Hellobee

Please welcome back Hellobee hostess Rubies! Today she shares the story of how she sleep trained her daughter.

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1) What was your LO’s sleep like before you sleep trained?

After her 2-month appointment, BR started to refuse and resist sleep all together.  She would take her morning nap and then that’s it.  Our usual 9pm bedtime suddenly turned into 11pm-midnight, and for a couple of weeks the hubs and I were losing our minds.  The only way she would fall asleep is if we rocked her or if I nursed her.  And the only way she would stay asleep is if she remained in the position she was in when she fell asleep.  Any attempt to put her down would result in a panicked wake up and crying.  She was not getting enough sleep, day or night.

2) Why did you decide to sleep train?

BR was an incredibly fussy baby.  From day 1 she cried and cried, fussed and fussed for no reason.  I didn’t know it at the time but she was a colicky baby.  I had thought that all babies were this way and that as a first-time mom, I was just not getting used to this concept of a crying baby and was stressing myself out.  We had, as I learned later, developed such terrible sleeping habits for BR.  I used to nurse her until she was asleep, then put her in a swaddle, which woke her up, and then the hubs and I would take turns shushing and rocking her back to sleep again.  This often took up to an hour to do.  Then we would oh-so-gently try to lay her down but the second we did, she would wake up and we would have to start all over again!  If and when we successfully got her down, the hubs and I would do a little happy dance and go to sleep.  But BR would wake up 1-3 hours later and the whole process started all over again, all. night. long.  If she slept 3-4 hours straight, we considered this to be a great night.  I knew that this could not be normal.  Then, there was a 1-week stint where she was up every hour and I was so sleep-deprived that I was afraid to drive.  I knew we had a problem when I almost dropped BR because I was falling asleep while standing up and holding her!

3) What resources did you research before sleep training?

I looked for advice on Hellobee and spoke to other moms about sleep-training. The moms I spoke to in real life either was against it altogether, or hired a sleep doula to do the training for them, which was something completely out of my budget or realm of thinking.  So, I turned to Hellobee and did my own research on the side.  I found that Mrs. Bee’s post on sleep-training Charlie to be very helpful.  I also bought Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, The Happiest Baby on the Block, and The No-Cry Sleep Solution.

As it turned out, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child is my go-to book.  I refer back to it weekly just to keep myself informed, and LO is now 10 months old!  The No-Cry Sleep Solution was an option for us in the beginning but ultimately, it wasn’t right for us.

4) How old was BR when you sleep trained? Do you feel you should have sleep trained earlier, later, or at about the same time?

BR was 3.5 months old – and I realize that some people might gasp at this.  I had originally planned on sleep-training at 4.5 months, which seemed like a healthy age.  But we decided to sleep-train her at her age for three main reasons:

a)    She was able to completely break out of her swaddle no matter how tightly we swaddled her
b)    She was breaking out of her swaddle so that she could suck her thumb to self-soothe
c)    I was so sleep-deprived that I almost dropped BR because I was falling asleep while standing up

When I think about it, I believe we sleep-trained her at the right time for HER.  With a different baby, it would most likely be at an age older than 3.5 months.  But for us, it was just the right time.

5) Please tell us about the methods you used for sleep training, how long it took, and the results.

We decided we were going to start on Friday, November 11th, 2011 since it was the weekend and the hubs could help.  All day I was fine, excited even to finally do something about our problem.  I was fine until we started her bedtime routine.  All of a sudden, I got so nervous my heart was beating fast, my stomach was in knots and I just wanted to cry.  It wasn’t so much that I was worried for the crying, per se.  I think I felt as though I had no clue what the heck I was doing and was scared I was going to ruin BR’s life.  I pulled myself together because I knew what I was doing was going to help BR *and* me.

The hubs and I decided on the Ferber method, which uses a progressive waiting approach.  You let your baby cry, but get to go in and check on her after 5 minutes, 10 minutes, and then in 15 minute intervals until she falls asleep.  During the checks, you talk/shush/sing to them but do not touch or pick them up.  Your checks last for up to a minute, and then you leave even if baby is still crying.  Eventually, your baby will fall asleep but every time she wakes up in the middle of the night, the process begins again.

These are my notes:

Night #1 – Friday

8:22pm – Put down in crib, immediately started to cry
8:28pm – 5 min check, cried harder when I left
8:33pm – Asleep.  Cried for a total of 11 minutes.
11:32pm – Woke up.  Slept for 3 hours.
11:37pm – Hard crying.  Did 5 min check.
11:48pm – Hard crying.  Did 10 min check.
12:04am – Asleep.  Cried for a total of 16 minutes.
1:03am – Woke up crying.  Slept for 59 minutes.
1:15am – Check.  Cried harder.
1:20am – 5 min check.  Started to self-soothe.  Began to settle down.
1:42am – Silence.  Cried on and off for a total of 40 minutes.
2:00am – Woke up.  Slept for 18 minutes.  Diaper changed, fed, burped.
2:36am – Back in crib, no crying.
2:40am – Crying
2:44am – Asleep.  Cried for a total of 4 minutes.
5:18am – Woke up.  Slept for 2 hours, 34 minutes.
5:23am – 5min check – cried harder.
5:28am – Asleep.  Cried for a total of 10 minutes.
5:43am – Woke up.  Slept for 15 minutes.
5:48am – 5min check.
5:56am – Asleep.  Cried on and off for a total of 13 minutes.
7:14am – Up for the day.
Total hours of sleep = 7 hours, 24 minutes.

