Turning 40 last year wasn’t really a big deal to me; it was just a number, and not a significant turning point where my life would now be different somehow. In fact I was even looking forward to it! My friend wanted to throw me a surprise birthday party, but Mr. Bee knew that was the absolute last thing my introverted self would want and quickly put an end to that idea. I hate the anxiety of a special event, attention on me, and the pressure of feeling like you have to have fun. So I ended up sending out a Facebook message to all my local friends the day of my birthday, and having a super last minute get together. We had everyone’s favorite local Indian takeout, drinks of course, and an acoustic musician that happened to be staying with my friend hosting the party. Friends dropped in and out throughout the night, which is easy to do in a small town. It was low key and perfect.

A lot has happened to me between 30 and 40. But the biggest difference is that I wasn’t yet a mother at 30 — I had Charlie at 31 and Olive at 32.9 years old. I think it’s safe to say that becoming a mom changes you forever. And when you’re responsible for keeping other humans alive, you got a lot to do… you don’t have time to worry about a lot of the things you used to worry about pre-kids. For example, I worry a lot less about what other people think of me and about things that I can’t change. I spend my precious free time with people I love and things I love to do. Sure I look older and never lost all the weight from having Olive. But I feel much more confident and comfortable in my skin at 40 than I did at 30.

That said, 40 has been bad. At least for me it has been, health-wise.

I’ve always prided myself on being healthy as a horse, very rarely getting sick But something changed when I turned 40, and I realized the full extent of it yesterday when I attended my friend’s watercolor workshop. I was supposed to attend the first one she hosted a couple months ago, but I came down with my first flu in years the day before. I was supposed to attend the second workshop, but I was hospitalized with dengue fever. The third workshop was yesterday and when she messaged, “See you tomorrow!” on Saturday night, I didn’t know if I could make it. I had stomach pain all day Friday and Saturday, and had just come from the ER suspecting that I had an ulcer. I almost couldn’t make three events in a row due to sickness.

For someone that’s used to getting sick once every couple of years, I’ve already been sick, and pretty severely, three times this year! On top of all that, shortly after turning 40, I started waking up with sore joints every morning. My knees, elbows, wrists and fingers hurt when I wake up, and they’re so stiff I have to walk like a penguin until I use them a bit. Many of my ~40-year-old friends are experiencing the exact same thing. I don’t know if something clicked in my body once I turned 40, and everything just started breaking down! Health-wise I may be at a dip now, but otherwise I feel pretty good about myself! Viva la 40!

Are you scared of 40? Looking forward to 40? Loving 40?