From before we started trying, I really worried about telling my boss if and when I got pregnant.  I posted here about work and maternity leave worries.  It seems like a lifetime ago that I was contemplating this in hypothetical terms.

When we were trying to decide when to start trying, we definitely considered the fact that I would be starting a new job at the end of July from every angle.  In the end, we decided to start TTC in June so that at most I would only be one month pregnant when I started working.  This would give me a minimum of 8 months at my new job, which is exactly what I needed to be covered under the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA).  Note: You have to work for 12 months to be covered under FMLA, but my previous time working for the same employer counts toward the 12 months – the time doesn’t have to be consecutive.  While FMLA doesn’t provide any pay, it does require your employer to hold your job or a similar job open if you qualify.

We knew that the chances of getting pregnant right away were slim, so we didn’t want to wait for a year or two to start trying.  I needed a bebe after all!  I got pregnant on our second cycle, which was a lovely surprise.  We got our BFP on a Tuesday, and I started my new job the next Monday.  This was a bit shocking since my 30-year old self was geared up for it to take a few months, but we were ecstatic and very thankful since we have so many friends who have had to wait a long time for their babies.  Even with the overwhelming euphoria, I immediately started worrying about how I was going to tell my brand-new boss that I was knocked up and would need some time off in April.

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I worried and fretted about telling my boss and how he would react every single day.  This was by far my biggest pregnancy concern other than having a safe and healthy baby.  When we went in for our 8-week ultrasound and discovered there were two babies in there, I had a meltdown.   Then, I had to suck it up, immediately go to work for the day, and try to act like my world’s axis hadn’t just shifted.

I knew that even though it was far earlier than I had planned to tell work, my time avoiding the guillotine was up.  The perinatologist who talked to us about our twins had explained I would have ultrasounds every two weeks and that I would likely have additional doctor’s appointments as well.  I knew there was no way I could continue taking off for multiple appointments without raising questions since our office only consists of three people.  I needed my boss to know about the pregnancy, and I wanted him to know NOW.  You see, I am a fantastic worrier, but I can really only handle one big worry at a time.  I needed to be able to focus on my twins and making sure they were born healthy and strong, so I had no room to worry about telling work a moment longer.

After perusing some Hellobee Boards, I gathered the following:

  • Don’t apologize for being pregnant.  I had been mentally rehearsing starting off with, “I know this isn’t good timing and I’m sorry to put you in this position, but  . . .”  I scratched that plan because (1) you shouldn’t start off making your boss think you’ll be telling them something “bad” or that you are somehow to blame for the situation, and (2) babies happen–they are a beautiful part of life, and any boss worth his or her salt won’t think of a baby as something to blame you for, even if they are inconvenienced by the situation.
  • Don’t beat around the bush.  Professionally and directly explain that you are pregnant and present any information and solutions you have to make the situation workable if you are in a tough position.
  • If possible, don’t say you’ll be happy to only take 6 weeks.  You don’t know how long they will offer you (if it’s discretionary) or how long you will feel like you need when it’s closer to time.

I waited until right before lunch to tell my boss so that if he was upset, I wouldn’t have to see him for the next hour.  Yes, I’m that much of a scaredy cat.  I knocked on his door and asked to speak with him for a moment.  He said that would be fine, and I closed the door before walking into his office.  As any boss knows, an employee asking to talk to you and closing the door doesn’t generally bode well.  :) He said, “Uh oh!” as soon as the door shut.  I laughed what was probably a crazy person laugh–I was so nervous my knees were literally shaking–and said, “Well, I don’t think this is an ‘uh oh.'”  I sat down at his desk and simply said, “The week I started here, I found out I that I am pregnant.”  He immediately interrupted with a smile and a congratulations.  I followed up by saying, “And this morning, I had an appointment and found out that it’s twins.”

Y’all, his face was priceless.  He winced and said, “Ohhhh!!!” in the most empathetic way.  I could tell he was thinking how exhausting, etc. twins would be.  He immediately started telling me that this could be a really good thing, that his kids are only 16 months apart and there were a lot of benefits to it, etc.  I explained that I was due in April, but that the doctors did not think I would be able to go that long, so I would probably need some time off starting in March.  I did cave at this point and say, “I realize this might not be the best timing, but I will do whatever I need to do make it work.”  He stopped me and said not to worry about all of that right now, that we would talk to HR, and figure out some options.

All in all, it went very smoothly, and the rest of the day, he kept asking me a plethora of questions about twins and how you do this or that with twins.  My boss isn’t a particularly gushy person, but I can tell he’s fairly excited about our news.  He saw Mr. Blue’s boss on the way back from lunch that day and asked if he’d heard the good news that we were expecting twins.  Mr. Blue hadn’t made that announcement yet, but that was okay because everyone in his office has been dying for us to have a baby.  This was great news as far as they were concerned!

My boss continues to ask my questions all the time about how I’m feeling or something twin related, he jokes when we travel about having to pull over for me to be sick, and basically just makes it seem like the most normal thing in the world.  I’m sure he’s been concerned about how to handle my time away, but he has made me feel really comfortable and accepted.

Everyone at both of our jobs know about the babies now, and they are all so excited for us.  I think a few things have really worked in our favor: (1) Twins are a subject of natural curiosity, so people seem extra excited for us; (2) Since Mr. Blue has worked in the building for two years and I worked there previously for a few months, everyone knows one or both of us really well; and (3) last but not least, my boss is seriously the nicest, most generous man ever.

How did you tell your job?  Did it go well?