In what should come as a surprise to absolutely nobody who’s met me, I really like holidays. Basically all of them, although Christmas is far and away my favorite. I start getting pumped for Halloween costumes in June, and generally settle on everybody’s outfits by August. Then, at about 10:00pm on October 31 my attention turns to my Thanksgiving menu, and Advent calendars, and matching Christmas pajamas, and charming Christmas cards, and a million other things that I truly believe are 100% necessary for a successful holiday season.
This was Addie’s first Halloween. She also had wings, and I hot glued jingle bells and green pompoms onto her boots. It was precious, and I had far too much free time.
Now, here’s the problem. There is no earthly way possible for me to complete even a fraction of what I imagine when I think “perfect *insert holiday here*”. First, I’m basically the least crafty person I’ve ever met. I aspire to someday cut paper in a straight line, and I’m hopeful that I’ll reach this milestone before my three-year-old daughter does. Well, more realistically, at least before the twins do. Second, I don’t have anywhere near the amount of time required to put together the holidays I imagine. When I start planning Halloween, for example, I pin tons of “easy” DIY decorations. Then, due to the aforementioned crafting issues, I procrastinate getting started. Finally, Halloween arrives, and, if I’m lucky, there’s some store bought spiderwebs, and maybe a pumpkin outside. Basically, by the time the holiday actually gets here I’m already vaguely disappointed in how it’s turned out.
It’s a beautiful holiday tradition.
So we’ve established that most holidays start without me living up to my self-imposed requirements for creating magical family memories. As a result, by the time the morning of the holiday arrives I have approximately zero tolerance for anybody behaving in a less-than-jolly manner. I turn into a slightly grumpier Clark Griswold, and I radiate anxiety. I end the day exhausted, but not necessarily in a good way.
Yet, somehow, I repeat EXACTLY the same pattern of behavior by the time the next special occasion rolls around. I’m a slow learner.
This is the first year Addie has been old enough to really anticipate holidays coming. She’s been excited over Halloween for weeks, and opens our downstairs closet almost every day to marvel at her Little Mermaid costume. She gives a satisfied sigh, and tells me the same thing every time,
“Mommy, my Ariel costume is so beautiful. I’m so excited to go trick or treating in it.”
As per usual, I’ve scrapped 99% of my decorating plans, and the only reason the boys have any Halloween outfits is because my mom sent them some. I caught myself getting caught up in the familiar anxiety spiral early on the morning of our Trick or Treat day (it was early because a lot of soldiers will be away on Halloween). Mr. Sun had to work a little later than I thought he was going to, Addie didn’t want to nap, and I couldn’t find her trick or treat bucket anywhere. I got really close to losing my temper, but then I caught a glimpse of Addie’s costume.
Shout out to Nanny for the Halloween outfits.Nobody’s got time to drive 1.5 hours to Hobby Lobby this year.
I couldn’t allow my unrealistic expectations to ruin a day she’s been looking forward to even more than I have. I wasn’t really mad about a late day at work, or a missed nap. I was frustrated that my day wasn’t matching up to what I imagined. If we’re being really blunt, my day wasn’t matching what social media tells me Halloween should be.
And, really, what’s the worst case scenario here? Mr. Sun gets home late, Addie gets tired, and doesn’t get to trick or treat at all that many houses before bedtime. Ok, fine. I guarantee that Addie won’t care about any of that. As long as she gets to wear that dress, then her day is a success. Her requirements for a great Halloween are a lot lower than mine, so why can’t meeting them be the goal?
So, I hid in the laundry room for a few minutes and took some deep breaths. I let my heart rate get back down to normal, and reigned in my temper. I realigned my expectations with Addie’s, and started the day over.
I may be a slow learner, but I think I might be starting to figure it all out after all.
Somebody please remind me of this epiphany like a week before Christmas. I’ll probably need it.
pomegranate / 3032 posts
i like you! we have a lot in common…. I hope you have a “successful” holiday season whatever that may mean
My due date for my 2nd is 1/8/17 and i’m struggling hard with how i’m going to manage a “magical” christmas holiday with the thought that i may be delivering over christmas (my 1st was 2 weeks early) Not being able to spend christmas morning with my 3yr old daughter that finally “gets” christmas may just crush me.
blogger / pomegranate / 3300 posts
I love all the holidays too and I want them to be fun and magical. I had to learn a lot of the same lessons you are currently learning only I am about 6 years ahead of you. My first Halloween as a mom we made the cutest yoda costume for my oldest (2 weeks shy of being one) and the twins (4 months) were ewoks. I wanted one nice picture of all of us but my oldest wouldn’t let us Velcro his Yoda hat on. I was so upset while we were trying to get a picture because I just wanted one perfect family picture. Looking back now it doesn’t matter at all. We had a good time. we made it to 2 houses and then we played and handed out candy and it was great.
If all the extra stuff makes you crazy then give them the gift of a mom who is not stressed out and anxious. Have a good time and snap a few pictures even if kids are cranky. It has taken me years to learn this and I still struggle with it because in my head I want to do all those fun pinterest things but I just can’t get it all done and that is OK!!
grapefruit / 4649 posts
Oh I’m right there with you! I’ve found it helps me to focus on experiences outside the house, especially ones that repeat annually. We only have to be dressed and out the door I don’t need to clean and decorate and craft etc. I also do better with things that happen every year, we have a birthday wreath, Christmas books in a box that is pulled out after Thanksgiving, plates for Valentine’s day. No planning, no pressure!
blogger / apricot / 389 posts
Oh I’m so the same. I’m so excited for Christmas right now because I kind of skipped Halloween being that I’m in the final week of pregnancy. I did decide last minute carving pumpkins would be nice, but both grocery stores were sold out.
We’ve already had Thanksgiving (Canada) and so, I’m already dreaming about Christmas. I’ll have a newborn, and since we haven’t managed to put lights up the last 2 years at our house, I’m not entirely hopeful for this year. Hoping we get the tree up and we’ll call it a success!
Also – I find wrapping presents always follows a similar pattern. I get so excited, the first few look like something from Hallmark, then I put it off until the night before, and it looks like a 3 year old wrapped everything
blogger / pea / 24 posts
@Mrs. Marshmallow: I’m with you on the present wrapping! Mr. Sun actually does the vast majority of wrapping in our house. His look like something you’d see in a picture. Mine look….charming and homespun. (read: terrible) Also! Good luck on your last week!!! No matter what, Christmas will be really special this year.
@Cole: Focusing on events out of the house is a really good idea. My only goal this holiday season is to take the kids somewhere where they can meet Santa. If I start planning now, I should be able to figure it out.
@Mrs. Train: Those are words to live by. I have to keep reminding myself that kids remember the “feeling” of an event more than the event itself. It doesn’t matter how perfect the pictures look, if the actual event was full of tears and stress!
@Chillybear: I’ll cross my fingers that your baby works around Christmas for you! It’s silly, but maybe you can pack a tiny (like desktop) Christmas tree/gift for your three year old in your hospital bag. Then when the she comes to see you, and meet the baby, you can tell her that Santa came to the hospital too. You get to see her open a gift, and she can have a special Christmas memory.