From before we started trying, I really worried about telling my boss if and when I got pregnant. I posted here about work and maternity leave worries. It seems like a lifetime ago that I was contemplating this in hypothetical terms.
When we were trying to decide when to start trying, we definitely considered the fact that I would be starting a new job at the end of July from every angle. In the end, we decided to start TTC in June so that at most I would only be one month pregnant when I started working. This would give me a minimum of 8 months at my new job, which is exactly what I needed to be covered under the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA). Note: You have to work for 12 months to be covered under FMLA, but my previous time working for the same employer counts toward the 12 months – the time doesn’t have to be consecutive. While FMLA doesn’t provide any pay, it does require your employer to hold your job or a similar job open if you qualify.
We knew that the chances of getting pregnant right away were slim, so we didn’t want to wait for a year or two to start trying. I needed a bebe after all! I got pregnant on our second cycle, which was a lovely surprise. We got our BFP on a Tuesday, and I started my new job the next Monday. This was a bit shocking since my 30-year old self was geared up for it to take a few months, but we were ecstatic and very thankful since we have so many friends who have had to wait a long time for their babies. Even with the overwhelming euphoria, I immediately started worrying about how I was going to tell my brand-new boss that I was knocked up and would need some time off in April.
I worried and fretted about telling my boss and how he would react every single day. This was by far my biggest pregnancy concern other than having a safe and healthy baby. When we went in for our 8-week ultrasound and discovered there were two babies in there, I had a meltdown. Then, I had to suck it up, immediately go to work for the day, and try to act like my world’s axis hadn’t just shifted.
I knew that even though it was far earlier than I had planned to tell work, my time avoiding the guillotine was up. The perinatologist who talked to us about our twins had explained I would have ultrasounds every two weeks and that I would likely have additional doctor’s appointments as well. I knew there was no way I could continue taking off for multiple appointments without raising questions since our office only consists of three people. I needed my boss to know about the pregnancy, and I wanted him to know NOW. You see, I am a fantastic worrier, but I can really only handle one big worry at a time. I needed to be able to focus on my twins and making sure they were born healthy and strong, so I had no room to worry about telling work a moment longer.
After perusing some Hellobee Boards, I gathered the following:
- Don’t apologize for being pregnant. I had been mentally rehearsing starting off with, “I know this isn’t good timing and I’m sorry to put you in this position, but . . .” I scratched that plan because (1) you shouldn’t start off making your boss think you’ll be telling them something “bad” or that you are somehow to blame for the situation, and (2) babies happen–they are a beautiful part of life, and any boss worth his or her salt won’t think of a baby as something to blame you for, even if they are inconvenienced by the situation.
- Don’t beat around the bush. Professionally and directly explain that you are pregnant and present any information and solutions you have to make the situation workable if you are in a tough position.
- If possible, don’t say you’ll be happy to only take 6 weeks. You don’t know how long they will offer you (if it’s discretionary) or how long you will feel like you need when it’s closer to time.
I waited until right before lunch to tell my boss so that if he was upset, I wouldn’t have to see him for the next hour. Yes, I’m that much of a scaredy cat. I knocked on his door and asked to speak with him for a moment. He said that would be fine, and I closed the door before walking into his office. As any boss knows, an employee asking to talk to you and closing the door doesn’t generally bode well. :) He said, “Uh oh!” as soon as the door shut. I laughed what was probably a crazy person laugh–I was so nervous my knees were literally shaking–and said, “Well, I don’t think this is an ‘uh oh.'” I sat down at his desk and simply said, “The week I started here, I found out I that I am pregnant.” He immediately interrupted with a smile and a congratulations. I followed up by saying, “And this morning, I had an appointment and found out that it’s twins.”
Y’all, his face was priceless. He winced and said, “Ohhhh!!!” in the most empathetic way. I could tell he was thinking how exhausting, etc. twins would be. He immediately started telling me that this could be a really good thing, that his kids are only 16 months apart and there were a lot of benefits to it, etc. I explained that I was due in April, but that the doctors did not think I would be able to go that long, so I would probably need some time off starting in March. I did cave at this point and say, “I realize this might not be the best timing, but I will do whatever I need to do make it work.” He stopped me and said not to worry about all of that right now, that we would talk to HR, and figure out some options.
