W was one of those newborns that slept like a dream. I had that baby thing down. I wasn’t sleep deprived! Up once a night? No problem. He went to bed late, but when he was down, he gave us a great stretch. I was functioning in the day like it was no problem. I hit the baby sleep lottery!
Smug and oh so very naïve.
We went through the four month sleep regression. Then we started teething. And then he started having intense leaps and developments.
And somewhere in there a good night sleep became a blue moon.
When you’re up in the middle of the night wondering why, you come up with a lot of theories. Here are some of my maybe plausible, and some of my ridiculous theories of why we don’t sleep.
He is too busy to eat in the day
Feeds are much shorter in the day, despite my best efforts, so he makes up for it in the night. His feeds have often been longer in the middle of the night than in the day.
My milk isn’t fatty enough
Maybe my milk content isn’t quite as fatty, so he needs to eat more than most babies?
Teething, always teething
My nearly 10 month old has 7 teeth, with seemingly more on the way. Teething is always the default reason.
His crib is evil
He sleeps better next to us most of the time, and inevitably at one point in the night it just is the worst place in the world, and he needs to be next to us.
Developmental leaps
We’re in crazy learning mode over here. Crawling, scooting, pulling to stand, cruising, speaking, signing, dancing. Lots of crazy leaps and learning. Lots of reasons to screw with sleep.
He inherited my sleep habits
“Just like your mommy!” is something my mom says quite frequently. I didn’t sleep well as a baby, and well, neither does my son.
Something is wrong
There is no rhyme, reason or pattern to his wake times. He knows how to sleep long stretches, so if he is up a lot, there is a reason. Teething? Upset tummy? Nightmare? There are lots of reasons I can come up with in the middle of the night. I struggle to night wean because I just feel like he needs me, and I know this is temporary.
Maybe he needs to see a osteopath
I’ve had a few people tell me that bringing their baby to the osteopath has resulted in miraculous sleep solutions. It’s not above me and we have an appointment next month.
He’s trying to kill me
This reason is reserved for 4+ wake-ups. HE IS TRYING TO KILL ME THROUGH SLEEP DEPRIVATION.
. . . . .
I spend a lot of time thinking about this, but at the same time, as much as it sucks, I know this too shall pass, and he’ll only wake like this for so long. He seems to know when it’s gone too far (or also hit that breaking point) and has a few good nights in a row just to allow me to catch up a bit. I never thought I’d be happy to see 2.5 hours, or 3 hour stretches of sleep. Four the holy grail? We’ve only seen over five a couple times in the past four months, and of course those are usually wasted on me being awake for a good chunk of it.
What reasons do you come up with for your sleep deprivation?
nectarine / 2636 posts
I’m kind of glad (in a way) that my 4 month old has never slept well. I haven’t gotten more than a 3 hour stretch since she was born. She typically goes to bed in the 6 o’clock hour and will sleep 3-4 hours, then up every 2 for the rest of the night. At least I didn’t get a false sense of “awesome sleeper” then it gets cruelly ripped out of my hands. I feel for you. I, too, feel like she’s trying to kill me via sleep deprivation. One day she’ll sleep through the night, right? Sigh.
blogger / apricot / 389 posts
@abbydabbydoodlebug: I always joke with my mom that I just stopped waking her up, because I still don’t sleep through the night…. so at the VERY least you have that to look forward to
wonderful kiwi / 23653 posts
Both my girls have never been great sleepers! I kinda just go with the flow. It’s always either teething or going through a leap! That’s my 2 go to!
wonderful pear / 26210 posts
Haha, we brought our son to an osteopath and she basically said he was a gangster and she couldn’t help him!
guest
I say this with love from an internet stranger, have you considered writing a post just about your baby and how sweet/cool/awesome he is? Because your last 7 posts are about sleep. TRUST me, I understand the strain of deprivation but as a reader and stranger I worry that sleep has a bigger hold on YOU than might be healthy. Sometimes when I’m in a tough parenting moment writing down an incident that was purely wonderful helps me through the doldrums.
