Hellobee

“The thing about people who have trouble trying to conceive is that it is all negative. The test results, your feelings, your attitude — all negative. Your plus one is really a minus one. The dream of eating for two is really eating for yourself and in my case, my feelings (ice cream works wonders). If someone gets pregnant, it’s hard to be happy, which in turn, makes you feel negatively about yourself for feeling negatively about them.”

Yep. I can totally relate to this. It only took us a year, but it felt like an eternity. And it felt like EVERYONE was getting pregnant and we weren’t. It started to define me. I was the girl who couldn’t get pregnant. Close friends were afraid to tell me they were expecting. It sucked.

It took us 18 months of TTC which included 2 months of Clomid to make me ovulate and once I ovulated my body knew what it was supposed to do.

After I found out I was pregnant my dr told me the diagnosis would have been unexplained infertilty. I thank my lucky stars the Clomid ‘jump started my body’ as my dr so elegantly put it. The only test we had left to run was an HSG, absolutely everything else came back normal, I just wasn’t ovulating and no one knew why.

I agree with @mrs. tictactoe , you are dead on about that big ol’ negative cloud. It became a dark and stormy cloud for me at 13 months in.

Doctors are supposed to the be ones we can trust. And when it comes to something as emotionally charged as your ability to conceive, it’s hard not to want to believe in a doctor.

We moved on to an RE at the year mark – making appointments and waiting for an opening at our chosen location. At my annual appointment when I was at 11 months in, my OBGYN was telling me that it just takes some people longer than others. I wasn’t too happy with that response. I felt like finding an RE would help get me there sooner. Luckily it did. 7 months after starting to work with an RE, I’m finally pregnant. 20 months after I started to try.

It was hard to make that jump though. I was really sad about admitting that we needed help and that we wouldn’t conceive how I thought we would.

I can relate to a lot of what you wrote. We tried for 3 cycles and got pregnant, but then miscarried at 9 weeks. Since I got off the pill, I’ve had really long cycles where I wouldn’t ovulate until CD30-40. Before I got on the pill, I had crazy cycles so I’ve wondered what’s up. After the m/c, my doctor did lots of test and didn’t find anything wrong with my hormone levels that would cause my cycles to be so crazy. We did find out that I lost my baby because she had a chromosomal abnormality called Turner’s Syndrome.

So we kept trying. Eventually (after 13 months altogether), we got pregnant again. I’m currently 7 weeks pregnant and although we saw a heartbeat last week, I’m terrified something bad will happen again.

I had an appointment with my doctor to talk about clomid and I got my BFP 2 days before the appointment. I’m “young” (23), so my dr seemed apprehensive about starting me on medical interventions when I asked about it after the m/c because of my long cycles. When I made my appointment, I was so over it. I understand that I’m young, but at some point isn’t that worrisome?! I mean, I’m supposed to be “fertile” and yet my body is all over the place. So, so frustrating.

I can totally relate to this post.

I was almost at the 2 year mark when I finally saw an RE- there’s only one practice in our area and they won’t take you w/o a referral from an ob/gyn. The ob wanted me to do 3 rounds of clomid with them before moving to the RE- it felt like an eternity. And the ob didn’t seem too concerned bc I’d had 2 early miscarriages – so I *could* theoretically get pregnant. I didn’t even do 3 cycles of clomid with them – I did 1, unsuccessful, and then found the infertility study that ultimately got me pregnant.

after a miscarriage we have been trying for almost a year now..and have realized during this time that “I” really have to be my own best advocate…and to know that no one knows my body like i do…

we have just went through CD3 tesing for me this cycle and SA for DH…we are just waiting to me with the fertility specialist at my OB’s office…i have also started to see an accupunturist which has really help my mental state…

TTC is a tough journey…

This post sounds so familiar.

I stopped taking the pill and got pregnant my first month off birth control. I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks but my OB assured me it was normal. I needed to wait 3 months after a D&C to try again. I got pregnant again six months later and miscarried at 8 weeks. This time we did tests after the D&C. Nothing seemed to be wrong so my OB said not to worry, it’s only concerning if you miscarry 3 times. “At least you can get pregnant) was not all that comforting at that point. After my 3rd miscarriage 10 months later, my OB finally referred me to a RE. While they never figured out what was wrong, they started me on Clomid and then follicle stimultatin injections. After an ectopic pregnancy, I finally had a viable pregnancy 4 years after we had started trying! I’m due next month and some days I can hardyl believe it’s happening. I wish I had pushed harder to see an RE earlier.

