Hellobee

When we started researching surrogacy after my second failed FET attempt last November, I knew nothing about it. My doctor’s office told me that there were two local agencies that they worked with, and gave me their website links. I contacted both agencies and then researched options in California and India. Most of the private agencies came back to me with overwhelming price quotes that I didn’t think I’d ever be able to afford. These included costs for the surrogate’s reimbursement, agency fees for finding the surrogate, doing medical history and background checks, helping to schedule appointments, and preparing the pre-birth order. I had been really hoping to find someone who lived close to us so that we could be involved with appointments and feel like we were really a part of the whole process, so we crossed India off of our list.

I ended up going to coffee with the owner of the small, local agency. She had been a gestational surrogate previously, and told me that she started her business to continue helping people that were going through infertility. She answered all of my questions, and made me feel so much better about the whole process. I loved the fact that she could match people with local surrogates, and had relationships with the doctors and hospitals in the area. Because she owned a small agency, her fees were also minimal compared to a lot of the other agencies. I let her know that we unfortunately weren’t in a position to move forward at that time, but that we hoped to contact her soon.

We worked hard over the next few months to save aggressively, and cashed out our stocks to put in a surrogacy savings account. When we finally felt more comfortable, I contacted her again and told her we wanted to move forward. We met for coffee again and reviewed her contract, and she started looking for a surrogate for us. She had told us at the meeting that there was a chance that a surrogate she worked with in the past and loved might be available, and that she would check on it and let us know. We were so excited when she called us a few nights later to say that the surrogate was interested, and that she and her husband wanted to meet with us.

I was so nervous the night we met our potential surrogate. It was almost like a first date. She and her husband met with us and the woman from the agency, and we talked about our lives and backgrounds, and how we ended up on the road to surrogacy. She had already delivered twins for previous IPs (Intended Parents), and hadn’t had the best relationship with them, so she was a little worried about going through everything again. I let her know that we were hoping to find someone who would carry our baby that we’d have a lifelong relationship with, and would become a part of our family. We seemed to get along really well, and I was hopeful that things would move forward. We got a call the next day from the agency to tell us that the surrogate decided to choose us, and that we’d be moving forward with medical testing and contracts! During the process, the surrogate and I texted, had phone calls, and talked about how excited we were to move forward.

I got a call from the agency a few days later stating that the surrogate had some contract concerns regarding things that would be covered by her insurance, so we brainstormed ways to get through things, and researched health insurance plans for surrogates (which are all very expensive). We let her know that we’d pay for anything that her insurance didn’t cover, and everyone seemed fine moving forward. Otter Pop and I got our portion of the contract notarized, and we were ready to move forward. Then things came up, and our surrogate’s portion of the contract wasn’t able to be signed that day. It wasn’t a big deal, and she said she’d have it done over the weekend.

On Monday, we got a call from the surrogate. Otter Pop picked up, and I waited for good news. He started saying things that made me worried, and when I looked to him for reassurance, he gave me a thumbs-down. When he got off the phone, he told me that she her husband decided that he didn’t want to move forward with her being a surrogate again, and that she needed to respect his wishes. A few minutes later, the agency called me to tell me the news, and how mad she was. I cried the whole time and tried to think that it was somehow a sign, and that we would find an even better surrogate out there that would be a part of our family. I got the call right before Mother’s Day, which has always been a very hard holiday for me to get through, and this year it was unbearable.

Signed, sealed, delivered!

The agency had no solution: We hadn’t signed a contract, and she didn’t have anyone interested in being a surrogate. She said she’d find someone, but had no timeline. I’d asked if she would post an ad online, or advertise on her Facebook, or anything, but nothing happened. I decided that if no one was going to help me, I’d have to look for myself. I posted notices on the two surrogacy message boards I’d heard of, and heard back from several people. I was actually so surprised by the number of women who were willing to be surrogates. I find surrogacy to be such a selfless act, and think it’s amazing that there are so many people in the world who are willing to help people like me and Otter Pop. We had no clear plans of moving forward with anyone until I got an email that I fell in love with. Do you remember the scene in “Sleepless in Seattle” where the son gets a letter and decides that she’s the one? That was exactly how I felt.

I showed the email to Otter Pop, and told him that I thought that she would be a great fit, even though she lived out of state. We started emailing with her, and every email made me feel more and more comfortable that our last surrogate wasn’t meant to be. She had a great family, adorable kids, and just came across as a genuinely wonderful person. I saw all of the beautiful pictures of her family on her blog, and it made me want it even more for me and Otter Pop. I was so incredibly overjoyed when I let her know that we wanted to move forward and she did too! I was so nervous that like our last hopeful surrogate, she’d change her mind before signing the contract, but was so happy when she sent me a camera phone photo of her at the post office dropping off the contract in the mail. We were so excited to finally be moving forward with someone we were excited to welcome into our lives and our family, and finally felt like we were on our way to having a baby of our own.