Hellobee

If you have a toddler (or have spent any time around one, ever) you know that they’re independent little creatures. They’re learning how to gain control over situations and exert their independence every chance they get. If I had a dollar for every time I heard, “I got it” or, “No! Jackson!” (as in, Jackson will do it) every day…well, you know the rest of that story.

It can be trying (especially when you’re trying to rush out the door in the mornings), but I’ve found that my life is much easier when I stop fighting the independent streak and just let it happen. I want him to learn how to do things, right? I might as well take the time to teach him! Plus, there are few things on this earth cuter than tiny little toddlers doing things for themselves.

He’s all smiles when he gets to brush his own teeth. Not so much when I try to help.

Here are a few ways that we’re trying to foster independence in Jackson and allowing him to have some control over his day:

1. We let him pick his own clothes. This is a new thing for Jackson, but he is insistent on choosing his own clothes every day. The perfectionist in me wants to limit this to only matching clothes that I’m happy with him wearing, but I very quickly gave up on that and just gave him free reign of the closet. It takes us a bit longer to get ready in the mornings (toddlers are choosy little things!), but it’s worth it to see how excited he is to get dressed in the mornings these days. And even when he looks a little bit ridiculous, he’s still adorable.

2. We ask for his help whenever we can. Oh, how he loves to help. Carrying groceries in from the car might be his favorite pastime in the entire world, right next to feeding the dogs. We’ve made a sincere effort to seek out tasks around the house that he can participate in, and we ask him for help with them every chance we get. It makes our day-to-day so much easier and it absolutely melts my heart to see his giant grin when as he runs over to assist.

3. We don’t get into power struggles over meals. I think anyone with a child is probably familiar with how picky they are. Jackson used to be an amazing eater. He’d eat all vegetables, just about any meat, and he’d eat everything on his plate at every single meal. Now? I don’t think I’ve actually witnessed him eat a single vegetable in over a month and it’s a miracle if he so much as touches any meat that isn’t chicken sausage or deli meat. We decided very early on that there was no reason to fight it because we didn’t want mealtime to become a stressful time. Nowadays, he eats pretty good at breakfast and lunch, but rarely eats more than a bite or two for dinner. He’ll eat fruit and carbs like they’re going out of style, but veggies might as well be poisonous. I know it’s probably just a phase and someday he’ll eat green food again, so for now I’m not worried.

4. Whenever possible, we let him make decisions. It can be a dangerous thing to ask, “are you ready for bed?” but I’ve found that it can be a good question to ask! I always avoid giving Jackson a chance to share his opinion on activities if they have to happen immediately or if there isn’t much wiggle room, but if I’m willing to give him 5 more minutes before bath time or bedtime, I’ll often ask if he’s ready. If he says no, I simply reply, “okay, we don’t have to go now but we’re going in 5 minutes” and then set a timer. Often, though, he’ll come back to me a few minutes later actually asking to go take a bath or go to bed. Sometimes you just have to let them think it’s their idea!

5. We keep things on his level. Jackson has a snack basket in our pantry on the bottom shelf that he can easily reach. He can’t have snacks anytime he wants, but he does know exactly where to go to ask for a snack and we only keep things in there that we’re okay with him having basically anytime he asks. It’s a small basket that he can carry that has things like goldfish, peanut butter crackers, and granola bars. He knows he’s only allowed one snack in the afternoon when we get home from daycare, and he makes a beeline for the pantry when we walk in the door each afternoon!

Grocery shopping trips are a million times smoother when he gets his own cart!

6. We try not to rush. Sometimes all it takes is slowing down a bit and letting him do things at his pace. His current favorite thing is to carry his backpack to the car each day when we leave the house (and when we’re heading to the car after daycare). We’re often in a hurry and it’s tempting not to let him walk, but in the end we save a lot of tears and stress if we just let it happen. He’s gotten so good at carting his bag to the car and will often declare that it is “heavy” as he tries to lift it into the car. This tiny little change has almost completely eliminated tears from our morning routine. Getting to the car each morning with my sanity intact used to be almost impossible, but now it’s a breeze!

7. We give choices. I’ve talked about this a bit already but it deserves another mention because it makes such a huge difference. If there’s something I know Jackson doesn’t want to do, like leave a favorite toy at home or leave the park, I’ll find some aspect of that activity that I can let him make a decision on. For example, “do you want to leave your toy on the counter or on the table?” or “do you want to walk to the car or do you want me to carry you?” It doesn’t matter to me which one he picks, and he feels like he has some say in the situation so he’s much less likely to have a meltdown. Now, I’m not saying tantrums don’t happen (because, trust me, they do), but it helps…significantly.

8. We encourage independent play. I love playing with Jackson and I do it every chance I get. But I also love it when he plays by himself, and I try to foster that as much as I possibly can! It’s such an important skill for a child to be able to entertain themselves without the use of technology or the help of other people, so when Jackson is practicing this skill, I let it happen! Sometimes it can be tempting to step in, especially when he’s making a mess, but the more I stay out of it the more I see that he’s actually learning and the more he wants to play by himself. A perfect example is when I caught him playing basketball with our clean laundry the other day – he had carted the laundry basket from the laundry room to the dining room, dumped the clothes out, and was throwing them back in the basket. My first instinct was to tell him no because my clean clothes were now all over the floor, but I let it go and he had a blast for at least 15 minutes…and he was practicing an important skill – throwing! He happily cleaned up all of the clothes without even being asked when he was done, and no harm was done to anything. Sometimes I just have to let go of my clean freak nature to let him be a kid!

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I can’t tell you enough how much I love this phase so far. Toddlerhood is a blast and, while the defiance and independence definitely tries my patience sometimes, I love watching him develop and learn and I can’t complain that he’s trying to become his own (adorable) little person!

What are some ways you embrace independence in your home?