Hellobee

A little while back I posted about Juliet’s legs, which are slightly knocked kneed and bent outward due to her positioning in the womb. At the time I was coming to peace with my decision not to pursue any intervention after taking her to the orthopedic twice and being told she would become more conscious of it as she grew older and adjust it more herself. I was also reassured through the comments of posters who had similar experiences for the most part and were fine. Mr. Chocolate has already mentally moved on completely from the topic and we felt like the issue was resolved.

When Juliet had her one year Early Intervention evaluation, I brought it up with the coordinator and the evaluator. It was noted how her legs turned, but she was able to complete most of the tasks required in the gross motor range and didn’t qualify for any additional services.

Recently a few events have happened that have pushed these concerns to the forefront of my mind. One of them occurred at Drake’s sensory therapy sessions we attend weekly. A few of the moms that I have gotten to know from the waiting room have commented about Juliet’s gait. One of the moms used to work for Early Intervention and was surprised she wasn’t in services for her legs. The orthopedic said that the shape was mostly due to her hips and braces wouldn’t do much to help, but this mom seemed to differ in her opinion. I asked Drake’s therapist to take a quick look but because she isn’t a physical therapist, she asked if I would like to get her evaluated by one of their in house physical therapists.

When I took Juliet for her integrated pre-school interview this past week, one of the staff members we met was walking behind her and mentioned her walking gait right away to me as well. I mentioned her orthopedic visits and was told that if Juliet did get into the integrated school, they might be able to help with some physical therapy work as well as part of her assessment in the program.

All of these recent events have made me question a little about whether or not I am making the best decision for Juliet by letting it be for now. On one hand Juliet is completely unencumbered by the way her legs are now.  She can run, climb, jump, etc. She has always been physically capable, more so than Drake even, and has never met a mountain she couldn’t scale. She is fearless, joyful, and full of energy and part of me doesn’t want to stop that in her. I can’t imagine placing a brace on her legs when she dances with such abandon. While I am sure she wouldn’t mind additional therapy, I also wonder if I can obtain similar results by just signing her up for a dance or gymnastics class. On the other hand of course I am concerned about her feelings and issues of self consciousness as she grows up. At two she doesn’t have these worries, but it might change when she is five, seven, eleven and by then it might be harder to correct as she grows and loses some of that flexibility and adaptiveness little children are blessed with.

Though I have three children, and love them all dearly, I admit Juliet holds something special within my heart. Part of it might have to due with her fierce closeness to me, which she still has, but I realize part of it also has to do with my feelings of guilt attributed to her failure to thrive days and all the delays that cropped up afterwards. While I know that these delays could have occurred even if we never had those failing months, it’s hard to shake the idea that maybe we could have avoided some of these pitfalls as well had she been nourished properly in those early months. In the grand scheme of things I know Juliet’s delays are very minor and she really is a perfectly happy and healthy developing child now, but it’s hard to think back and wonder about the what ifs too.

I harbor a lot more guilt when it comes to Juliet because of our past and I worry now about what the right choice is for her. I am grateful for all the interventions she has had, but maybe now is the time to let her have some time away from all those sessions too.  My own personal stance usually tends toward therapies and correction if possible, but the thought of braces or something invasive like that is also a little off putting, especially when her current situation isn’t stopping her one bit now.

I saw a dance flyer and am going to sign her up this month for a mini toddler class to see how she enjoys it, and whether dance instruction might help her become a bit more savvy about her feet placements. And of course there is also the opportunity for private physical therapy as well if we choose to peruse this more aggressively. I’m still mulling out all these options to see what would work best for us right now, but the big pro is there are options available to us.

In the end I, like most parents I think, hope I am making the best choices when it comes to my child. I know Juliet can conquer anything. I just hope I’m not getting in her way as she does it.