I made a very popular spicy Korean soup late last night, and left it on the stove. This morning, my MIL saw it and asked if I had eaten it. She has very strong opinions about me eating spicy food while pregnant because Koreans believe that spicy food causes rashes in babies. Toddler Heels suffered from eczema (strangely, it was only on her cheeks) for the first 8-months of her life. My MIL went on to say that she suspected I ate a lot of spicy foods when I was pregnant with her. I honestly don’t remember how much spicy food I ate, but I don’t know what to think about these types of comments because I’m not sure I believe in them! Also, I have this problem… when someone tells me not to do something, I get the itch to do it even more. Some people call it “being a rebel,” but I call it “being a free spirit” and “independent thinker.” ;) Ever since my MIL told me spicy foods aren’t good for me, it seems to be all I want!
You can clearly see the eczema patches on her cheeks
This incident reminded me of all the advice I got about how to take care of myself postpartum, both from my mom and my MIL. I’m Chinese and my husband is Korean, and there are many overlapping things in our two cultures. One of them is the belief that one needs to stay indoors for 3-4 weeks postpartum. Another is we can’t shower for two weeks! For the record, I showered IN the hospital a few hours after the baby was born. There was no way I was following that rule!
Since we’re having a Chorean (Korean-Chinese) baby, I looked into the differences between both Korean and Chinese postpartum practices. From what I’ve found there isn’t much of a difference. Almost all Asian cultures stress the importance of keeping the body warm and making sure the mother rests a lot during the postpartum period. They even have special postpartum centers that solely focus on caring for the mother and baby. That’s a far cry from the fast paced culture of America where celebrities are applauded for their ability to quickly squeeze back into their size 0 jeans, or VS models who miraculously regain their washboard abs back just a month after giving birth.
Chinese Postpartum Rituals
- It’s important to maintain the hot-cold balance within the body. After giving birth, the woman loses a lot of blood which supposedly puts her into a “cold state,” so a lot of postpartum care is devoted to keeping the new mom warm, and to restore the balance of her “chi.”
- There is a customary 30-day confinement where the new mom isn’t allowed to leave the house at all.
- They also shouldn’t walk around, bathe, shower, touch cold water, or engage in sexual intercourse.
- To protect new mothers from getting “wind” into their delicate joints, they must keep the house warm – that means air conditioning must be off and windows closed, even in summer!
- No drinking cold liquids.
Korean Postpartum Rituals
- Koreans believe a woman should be in confinement for at least 21 days after birth. It’s called “Samchilil,” which literally means 21 days.
- During this period, they’re not allowed to move around too much and are confined to bedrest. Supposedly this is meant to help the uterus contract back to its pre-pregnancy state.
- Supposed to drink miyukguk (“seaweed soup”) 3x a day for at least a month. This is supposed to cleanse the blood and help with milk production.
- Must wear thick clothes to prevent wind from entering the body. Wearing socks are especially important as the feet are a main gateway to a lot of wind.
With my first, my mom told me to wear oven mitts every time I wanted to open the fridge. I also had to wear slippers around the house. One time I was caught wearing slippers with no socks, and she made me put on socks right away. She didn’t want any part of my body beyond my face exposed to air. Thankfully, I gave birth in the winter because I can’t imagine wearing all those layers in the summer!
The first time I left the house postpartum was about a week later for our pediatrician appointment. My MIL walked me to the car with a huge blanket over mine and the baby’s head until we were both safely in the car. She also showed her disapproval whenever she saw me on my laptop typing away (not good for the joints, and straining on the eyes). She also had her say when she caught me reading a paperback novel (again, straining on the eyes). I started to get frustrated at all the things I could not and should not be doing, so Mr. Heels had to talk to her about it and put a stop to all the comments. I understand they were well-intentioned, but they were adding to the postpartum stress that I really didn’t need. With all those restrictions, there was nothing left for me to do but to sit, sleep, and be a milk-making machine. In the end, I obliged where I could (keeping warm and covering my feet), but there was no way I would’ve lasted those every-other-hour nursing sessions without Netflix and my good ol’ trusty laptop.
Did you participate in any postpartum rituals?
