Mrs Blue asked for a post about what it’s like to be an identical twin! So out of love for the Blue family (and the twin baby blues!), here goes.

Being a twin is a very intimate experience. I remember reading at some point in childhood that identical twins were once a single cell. That made intuitive sense to me, as the closeness of my twinship is difficult for me to convey without the biology. I long ago decided that most people couldn’t understand twinship and no longer bother to explain it!

I thought about doing a “pros and cons of being a twin” list, but there are plenty of those on the net. So I thought I’d share a few secrets about being a twin… for all the parents of multiples out there.

1) Birth order matters!

My brother is only four minutes older, but he might as well have been four years older! He was definitely the older brother, and the leader of our two man gang. Growing up, when people would speak to me, I would just turn to my brother and he would answer for me. My parents got so concerned that one day, they told us that we had been switched at birth and I was actually the older one. We just laughed at them.

But when we grew up and I became an adult, I actually had trouble with public speaking. I worked through it, but I knew right away that it was related to my twinship. On the flip side though, I was always very willing to take business/career risks – just like a lot of other younger siblings.

My main point here is that a lot of people think that twins are one unit, and that they’re basically the same age. In my experience, this wasn’t true! Birth order matters, perhaps even more for twins than for other siblings.

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2) It can be really liberating to do your own thing

It goes without saying that most people can’t tell you apart, either in person or on the phone. It would be depressing to have friends call the house for me, then get my brother and talk to him… then hang up. I remember when I learned the word “fungible,” I thought “Yes, that’s what it is like to be a twin.”

Growing up, my brother and I did a lot of the same things. We were in the same classes (usually there’d be two teachers that shared classrooms, and we’d each be in one of the classes), we both took piano and violin classes from the same teacher, and we both competed on weekends in the same music competitions.

Then in high school, I started powerlifting and put on 50 pounds of muscle and played football (on my own). I wish I hadn’t waited until then to do something on my own. But I’m so glad that I did!

3) Twins can either be best friends or rivals

This is another one of those things that’s true for both siblings and twins. I remember when I realized this: my brother and I were playing Monopoly with a friend, and we kept trying to beat each other by trading properties with our friend. He of course played us off each other until he crushed us both.

After that, I decided my brother was my ally not my enemy. That was a turning point in my life.

I think in retrospect, it was maybe a bit dangerous to compete against each other in regular piano competitions most weekends. But we turned it into a positive so that if either of us did well, we would both be happy. Win/wins are really important when you’re growing up with a twin or close sibling, I think.

4) It’s common to have a love/hate relationship with twinship

I loved it in so many ways… but also hated it. But it turned out to be such huge part of my life, and I can’t imagine life without a twin. I read that for a lot of twins, the death of their twin is as hard (or in some cases, harder) as the death of their spouse. I can’t imagine either, but wasn’t surprised to learn that there’s a support group called, “Twinless Twins Support Group International.”

5) Encourage specialization

This really helps minimize competition. My brother dated blondes and I dated brunettes. We never fought over girls; problem solved.

6) A few practical tips for parents of multiples

For the love of all that is holy, please do not dress your children in matching outfits. I was not a fan. If possible, don’t put twins in the same room in a bunk bed. Also, don’t make your twins share clothes (especially underwear). It may be easier, but it’s a subtle sign that you’re the same person.

Good luck to Mr. and Mrs. Blue, and all parents of multiples out there!!

Twins/triplets and parents of multiples… what tips would you add?