All in all, it went very smoothly, and the rest of the day, he kept asking me a plethora of questions about twins and how you do this or that with twins. My boss isn’t a particularly gushy person, but I can tell he’s fairly excited about our news. He saw Mr. Blue’s boss on the way back from lunch that day and asked if he’d heard the good news that we were expecting twins. Mr. Blue hadn’t made that announcement yet, but that was okay because everyone in his office has been dying for us to have a baby. This was great news as far as they were concerned!
My boss continues to ask my questions all the time about how I’m feeling or something twin related, he jokes when we travel about having to pull over for me to be sick, and basically just makes it seem like the most normal thing in the world. I’m sure he’s been concerned about how to handle my time away, but he has made me feel really comfortable and accepted.
Everyone at both of our jobs know about the babies now, and they are all so excited for us. I think a few things have really worked in our favor: (1) Twins are a subject of natural curiosity, so people seem extra excited for us; (2) Since Mr. Blue has worked in the building for two years and I worked there previously for a few months, everyone knows one or both of us really well; and (3) last but not least, my boss is seriously the nicest, most generous man ever.
How did you tell your job? Did it go well?
GOLD / wonderful coconut / 33402 posts
I am still being a chicken and haven’t told one person at work yet. I want to tell my family first, going to do that next Sat. Then that following Monday will tell my boss and everyone at work. I just got a new boss, he has only been at the company for 2 months, and I haven’t ever really talked to him till a week ago. So I am more nervous to tell him since I have no idea what his reaction is going to be. My old boss is going to be so excited, I wish she was still my boss!
squash / 13199 posts
I struggled with this as well and didnt tell anyone at work until I was 18weeks pregnant. Surprisingly they were great about it and I neednt have worried at all
pomegranate / 3275 posts
I CRIED! I was also just as nervous to tell her, and I teared up as I started to tell her! She, of course, was just as excited for me and asked me all sorts of questions and offered encouragement. With my second pregnancy, I was even more nervous because it was a brand new job (I think I was hired and conceived within a week of each other). But that principal (I was a teacher) was just as excited and great about it. I waited until I was starting to show with that one, because I was so nervous. Both bosses were fantastic and supportive about it though
honeydew / 7968 posts
i told my boss over the phone since i was working from home in another state. he was very excited for me. and very accommodating. i had been working there a few years already and knew he would be.
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
I was soooooooo nervous to tell my boss! But I just asked him “Hey, can I meet with you real quick?” We went to his office and I closed the door. The expression on his face was priceless! He was sooooooooo nervous! He thought I was quitting! So then I just sat down and said “I just wanted to let you know that I’m three months pregnant.” He broke into this HUGE grin and kept saying “That’s FANTASTIC! I’m so happy for you!” Then he just told me that whatever time off I needed, I could have and that he knew I’d be going to more doctor’s appointments and stuff and not to worry about it. He was soooooooooo supportive, it was such a relief!
pear / 1837 posts
My boss had a baby three months before I had mine, and I got pregnant after I’d been in my job for two years already, so no one was surprised, and we commiserated about pregnancy together.
grapefruit / 4770 posts
Not pregnant, but so glad it went well for you!
pomegranate / 3053 posts
Aaaw… I can only imagine how nerve wracking it was! I never had the opportunity to tell my old boss b/c the day after I found out I was pregnant our entire office was given notice that they were closing our location. I already knew that it was happening in the next couple of months so was expecting it. Just a bummer that I wasn’t able to stay on remotely. I always wondered if that would have been an option had I have gotten pregnant earlier and they knew. Anyway, it’s a moot point now and I ended up staying home. Probably the best thing that has happened b/c I have loved every moment of watching my two boys grow. This was almost exactly 4 years ago. I do miss working though, especially on those days when my 3 y.o. is being all wild and crazy. LOL!
