aren’t some dads that do all of the above and more, of course, but just speaking hypothetically.
The other day I found myself taking a conference call for work at the kitchen table, drowning in a sea of school handouts, bills, and other mail yet to be read, and here is the kicker – using Lila’s pink and purple Doc McStuffins headphones because I had misplaced my headset.
Thankfully I did not have to be on the webcam, but if everyone at work only realized how that one image is so representative of my life at the moment, I would probably keel over from embarrassment or just burst out laughing and crying at the same time because that is all I have the energy to do.
So what is my dilemma? Really nothing more than what every mom faces at one time or another — work/life balance, finding the best childcare solution, managing your kids’ activities, etc..etc..
But somehow when you are the one in the middle of it all, sometimes you just feel like lying down in front of your minivan and saying, “I give up.”
Now if someone would just help me dust myself off, put on my big-girl yoga pants, and get back behind the wheel of the minivan, I think I will survive… As long as I am able to squeeze in that girls’ trip and hire that au pair.
blogger / apricot / 275 posts
well written, thanks for sharing
nectarine / 2436 posts
I so often want to give up, and my kid is only 12 months old and really not even difficult at all. I don’t know why I am so overwhelmed but I just am and get sucked up into my negativity. It’s suffocating.
apricot / 400 posts
Are you me? My husband has been working nights for the past month and I’m embarrassed to say how many times fish sticks have been all I can manage for dinner. Hang in there, Mama!
blogger / kiwi / 588 posts
I’m sorry you are feeling so overwhelmed. I hope you are able to find that au pair soon to help and that you are able to enjoy that girl’s trip with minimal mommy guilt.
blogger / kiwi / 626 posts
Hugs mama! I feel you! There are some nights when I just want to lock myself in the bathroom so I can be alone for a second. I continually find it amazing at how much stuff I have to get done every day.
pear / 1622 posts
I like your survival plan! Thank you for this post!
pomegranate / 3225 posts
I feel exactly like you. Thank you for putting it into words. Constantly at a breaking point and I know it cannot be good for the kids. We started family therapy twice a month and I think that is helping. But nothing would help as much as the Au pair and weekend away
blogger / cherry / 174 posts
I can definitely relate to this!
cherry / 239 posts
I’m right there with you. My husband is gone for work M-F and only home on weekends. It’s me, my 4 year old DD, and my almost 7 month old son during the week. Plus running my businesss from home, contemplating re-starting a previous business, and looking for property for that business. I feel like I’m going nuts sometimes!
Hugs to you, and know that you aren’t the only one!
coffee bean / 33 posts
yep. this is me! our budget is tight, but we hired a evening nanny to help the insanity. I was at my breaking point. She now helps cook dinner, give baths and clean up. It allows us to slow down just a tad in the evenings to catch our breath for the next crazy day. My husband travels at least 1-2 times a month for a week time span. So when the girls are sick im DOOMED! I have been you “working” at home with kid headphones while the sick kid watches wayyyy too much TV. Thank goodness for an amazing boss who babysits my kid in her office so i can get a few e-mails sent out before taking another sick day.
wheew. just typing that makes me exhausted. Im with you mama, and we can do it!!!