Hellobee

When I found out that I was pregnant, there were two things that I was excited to experience: baby movement while pregnant and breastfeeding. I think it was because those were the two things I mourned for when I was experiencing infertility issues and going through our adoption. I quickly found out that both things were not what I expected.  The kicking was interesting at first, but then turned quite irritating when they would double team me and kick my bladder, stomach and lungs all at the same time.  I also found out shortly after they were born that breastfeeding would not be the magical bonding experience I was hoping for right away.  It was painful, stressful and exhausting, but I continued on through each hurdle I had and I am glad I did.   Towards the end I had my moments where I enjoyed it, but the beginning sure was tough.

Birth to six weeks

Six weeks was my first breastfeeding mini goal and it was the roughest time for me.  In the hospital my milk had not come in and my twins had lost their allotted 10% body weight. The smaller of my two twins was the major concern. He was a pound lighter than his brother, and the doctors wanted to make sure he gained weight properly. They were a little worried because they were what my nurse called “in betweenies” — full term but not 40 weeks.  The nurses said that in these cases sometimes they can show some preemie characteristics.

Well I had two beautiful and healthy boys; they just didn’t know how to latch very well.  While in the hospital I would offer the breast to each baby, then pump and feed them what I got from pumping.  If they were still hungry I would offer formula. Even if they weren’t showing signs of hunger, I pumped every two hours for twenty minutes to try and bring my milk in.

As we left the hospital the nurses and lactation specialist told me to continue what I was doing until my milk came in.  Then I would be able to cut back the formula and just offer the breast. The first two weeks at home are a complete blur. Because the boys had trouble latching, I did not do tandem nursing. I wanted to focus on each boy and really teach them how to latch. I even had my mom there helping me get them on properly.

I followed the same routine as in the hospital.  I would offer the breast, then pump, feed expressed milk, then offer formula.  I even set my alarm at night to make sure I did it every two hours. This took up every moment of my day because by the time I got through this rotation with each baby, it was time to start again. Once my milk came in it still felt like I was feeding them around the clock, but at least I wasn’t pumping a ton then giving bottles.  It was a bit of a relief.

I loved when I could get them both to sleep.

I had two wonderful pieces of advice during this time.  One was from my mom.  She said “After three weeks it gets better. You just have to push through.”

She was right. After three weeks my milk had come in, the intense pain at feedings had subsided, and my boys had learned to latch.  The other advice was from my boys’ pediatrician.  I had broken down at one of their checkups crying that I couldn’t feed them, I didn’t know if I was a good mother, I hadn’t slept in weeks and they just cry all the time. I was a wreck. I said in my last post I cried in front of everyone. Well the kids’ doctor was one of them. She looked me right in the eye and said, “The human body was not designed to have two babies. It happens but it puts an unnatural amount of stress on the body.  It was also not designed to feed two babies.  Some women can, but some just don’t make that much milk.  Hungry twin boys may need a little extra and that’s OK. “  For some reason, having this come from their doctor and not friends and family made a difference and brought me some peace.

Six weeks to 6 months

I made it to my initial goal of six weeks.  By then we were in a routine of some sorts.  It mostly involved me sitting on the couch feeding them a ton while someone else took care of my older son. So I decided to extend my goal to three months and then to six.  During this time I tried all the positions for tandem breast feeding.  The three most commonly mentioned ones in books and online are double football, double cradle or combination one cradle and one football.

Double cradle is when both babies are held in the traditional cradle position.  In order to do this, the babies’ bodies have to cross over each other in front of your body. When I tried this position, more often then not, the boys had kicking fights and seemed to be trying to kick each other off to the best of their ability. I’m sorry for the picture not being exact — I did not let my husband take pictures of them while they were eating, so just imagine their heads a little lower and their bodies tilted down.

Sleeping after feeding in the double cradle position

Combination cradle/football is where one baby is held in the cradle position, while one is angled back into the football hold. With this hold the babies’ bodies would face the same direction.  Again, as with the cradle hold, if their feet were able to touch their brother it turned into a kicking mess. One brother was always getting kicked in the head.

Sleeping after feeding in the combination hold

In order to avoid our kicking battles, I usually feed them in a double football hold.  With this position each baby is held with their bodies along your side, aiming backwards towards your back.  As they got bigger they did have to scrunch their legs a bit, but they didn’t seem to mind. They often fell asleep holding hands.

My go to hold: double football

During these months I had to supplement one feeding per day.  Everyday between 12 and 1 pm I would be completely out of milk.  They boys would nurse and snack all morning and I could never keep up.  So each day I would give them a bottle of formula while they were in their swings.  I would rock them to sleep and they would nap for about 2 hours.  It was the only way that worked for me because it was when my body was not very productive.  I talked with other twin moms who said they did formula at night so that other people could help with the night feedings, but when I tried I would have to get up and pump anyway to stay comfortable.

Because I still nursed them at night, I often felt overtired. I started to co-sleep one at a time.  As each boy woke up, I would bring them to bed with me and fall asleep nursing. When the next baby woke up, my husband would take the first baby back to their crib and bring me the next. We rotated like that throughout the night. If they woke up at the same time, I would take them out to the couch and nurse them in tandem. If that happened I usually fell asleep on the couch.  I had a very hard time staying awake while nursing them at night.

From 6 months to a year

Compared to the beginning, this 6 months seemed like a breeze. I was more coordinated so I was able to nurse in public.  The boys started eating more and I no longer needed to supplement. I was at 4 to 5 feedings per day that gradually reduced to 3 per day. I would think back to those first few weeks and marvel at how far we had come. My tiny skinny little boys had turned into plump little toddlers, and I was proud of our year together. People tell me all the time how great it was that I made it a year but it really did become a natural thing. I would sit and let the boys nap on me after nursing and they looked so peaceful. Those quiet moments are what make all the stress from the beginning worth it. Those were the magical moments I was hoping for in the beginning.

I weaned them right at a year.  It took about three weeks.  Each week I took out one feeding and replaced it with a sippy cup of milk.  The only one they fought me on was our bedtime session. I let them lie on the pillow for a few evenings and have their sippy cups.  Eventually I just hid my pillow and they stopped trying to nurse. It was a fairly painless transition.

My chubby bunnies at 1 year old

When I have talked to other moms about nursing, especially twins, I often give the same advice. Follow your instincts. Trust your judgment. If you think you need to supplement with formula… feel free. If you want to stop completely… go for it. If you are a mega milk machine and have no problem keeping up… that’s fantastic.  My oldest son was formula fed from the day he was born, and I had the same bonding moments with him when he would take a bottle and fall asleep in my arms.  No matter how your child receives his nourishment it can be a magical moment.

As a mother, I often try to do what I thought was right before I was a mom, instead of changing my plan to fit the reality of parenthood.  Breastfeeding was one of those instances that challenged my preconceptions. I fought against the reality because all the literature told me if I pumped and fed enough, I would have sufficient milk. The truth was I just didn’t, and I needed a little help.  When I accepted that I was able to relax and stop worrying so much.  I was able to enjoy those quiet moments I had with my sons.