pomelo / 5084 posts
I may have said this before (sorry if so?) but some of our woes about baby sleep are culturally conditioned. Babies are not MEANT to “sleep through the night” in their own dark room after 6 weeks. What they are doing – all of them – up until their first birthday or even beyond (!) – is totally, totally normal. Our expectations are too high/simply not correct. My son didn’t really sleep without help from us in various ways until 15 months. But I absolutely refused to withhold comfort (or food in your case) for the purpose of “making” him sleep better. Apologies if this comes off as snarky. I don’t intend it to be!! Good luck mama!
pomelo / 5621 posts
Just this morning when I got to work I said my son is trying to kill me through sleep deprivation! He’s 4.5 and has never been a great sleeper. He normally crawls into our bed at some point in the night. I love the snuggles and enjoy as I know soon enough he will be too big.
blogger / cherry / 174 posts
Sleep deprivation with my first kiddo was awful. I felt like a zombie because I was so tired. I couldn’t understand how my friends were rocking the baby stage. But with our second kiddo, he slept really well. I was finally able to enjoy the baby stage more, even though I had two kids. I just wasn’t so exhausted and sleep deprived anymore.
cantaloupe / 6730 posts
Haha, that was awesome. My first was a bad sleeper too. Sometime after 9 months old, I started waiting 5-10 min or so after she woke in the night. I still went in afterwards, but somehow waiting a little stretched out the wakeups. Or maybe it was coincidence. Who knows? She has been an AWESOME sleeper since 18 months (she’s 4 now), so there is still hope!
guest
My 10 month old doesn’t sleep very well either so I feel you. He is going through some crazy changes too so I hope it will get better soon.
coffee bean / 28 posts
My six month old has never been a good sleeper… I’ve convinced myself he’ll have ADHD and terrible sleep habits the rest of his life. Hopefully it’s just my sleep deprivation talking…
cherry / 176 posts
I love this. My 15 almost 16-month old still wakes 2-3 times per night and I’ve come up with almost everything on this list. The only other answer I also come up with is, “Because he’s a baby.” Sometimes that makes me feel a little better. Mostly not though.
olive / 50 posts
My first was not a good sleeper either, and sometimes there’s nothing to do but wait it out. I completely sympathize though, and I was a total zombie. Everyone’s different but once he could roll over, we did co-sleep which helped me rest while he was waking up frequently to nurse (he was reverse cycling, and refusing to eat at daycare). My second is a much better sleeper by nature. One thing we did differently was putting a sheepskin crib pad under her crib sheet which made it cozier/softer. I know probably against the rules but a friend from Australian gave it to us, it was made to be used in a crib and she could roll over by her self so we went with it. Good luck!
blogger / apricot / 389 posts
@snowjewelz: always something, right?
@looch: I’m afraid that this might be what happens for us too… but hey if it’s the magical fix? I’m willing to try!
@Amber – Thank you so much for your comment! I have kind of slacked on updates around here, so whenever I find a moment to post it’s often about something I think might be useful for someone else, or that has been floating around in my head and I feel the itch in my fingers to write about it. No lie the sleep stuff has certainly been on my mind a lot lately with the coaching and then our recent regression! I really hadn’t considered what this might look like as the overall picture of my parenting experience! I appreciate your comment, and will be sure to write some more fun posts about W and how amazing he is, because he is amazing, and being his mama is the very best
@wrkbrk: yes you did, and it’s so true! I DEFINITELY don’t worry about why he’s up so much, just wish he’d sleep more
I definitely come up with some wild theories in the middle of the night.
@ALV91711: yes, me too! I don’t mind them! I think even when he DOES sleep through the night, he’s definitely going to be coming in in the morning, because those snuggles are the best
@Mrs. Smoothie: One can only hope if we ever have a second that that baby will sleep like his/her father
@Grace: I still have hope!
@jomarma: I have MOST DEFINITELY convinced myself of the exact same thing.
@AnnabelleG: I totally should have added this, because that is most definitely the legit answer to this
@elise626: that sounds SO cozy!