Chinese Confinement part 2 of 2
1. Sitting the Month by Mrs. Marbles2. Korean-Chinese Postpartum Rituals by Mrs. High Heels
Hellobee Series: Mrs. High Heels part 7 of 14
1. The Cautious Temperament by Mrs. High Heels2. The Case for a Doula by Mrs. High Heels
3. Confessions of an (Ex) Cloth-Diapering Mom by Mrs. High Heels
4. How the High Heelers Budget by Mrs. High Heels
5. College Funding with 529 Plans by Mrs. High Heels
6. 20 Questions to ask when Interviewing a Preschool by Mrs. High Heels
7. Korean-Chinese Postpartum Rituals by Mrs. High Heels
8. The Vaccination Debate by Mrs. High Heels
9. Mrs. High Heels' Sleep Training Story by Mrs. Bee
10. Our Peanut Butter Scare by Mrs. High Heels
11. Our Birth Plan for an Unmedicated Hospital Birth by Mrs. High Heels
12. You Need a Budget!! by Mrs. High Heels
13. Our Meal Planning Process by Mrs. High Heels
14. Pumping at Work by Mrs. High Heels
hostess / wonderful honeydew / 32460 posts
Haha to the spicy food! I ate a ton with LO and she had and still has great skin.. rash free!
I ate miyukgook, but rebelled and didn’t listen when my mom told me to wear socks, not to shower, to stay in bed..
We have tons of stairs and I walked up and down them a lot
This second time around I’ll listen better. I need to take better care of this old body of mine
grapefruit / 4923 posts
when i first heard of these rituals, i mentioned them to my mom (we’re korean) and she had no idea what i was talking about except for the miyukgook! although i have to say that i’m looking forward to the miyukgook.
i like the premise about the mom resting postpartum, but i think for me, following all these would be way too much to handle.
coffee bean / 29 posts
I had to wear socks in a heatwave! My mom was very adamant about keeping warm, so my whole family had to suffer in the heat. I felt like a rebelling teen when I’d sneak a couple of minutes in front of the air conditioner or enjoy some contraband ice cream! But my mother swears she has joint issues because she didn’t keep warm after having me and my sister.
GOLD / wonderful pomegranate / 28905 posts
I think on the surface there aren’t a lot of differences. But if you look deeper into it, particular items that we eat post partum, there actually are quite a few! And even within the Chinese culture itself there are many differing opinions on diet depending on the village/region.
I would say I was a good girl….89% of the time and only because my mom stayed with us for two months PP!
nectarine / 2886 posts
My mom stayed with us after I delivered so I ate miyukgook 3x/day for 2 weeks and didn’t leave the house except to go to the pediatrician. She also insisted we keep the house at at LEAST 76 degrees, which was just too warm. The day after she left, I ate pizza and went for a stroll with the baby, husband, and our dog
apricot / 286 posts
the chinese also believe in eating the pig trot/egg/ginger vinegar for a month..supposedly it also helps with keeping the “wind” in and healing. maybe combining that with the korean seaweed soup will make us super moms?!?!
coconut / 8299 posts
Oh man. I ate miyukgook at least 5 times a day with my son for like 2 or 3 months. This time around, I only ate it daily for a few weeks. It’s freakin hot right now so there’s no way I can wear layers of clothing. But I do try to stay away from super cold foods and I dont open the fridge/freezer. My mom and MIL really wanted me to stick with the “ritual” but it’s just too hard and cumbersome so I tried my best. Hopefully it’s enough!
blogger / eggplant / 11551 posts
@regberadaisy – i agree there are a lot of underlying differences with food. i don’t know the specifics of various regional chinese cuisines (i’m actually from taiwan) because i’m too americanized, but my mom did make me that pig’s feet/ginger soup stuff and a few other soups i don’t know how to translate into english! but the overarching theme i found in both cultures was the focus on resting a lot and keeping warm.
blogger / eggplant / 11551 posts
@cokiezombie – yes!! i drank that pig trot/ginger soup, and another poached egg and vinegared rice soup thingy postpartum that my mom made (she NEVER cooks!! i was shocked when she came over with batches and batches of that stuff)… and i drank miyukguk and pumpkin porridge 3x a day too so it was a lot of soup, but i loooved it all. i love soup, and what’s more comforting than soup in winter?
hostess / wonderful watermelon / 39513 posts
My mom tried but I didn’t follow much of it. I did eat some of the confinement food!
blogger / watermelon / 14218 posts
My grandma nearly had a heart attack when she saw me drinking water with ice in it. She’s usually pretty laid back but she threw a fit and insisted my glass be replaced with a glass of lukewarm water.
My mom stayed with me after both babies for the first month, and she knows that she cannot push me into things like this or I’ll get upset and we’ll fight. So she would bring me meals with miyukgook on the side, and ask me to just eat the miyuk out of it at least. She also had THREE big huge pots of soup on the stove at all times, because she didn’t want me to get sick of miyukgook. Thankfully, even though I don’t like most Korean food (and I don’t eat spicy food at all) miyukgook is one of my favorites! And I gotta say, it probably worked because I had MAJOR oversupply the first time. The second time around, my mom was a little more laid back with the miyukgook since she knew I made plenty of milk the first time… and this time around my supply is totally normal and very manageable.