I love how honest you are about this. Yes, it does suck for too many of us. I wanted to try the natural route first. Went to an acupuncturist at 8 months, had an m/c at 9, then went to a naturopath at 10. Sitting here at 13 thinking about next steps if this cycle isn’t it.

When I stopped taking the pill, I realized shortly after that I wasn’t ovulating as well. My gyno took a blood test and based on the hormone levels diagnosed me with PCOS and referred me to an RE right away. I loved working with the RE and I actually got pregnant on my second cycle and ovulated both cycles. But I know I was lucky not only to have the medication work for me and work fast, but also to be referred to an RE right away instead of being forced to ‘wait it out’ or try a more natural course of treatments – which I wasn’t interested in at all given the fact that I was already over 30.

I think this is a great post and I really hope it encourages people to seek medical help as soon they feel it’s time.

I have very similar issues – I have PCOS and just don’t ovulate on my own any more (I used to pre-BCP). My GYN wouldn’t do anything for me except prescribe provera multiple times after blood tests confirmed no ovulation. After just a few months of trying I saw an RE and it was great. She never told me I need to lose weight or that I hadn’t been trying long enough.

We tried a few medications to figure out what worked for me and 4 months after starting treatment I got pregnant :). I hope you and everyone else struggling with this find what works too.

I was right where you are, feeling like I wasted time bc I was ill informed. Although I did want to do the more natural route, I didn’t rule out medicine either. I wasn’t seeing an OB/GYN but a General Dr. who referred me to an RE when I told her my cycles were long and irregular. I waited and went to Acupuncture instead but didn’t like the guy and felt I wasn’t making progress after a few months so started at the RE and I think it’s a great move. You’re more closely monitored, more informed about things. I was diagnosed with mild PCOS and was given the option of Clomid, which I took once but it did nothing. Meanwhile I started seeing a different Acupuncturist who I loved and started me on Chinese herbs. I saw the most improvement with that! My cycle shortened and we got pregnant that month. All told it was a 1.5 year journey but I learned so much about my body. I think taking your BBT also really tells you a lot. Best of luck whatever you choose!

I just got off birth control after about 10 years. I know that I have nothing to compare to more people with their wait. I am already impatient, hoping any day that my period with come. I’m pretty sure I have PCOS because I’m on day 44 with no period and I track my BBT and did ovulation tests and no ovulation this month. Since I’m so early in trying I don’t want to go to a doctor yet. I am taking Vitex three times a day and drinking red raspberry leaf tea for about 3 weeks now. My BBT have started to level out a bit and I’m hoping this will help enough that I start ovulating. I have read many reviews of people with PCOS getting pregnant because of Vitex, so I’m crossing my fingers. If I’m still not ovulating after three months I will go to a doctor because I can’t wait to become a mother! I read blogs and articles almost daily and hope that with this knowledge, if medication is needed, I will stand up for myself right away with what I think my body needs. Good luck to everyone!!!

I also have PCOS! We tried for a year with mild interventions (Progesterone, then Clomid) before moving on to adoption. (And I agree… TTC sucks!)

Has your doctor discussed Metformin with you? I have PCOS and had totally anovulatory cycles once i went off the pill. My doctor’s plan was to try Metformin alone for two months, then switch to Metformin/Clomid together, but I never made it to Clomid. I got pregnant after being on Metformin for a month. I thought for sure it was a fluke, but the exact same thing happened with my second pregnancy. Now we have two beautiful boys and I had really easy, normal pregnancies with both. I know everyone is different and I would not want to offer any false hope, but if you haven’t tried the Metformin route, it is probably worth at least a discussion with your doctor. For whatever reason, it seems to be a miracle drug for me, as it jump started my ovulation almost immediately!

Thank you for sharing your story. It really helps to know we aren’t alone.

