Occasionally an article will pop up about the “mommy wars,” pitting SAHMs and WOHMs against each other. And while the day to day experiences are different, I haven’t experienced the animosity of the mommy wars. I have the opposite experience of teaming up with WOHMs, especially once my oldest kiddo began preschool.

When BeBe started preschool, volunteers were requested. One of the moms who had a corporate sales job and busy travel schedule volunteered to be the room mom. I volunteered to run activities for classroom parties and help with field trips. At the time, I had a new baby with serious medical issues, and didn’t want to take on any projects. She had the time to email parents and organize events. And while she attended many events, she knew she had me and a few other parents committed to running the event if she had to unexpectedly travel for work. (Also, her husband was very involved too). This worked well because we shared resources and responsibilities. However, she took on much of the work, and I appreciated her doing so.

Now with BeBe in elementary school I’m less active in volunteering, but I make the effort to attend at least one school event a year. But even scheduling one event is tricky, because their school does not allow younger siblings to attend. This is where I combine resources with a WOHM friend. For a recent field trip, I could only get a babysitter for our little guy in the morning, and she could only slip away during the afternoon. We contacted the teacher and let her know we would be sharing chaperone duties for the day. With a quick pass of the kids’ lunch bags and sweatshirts at noon, we both enjoyed the field trip with our kiddos. And the teacher didn’t have to do any extra planning.

Another challenge WOHMs (and dads) face with kids in elementary school is the daycare options shrink. It’s a juggle to piece together camps and before and after school care. This is where I pitch in as a SAHM. If there are a few days between the school year ending and summer camp starting, we invite kids over for an all-day play date. And if WOHM friend has a last-minute work crisis, they know they can text me, and I will get their kiddo off the bus and the kids can play at our house. Other times a WOHM friend will pick up their kid from school, drop them at our house, and rush back to a meeting. (They need to let the bus company and school know ahead of time, though).

My WOHMs friends also pitch in to help me. When I’m scrambling for an early morning babysitter for BeBe because our little guy has an appointment at the hospital, guess who is up early, starting their day, and willing to watch my six year-old? Working parents with little kids, and they have been awesome about watching BeBe when that happens.

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Teaming up with WOHMs as a SAHM has worked well for a couple of reasons. As a SAHM I appreciate my WOHMs friends ask and don’t assume I can watch their kiddos. Most days, it’s easy for me to help, especially now that I don’t have babies and intensive therapy for our little guy. On my end, I give my WOHM friends ample time when I need help with childcare, because I know they have busy schedules.  And we are all great about passing along school and community information to each other.  We constantly text or message if something comes up we know each other’s kiddos might like to join in.

Obviously, this is my perspective as SAHM, and I hope when I’m a full time WOHM it continues to be a positive experience. In either siutation, the reality of having little kids is that managing school and work schedules, therapy and doctor appointments, and even fun events is hard without support from other parents in the community.  So while our days are different as SAHMs and WOHMs, we’re all just moms (and dads) trying to get everything done, and enjoying time with our kiddos.