I researched a little about miyukgook being good for milk supply and found on many message boards moms giving other moms the recipe! And many of these moms were not Korean. So they’d tell each other things like “go to the Asian market and ask for seaweed, but DON’T get the kind that’s dried sheets of seaweed. Get the kind in the bag.” People actually tried to make it with sushi seaweed!! Salted, roasted, and all. That was really cute.
blogger / watermelon / 14218 posts
Oh, and I forgot to add: my mom tried to stop me from drinking cold drinks, but I cannot live without cold drinks (I need one every time I nurse). She didn’t say much to me. So Wagon Jr. would bring me drinks, and if my mom heard the ice maker go off, she would TACKLE him before he got to my room and make him take out the ice!! Haha.
apricot / 286 posts
@mrs. wagon: I will for sure be eating/drinking the pig’s trot/egg vinegar ginger soup..but I’m also really curious to learn more about the seaweed soup. Can you direct me to where I can find more info on it?
cherry / 187 posts
This is so interesting to me since I am not from a culture with specific thoughts on this. I was shocked when a friend of mine told me she could not visit her son in the NICU for a month because she was “not allowed to leave the house!” I cannot even imagine that.
pomegranate / 3053 posts
Yep. I’m Chinese and mostly followed the 30-day confinement. With my first pregnancy I wasn’t as good with it. I ate cereal one day b/c I was craving it and my dad threw a fit. Didn’t talk to me for days! And I cringed every time my mom made me drink those Chinese herbal drinks to help me pass blood and cleanse my insides. I also cringed when I saw the pigs feet soup. It was so greasy and just blah. It was really stressful being a first time mom and then I had to be told what to eat and drink, etc. I was a bad daughter and my mom wasn’t too happy with me…and I didn’t know until later on.
With my second, I told my mom that I would be a good girl and do whatever she told me to eat or do. I hired someone to cook ALL of my 30-day confinement meals ($$$$!!!!) which made it easier for my mom so she didn’t have to cook all of those soups and then have to cook for the family. My parents flew half way around the world so I felt bad that she was jet lagged and then had to take care of me. I showered every day but only washed my hair every-other-day; but when I was at the hospital I didn’t wash my hair for 4 days (I know, yuck!) and only washed below b/c I felt yucky. But this time around I was less stressed and was able to enjoy having a new baby and nursing was much, much easier this time around. I knew better on how to get my milk supply going on the second day after a c-section. I think that helped tremendously! I’m 5 months pp and going strong with breast feeding despite having some food restriction due to eczema and allergies (boo
). I also feel much better than I did after my first.
I truly believe in all of the 30-day confinement rules now. My mom said that if I didn’t follow it with my first delivery, I can “fix” it after having my second baby. I hope I did and won’t have horrible aches and pains when I get old. I mean, it was only for 30 days so not too bad.
I still have some frozen soup for increasing breast milk and had some the other day and woke up to leaking out! Whoa… My LO had a nice breakfast that morning!
hostess / eggplant / 11068 posts
I’m Korean (and hubs is Chinese) and aside from the miyukguk, my parents hated it when I opened the fridge. I gave birth in the summer and was so boiling hot all day and wanted to eat popsicles and slushies all day and when I did, once, my mother almost had a heart attack.
wonderful grape / 20453 posts
My mom is korean and used to make the seaweed soup when I was a sick kid. i think it’s the iron that is good for milk production? I do think it’s tasty in general, so I’ll eat it. She’s not superstitious about this sort of stuff, though, so I won’t have to do any of the other things
(actually she doesn’t think I should leave the house for a few weeks, either, but that’s b/c of germs)
apricot / 286 posts
i was looking up recipes for the seaweed soup and look what i came across… is it mrs.bee’s recipe?
http://koreancooking.xanga.com/330204058/item/
grapefruit / 4006 posts
i don’t think my mom will be as strict with postpartum rituals (i.e. not showering, or leaving the house), but i plan on staying with my parents for a couple weeks after baby is born. my brother and SIL did that after my nephew was born and they said it was so so helpful. My mom did cook special postpartum chinese foods for my SIL (who is caucasian), who was more than happy to eat it all. I know she stuck to all “hot” foods, foods that were helpful for milk production and i think pig’s feet were in the diet too.