Thank you for this. We are just beginning this journey, but some days, this is how I feel already. The very first time I went to a GYN when I was 18, she told me, “oh, you’re going to have a really hard time getting pregnant, but don’t worry, we’ll get you there somehow.” Um, ok?? I was diagnosed almost 5 years later with PCOS (by an RE whose only advice was, “lose weight.” Yeah, thanks. Been trying; can’t.). 2 years after that, I went off BCP and was put on Metformin. My cycles are now longish (36 or so days when I’m not totally stressed out), but we’ve been charting for a year + and I know I’m ovulating, which is amazing. This is our first month of TTC, but I feel like we’ve been on the road forever even trying to get to this point. I’m in my TWW now, and I’m already exhausted, both physically and emotionally. And I know I have it so easy compared to many.

They don’t tell you it will be this hard. Why does no one ever tell you this? It takes all the joy out of it.

@MrsCastro: you’re in your TWW now too, right?

I waited eight months and then got the ball rolling because my hubby was going to deploy quickly after that. That was just the beginning though….lol.

I feel like I totally could have written parts of this. We got pregnant on our 2’nd cycle, only to have a mc and d&c. I was pretty positive we’d get pregnant quickly again. I was mistaken! I finally contacted a specialist after a year of our initial start date, and finally, a year after my loss got another bfp. It’s hard to not worry that the same thing will happen, and we’ll have to “start all over again.” I will admit that handing my problems to someone else helped me relax a bit. (The famous “relax” everyone tells you to do…)

Thanks for this post!

I made an appointment with a RE after our fifth (and now we’re onto sixth) failed cycle, with three months added to that of NTNP. I probably would have followed the standard advice of waiting a year if it hadn’t been for Taking Charge of Your Fertility and the boards here.

The disappointment wasn’t quite as big this month as we had started the fertility testing process. Feeling like we’re being proactive makes me feel better.

I test with wondfo OPKs, and it’s clear when I have a positive. Still, I like doubling up with a digital just because I so appreciate seeing a smiling face once a month. At least I get one positive thing during this process, and I appreciate it for all that it’s worth!

Thank you for this post! I’m currently in my 13th month TTC and we just started working with an RE last month. It does suck, but now that I’m moving forward I feel a little less helpless and hopeless!

Another PCOS sister, here. I had done my research ahead of time (I’m such a nerd like that) so I knew what to expect. Well, if I could talk to me two years ago I’d say, “honey, you don’t know squat. You THINK you do. But you don’t. Go the RE already.”

I read it could take a year to start a period after going off bcp. So I waited. for my period. And waited. And waited. I scheduled my first OBGYN appointment at 13 months. Needless to say, I should have gone at 3-6 months. I stayed with my new doctor for about 8 months until he said I needed an RE because I wasn’t responding to either Clomid or Femara alone. So for 8 months I was on one drug or another (Provera to bring on periods, Clomid or Femara to hopefully induce ovulation.) And still I waited.

I was tired of waiting. I had read about something called a “trigger shot” and wanted to try it. So on CD12 I called the doctor and told my nurse I wanted an ultrasound to check for mature follicles. She worked me in. They scanned me, found a mature follicle, prescribed a trigger shot, and a few days later I had the FIRST temperature shift in a year and a half of TTC. Why had I waited so long to learn that I am responsible for advocating my own healthcare? I don’t know.

Between the insurance issues, the prescription mistakes, and the constant push push push to find a solution to my infertility, I have become a much more assertive person. I think it is healthy.

We’re still waiting. We’re waiting for a baby. But now we have a glimmer of hope …

it is so hard for it not to become all-consuming (I love your example of not eating for two!) and there’s no way to know if this cycle will be the one or when it’s time to seek help.

TTC DOES suck! without places like this, it’s a lonely world out there, with conflicting advice and false hope all over the place. your comments about everything being negative for women are spot on. of course for men, it just means a whole lot of sex

Sorry, I know it sux! I hope it gets easier! *hugs*

TTC does suck. I have PCOS, too. We did NTNP for about 7 months before deciding to take a more serious route, then I spent about 6 months trying to get my cycle back via weight loss. I did start having positive OPKs, but was still not ovulating. At that point, we moved to clomid and did three rounds, which caused me to ovulate, but we didn’t get pregnant. I wanted to try Femara, so we did four cycles of that, but I didn’t respond. I had started ovulating on my own occasionally, so we did one natural cycle of IUI and one last clomid cycle while we saved up for injectable medication and IUI. We got pregnant on our second round of injectables. In all, it took 23 months from when we started “trying” to when we conceived. The only thing I regret is wasting so much time on the femara cycles (the ob/gyn I was with at the time was not very attentive and didn’t have the resources to help someone with my level of issues). On the other hand, we needed that time to save up for our inject cycles. I don’t know that I would change anything about it now that we’re pregnant with Baby Boy.