blogger / eggplant / 11551 posts
I was soo nervous telling my boss too, and told her when I was 14 weeks pregnant because I felt “guilty” hiding it from her. I really shouldn’t have worried though because I have a great boss who is incredibly understanding and we have a great relationship. Her face lit up and she was truly excited for me! I found out that if I stack up some short-term disability (4 weeks) + FMLA + PTO I can probably get about 5-6 months of maternity leave.
blogger / nectarine / 2010 posts
I’m so glad it went well! My boss was ecstatic when I told him too, he guessed as soon as I shut the door, it was pretty cool.
honeydew / 7444 posts
I was so nervous telling my boss as well, especially since it had only been 4 months since working there. I started off with, “Well, i have some bad news…” She was really happy for me, and chastised me for saying that it was bad news! She (and everyone else on my team) knew it was bound to happen soon and was very supportive about the whole thing.
GOLD / grape / 85 posts
He sounds like an amazing boss! Thank goodness for them. My boss was similarly empathetic and kind when he found out about Emmett =)
pomelo / 5331 posts
Wonderful post, thanks! My boss already knew apparently — I told her at 6 weeks because I had some bleeding and so I was going to the doctor more frequently than usual, and I think she guessed, between me calling off work one day and the next week having a doctors appointment It went really well and I didn’t apologize, and they have been great so far.
guest
FYI… FMLA really doesn’t protect you at all. I was laid off while I was on maternity leave. I contacted a lawyer, and they said if the company is doing layoffs or you would have been fired if you weren’t on maternity leave, it’s completely legal. Any employer can come up with a reason why they would have fired you if you were there. I’m not saying this to scare you… but I think women should know this and we need to be protected more from this. Most employers don’t do this because it’s just bad business… but some do.
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21628 posts
I’m glad it went well!
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21616 posts
Your boss sounds awesome – that is so cute! I bet it really helps that he has kids of his own. So glad it went okay for you
cantaloupe / 6751 posts
That’s great it went so well! It can be so nerve-wracking. I told my boss right at the start of my 2nd trimester and I was seriously so nervous, I felt like I was going to throw up But she ended up being super happy and congratulated me, which was a really nice surprise.
That didn’t compare to how I felt when I went in, after I had started working again for a couple months after maternity leave, to tell my boss that I’d be quitting to be a SAHM. I was so terrified. But again, they were so kind and supportive.
It’s nice when you have your employer’s support
pea / 11 posts
Oh my goodness I needed this post. I keep telling myself “babies happen,” and timing will never be perfect, but we just moved for my husband’s job and I am still looking for a new job. Meanwhile, we also started TTC, so I’m kind of nervous to get a great job and then have to tell them I’m pregnant. But, neither has even happened yet. Fingers crosses that I’ll have this problem soon
apricot / 286 posts
Thank you for this post! Telling my boss has been my biggest fret during this whole pregnancy and I am completely dreading it..but I will definitely take a mental note of your 3 tips (which is very helpful because i was going to start off by apologizing, but you’re right..it’s NOTHING to be sorry about!!!)
pomegranate / 3643 posts
We also started trying thinking we wouldn’t get pregnant right away, and we got pregnant right before I graduated with my MA. Unfortunately it’s pretty hard to find work after you’re pregnant, especially since we moved to a new town when I was 4 months. So I’m trying to find work, but it’s tough when you won’t have worked long enough to qualify for maternity leave. So it could be worse!!
grape / 90 posts
I had worked for my boss for over 4 years and she fancies herself my Jewish mother, so the tough part for me was NOT telling her. I was around 13 weeks when I spilled the beans. And yes, the whole “can I talk to you”? and closing the door made her nervous. She told me later she was terrified I was going to say I’d found another job and was leaving the office! She was, and is, thrilled about PB. She told me it feels like she has a “grand-employee”.
I think sometimes we forget that our bosses are human, too, and babies are frequently happy news.