My mom once told me that after she had my brother, she was feeling very hot so she soaked her hands in cold water and then she said she couldn’t move her hands for weeks, so imagine she might be strict on the cold liquids…
blogger / eggplant / 11551 posts
@mrs. wagon – my mom always has to say something whenever i drink anything with ice in it (god forbid a smoothie)! one time , growing up, my mom made me MICROWAVE my orange juice. for her it isn’t just for postpartum. and that’s soo cute that wagon jr. will bring you drinks!!! he’s going to be such a great, nurturing big brother!
blogger / eggplant / 11551 posts
@cokiezombie – yes, that’s Bee’s korean cooking site!! and miyukguk is one of the easiest korean dishes to make. i only like it with beef, not oysters or seafood… it’s so good!
blogger / eggplant / 11551 posts
@tipperella – oh wow, i don’t think i could do that either! i would be so sad if i didn’t see my newborn for a month!!
blogger / eggplant / 11551 posts
@erwoo – i believe in most of the postpartum rituals (the only thing i couldn’t do was the not showering thing!). i actually didn’t mind the 30-day confinement at all because i got to really rest and recover. i was too tired and weak to get dressed and go out anyway. not to mention scared to be out and about on my own with a new baby! it felt nice to be pampered and taken care of with all the delish body-warming soups. i also believe in the taking care of our joint thing and not letting cold air get to them. even to this day, i can tell that my joints are more sensitive/weak than they used to be. they ache more overall and i attribute it to the fact that i still typed a lot so soon after pregnancy. there’s science behind that too! this is getting too detailed and long but our oxytocin is what loosens our pelvis and other joints to prepare for birth. even after birth, it makes sense that our joints will still be loose. oxytocin continues to be released if we breastfeed… so breastfeeding mothers have even more sensitive/soft joints than those who don’t nurse.
nectarine / 2886 posts
@Mrs. High Heels: oh man, i’ve always eaten beef miyukgook but my mom heard that seafood was cleaner so made it with mussels and made me eat it in the hospital. It smelleddddd, and i kind of felt bad for the postpartum nurses!
wonderful pear / 26210 posts
I have to say, I find these rituals fascinating. I am most amused by the oven mitts to open the fridge, though! I don’t know how I’d keep a straight face with that one.
GOLD / cherry / 182 posts
Such a fascinating read! It’s interesting how much the North American culture focuses on bouncing back right away. I think the emphasis on rest and recovery is good, but it might drive me bonkers to be so confined to inside.
I tried to take the first week very easy and just sleep and nurse my baby.
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21628 posts
This is so interesting!
guest
We’re Vietnamese and have some of the similar customs. My MIL made me eat the pigs feet soup on Thanksgiving while they enjoyed all the normal foods! She also scolded me for eating yogurt (said it would make me unable to control my bladder) and drinking cold drinks. My mom knows me well enough to only mention stuff (not wearing short sleeves, drinking cold water etc) in passing but not trying to enforce it.
blogger / eggplant / 11551 posts
@chopsuey119 – i need you to tell my MIL that!! then maybe i can eat kimchichigae again (my faaaaaaaavorite).
blogger / eggplant / 11551 posts
@Ms. Fairy Wings – and in asian culture, it’s the norm rather than the exception for the parents to come and live with the mom and baby for the first month or so to help them recover by cooking, cleaning, and even waking up in the middle-of-the-night to tend to the baby. did you have help during your recovery period?
blogger / eggplant / 11551 posts
@looch – haha, i think the oven mitts were just my crazy mom’s idea! that was her “compromise” in me letting me open the fridge, otherwise i wouldn’t have been able to go near it!
GOLD / grape / 85 posts
This cracks me up! I’m Korean & Papa M is Taiwanese, so this post sounded eerily familiar, except reversed…
pea / 20 posts
I’m Caucasian and my husband is Chinese, so I was really unprepared for everything my MIL hit me with. (My husband was too – the last baby in the family before our son was his 21 year old brother). She followed every one of the Chinese traditions you mentioned, plus several more, and was honestly driving me pretty bonkers. I tried my best to follow most of her rules (socks and hats pretty much all the time – but at least it was winter) but I was DYING OF THIRST allll the time and hot water/tea was NOT cutting it, and she cringed every single time I chugged a tall glass of cold water. I also felt bad for her because not only was I resistant to a lot of those traditions, but I’m also vegetarian which she has never had any idea what to do with. She still felt compelled to make the pigs foot soup and other traditional non-veg foods and bring them by and tell me “this is what we say new mothers should eat to help them recover” and then just like sadly leave it in our fridge haha. I felt so bad. My mom and husband ended up eating most of them though, and she definitely got a kick out of how much my mom liked a lot of the dishes.