Night #2 – Saturday

6:20pm – Put down and immediately started hard-crying
6:24pm – Started to settle down, did not do 5 min check
6:30pm – Asleep.  Cried on and off for a total of 10 minutes
7:11pm – Woke up.  Slept for 41 minutes.  Cried hard.
7:16pm – 5min check
7:19pm – Asleep.  Cried for a total of 8 minutes.
4:10am – Woke up.  Slept for 8 hours, 51 minutes.  Diaper change, fed, burped.
4:53am – Back in crib. Cried.
4:58am – 5 min check.
5:02am – Asleep.  Cried for a total of 9 minutes.
8:33am – Up for the day.  Slept for 3 hours, 31 minutes.
Total hours of sleep = 13 hours

Night #3 – Sunday

6:35pm – Put down, immediately started hard-crying
6:40pm – Started to self-soothe, did not do 5min check.
6:42pm – Asleep.  Cried for a total of 7 minutes.
7:17pm – Woke up.  Slept for 35 minutes.
7:26pm – Asleep.  Cried on and off for a total of  9 minutes.
11:47pm – Woke up.  Slept for 4 hours, 21 minutes.
12:07am – Asleep.  Had cried on and off for a total of 20 minutes, did check at 12midnight.
3:44am – Woke up.  Slept for 3 hours, 37 minutes.  Diaper change, fed, burped.
4:11am – Back in crib, fussy.
4:18am – Asleep.
6:00am – Woke up.  Slept for 1 hour, 42 minutes.
6:25am – Asleep.  Fussed on and off for a total of 25 minutes.  Did not do any checks.  (As it turned out, she had a poo diaper here)
8:45am – Up for the day.  Slept for 2 hours, 20 minutes.
Total hours of sleep = 12.5 hours

Night #4 – Monday

6:36pm – Put down, cried on and off for a total of 7 minutes.
6:43pm – Asleep.
7:07pm – Woke up.  Slept for 24 minutes.
7:21pm – Check.
7:22pm – Asleep.  Cried on and off for a total of 15 minutes
12:36am – Woke up.  Slept for 5 hours, 14 minutes.
12:56am – Cried on and off for a total of 20 minutes
12:57am – Asleep
1:10am – Woke up.  “Slept” for 13 minutes. Diaper change, fed, burped.
1:35am – Back in crib, no crying (yay~!)
4:40am – Woke up.  Slept for 3 hours, 5 minutes.
4:49am – Asleep.  Cried on and off for a total of 9 minutes.
5:40am – Woke up.  Slept for 51 minutes.  Dozed in and out, cried on and off until…
6:00am – Up for the day.
Total hours of sleep = 10 hours

We continued to be on edge for about 10 days before I could go to bed and not feel nervous about her crying.  Because BR was colicky, though, it took a good month before she found her groove.  From the middle of December (when she was 4.5 months old) until she was 7 months old, her general night looked like this:

5:45pm: Bath, massage, pjs, nursing.
6:15pm: Crib, no fussing
Midnight: Feed #1, then back to bed with no fussing
4:00am: Feed #2, back to bed with no fussing
6:00am: Wake up

From 7 months to the present (almost 10 months), BR only has one feed in the middle of the night.

6) Did you also nap train?

We also nap-trained at the same time and it was very, very stressful but I preferred a lot of stress at one time rather than splitting up the stress.  Nap-training took a very long time to become predictable and comfortable – months.  While it only took a few days to teach her how to nap, it took weeks/months for her to establish long, restorative naps.

I followed Dr. Weissbluth’s method for nap-training.  I developed a nap-time routine that looked like this:

–    Diaper change
–    Put on sleep sack
–    Cradle for one minute while shushing
–    Hold upright while patting back for one minute
–    Put in crib and say, “It’s napping time, Sweetheart.  I love you.”
–    Turn on sound machine, and leave

There are no checks and baby can CIO for up to an hour.  The longest BR cried before falling asleep was 20 minutes.

7) How did your LO’s daytime sleep change post sleep training?

Currently, LO’s naps are very predictable.  It’s almost like clockwork.  She wakes up in the morning at around 6:30am and nap #1 is at 9am.  She will sleep for a minimum of 1.5 hours, normally 2 hours, but sometimes even 3 hours.  Nap #2 is at 1pm.  She wakes up from these naps happy, gurgling, cooing, and can play by herself for up to 30 minutes before she becomes fussy for me to get her.

8) How did your LO’s night time sleep change post sleep training?

After we sleep-trained her at night, she eventually woke up for two feedings a night.  When she was 7 months old, she dropped one of those feedings and currently, we are still at one feeding per night.  We had two hiccups and had to sort of re-train: a) we traveled when BR was 6.5 months old and it messed things up for a bit, and b) she went through a sleep-regression last month.

9) Knowing what you know now, what would you have done differently?

In all honesty, knowing what I know now I don’t think I would have done anything differently.  We sleep-trained at a time I feel was appropriate, we used common sense and rescued her if she became frantic, and did not deny her any feedings at night.  I am really pleased with the way things turned out considering how colicky she was.  While some people are against it, the CIO-method was the only effective way for us.

10) What advice do you have for any parents that are planning on sleep training?

My advice is to form your own opinions about sleep-training and then find a method that works.  If you’re against CIO, then don’t seek advice from people who are pro-CIO; it will only stress you out.  Make sure you do your own research too, and become informed about the science behind infant sleep.  Trust your gut feeling.  If you sleep-train, it would be ideal if your partner were available to help you – it’s very emotional and can be physically tiring.  Good luck!

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Thanks so much for sharing Rubies!

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