I can absolutely relate to your story. I had trouble conceiving and, when i finally did, we discovered at my first ultrasound that it was an ectopic pregnancy. I went on to conceive after that but every pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. I was seeing an RE during all of this and he continued to suggest I just needed to get a “good one.” Other than trying IVF (which sounded like a $12,000 miscarriage to us since so one could tell me why i was miscarrying) they continued to suggest we just keep trying with clomid. After five losses, and some exceptional therapy, I finally decided to seek out a miscarriage specialist. I was living in DC at the time and I found one at the University of Chicago. After my first appointment, she told me we would figure this out and that she was confident i would bring a baby home someday. I wept! It turns out, I was one of the lucky recurrent miscarriers (50% never find out why they miscarry). After several tests she was able to pinpoint a problem with my endometrium – one my RE was never even looking for. Five trips to Chicago later – and I was pregnant with my Henry. He’s three now. I always felt like I waited one or two miscarriages too many to find her. Your story makes me know I’m not alone!

I ended up going to an RE a little sooner than I would have if I’d had a good ob/gyn. I quit BC around Thanksgiving 2011 so that my body would have time to start having normal cycles before we started trying in 2012. I found an ob/gyn and told her I was planning to TTC. She thought 31 going on 32 was quite young. I didn’t agree. Anyway, I was pleasantly surprised that my cycles seemed pretty normal (32-35 days)…but, our first month of really trying (April 2012), they suddenly got longer and longer. 37 days. 42 days. 45 days. Charting confused me and opks never turned positive, so it was nearly impossible to pinpoint our timing with an irregular cycle. When I went back to the same doctor, she told me that I was probably not ovulating (I told her that I thought I was, although later than day 14 and she shot me down), that it wasn’t a big deal unless they didn’t go back to normal within 3 months and that she was no longer doing obstetrics. I wanted to find out why my cycles were irregular and I made an appointment with a fertility clinic for early Sept 2012.

I cancelled that appointment b/c I got a surprise positive late Aug 2012. We weren’t really trying that cycle b/c of a trip I’d just taken and I assumed we’d missed the window. I knew I must have ovulated around the 30th day of my cycle or later (my lmp was July 2, I was out of the country without my husband from 7/20-7/31 and I tested negative mid Aug but positive a week later). I felt very happy and very lucky. Unfortunately, that didn’t last long. I started spotting and the new ob that I found pretty much told me from the first day she met me that she figured I would miscarry. They sent me for several off site u/s’s, and there was a lot of confusion over the dating of the pregnancy b/c no one would listen to me when I told them that I most definitely did not ovulate on day 14. They detected a hb but it was very slow and I knew what that meant. The doctor didn’t even bother to call me to explain the implications. So I went to another ob that my friend recommended, and he ended up confirming my mmc a week later.

I opted for a D&C at the of Sept 2012. I read lots of stories of women conceiving very quickly after their losses, and I hoped that I would as well. But I never got my period back, even doing acupuncture and herbal supplements. So, 2 months later (Nov. 2012) I made an appointment at that same fertility clinic I’d meant to go to in Sept, and they discovered by doing simple follow up bloodwork (that neither my ob or gp would do) that my hcg was still very elevated (200) and they eventually discovered that this was b/c there was pregnancy tissue left in there. My levels moved down at a glacial pace, I was in pain and they finally gave me a Methotrexate shot in Dec 2012. The side effects were pretty unpleasant, but the worst part was that I would not be cleared to try again for a baby for another 3 months.

After a natural cycle in January and provera induced cycle in Feb, I was cleared to try in March 2013 naturally (it was too late to start meds that cycle). Unfortunately, nothing has worked since then, my cycles are still long (though I am ovulating around day 21-30), and while I am relieved that I am about to start with letrozole (at least that’s something), I understand that this may not work. I just turned 33, and I feel like I’m running out of time. But I’m glad that I took it upon myself to go the RE and not wait it out until my ob/gyn would refer me (which he would only be doing right about now).