pea / 20 posts
I should say, she also made me vegetarian food, which I ate. The egg soup (one version had mango or something in it?) and tons of sweet and savory egg custards. Mmmm.
bananas / 9973 posts
I’m glad I found this old post! Although DH and I are both Chinese, his mom is a lot more traditional than my mom. My mom probably wouldn’t know how to do most of the rituals or prepare whatever I’m supposed to drink and eat! lol
I’ve been dreading the one-month after stay though, my MIL offered and my Aunt also offered to stay. I just don’t like being told what I can and can’t do/eat. ugh. ESPECIALLY on ice/cold drinks! Even before I got pregnant, my aunties are always telling me “no ice!” Even in 100 degree weather, they will ask for warm water.
IDK how long I could handle not taking a shower, maybe 3 days max? The staying in the house for 1month thing is the hardest to fathom, I can’t stand to stay home even one whole day!
@erwoo – How much was it to hire the lady to come stay for the month?
pea / 11 posts
pleasantly surprised by the topic! I’ve always mentally differentiated how Koreans (+ other Asians) and non-Koreans handled the sensitive time post-baby….but I did not expect to see a such a wellwritten post (in English!) about it =)
I am 36 weeks, so I guess I will have to see how it all plays out…but my mom is pretty set on feeding me lots of seaweed soup, having me wear socks/keep every inch of me covered, and stay indoors for a month at least.
She would always tell me stories about her mother who traveled in freezing weather while she was an infant and that because she did not “mom-jo-ri” well (take care of her body post-birth), her body was left weak…forever… =P*
Well, whatever the case, I am glad that my due date is closer to spring and hopefully early springtime weather.
Will update once postpartum!
guest
I was a nurse working on a maternal-child floor with a new mother that was Chinese. The doctor and nurses initially thought that the mother was non-compliant and there was great concern for her bonding with baby. I practice African traditional religion, so I thought maybe I’ll just look it up.
I am very grateful for coming across information like this that helped us greatly care for mother and baby (and family). I was able to print out her restrictions, the roles the family members would play, and why she wouldn’t walk for us (what we thought was non-compliance). It helped to redirect our staff and be able to provide the best care for her. She and her family felt supported as we encouraged them to bring the soups so she could eat (she refused our foods), and we learned to stop pushing all the cold fluids on her providing her with hot teas. It was the first smile I saw on her face, as we were stressing her. She’s trying to listen to mother in law and we’re shouting contradicting commands at her.
They were very traditional, and sites like these help tremendously for those who need to learn. I believe in upholding traditions and family rituals. They are what made us, we all just need to be understanding of each other and help each other. The family was very happy in the end, and as a person who also follows traditions I was glad to be able to provide the assistance she needed.
blogger / eggplant / 11551 posts
@danielle: Thank you for taking the time to comment – what a wonderfully encouraging story! I hope other doctors/nurses are as mindful as you when it comes to treating women from various backgrounds.
guest
I randomly came across this post and I’m so glad I did! I’m Chinese and my husband is Korean and much of this sounded so familiar. After having our baby, I do believe and understand the reason for all the “keeping warm” rituals. At the hospital the day after our baby was born, the nurses kept taking my temperature and it would register 95.7 degrees, 95.9 degrees. My body temp was really low.
I believe there is wisdom in age-old rituals and I followed some but not all of them. My mom brought chicken liquor soup to the hospital for me to drink. The day we went home with baby, my MIL was there waiting with a big pot of miyeokguk. I drank so much of that. After that was the pig trotter/vinegar soup.
The stressful thing for me was where Chinese and Korean rituals conflicted. My MIL brought over lots of fruit but my dad said I’m not allowed to eat fruit, especially citrus. My mom made the chicken liquor soup but my MIL said I’m not allowed to consume alcohol.
My parents are way more Americanized than my in-laws so I was also scolded by MIL for opening the fridge and not wearing socks. She even prepped me in my last month of pregnancy that she would come over to give me sponge baths since I wasn’t supposed to shower. I showered in the hospital though so the sponge baths never happened.
Anyway, thank you for sharing your experiences!
guest
My mother in law was like this. When I got home from the hospital I grabbed a cold water out of the fridge and she took it from me cause women who just gave birth shouldn’t have cold or too hot or spicy things. I was supper confused. She would fuss at me about socks and about taking my baby outside. She always over bundled our child. I ignored a lot or told her it was ok. I ate miyukgook, but not as often as I was suppose to. My husband ended up telling her that foreigners were a heartier breed of people, and for her not to worry.