I think every parent agonizes about what their toddler eats and whether they are eating enough! I know that I could drive myself crazy thinking about it. It probably doesn’t help that I’ve had a troubled relationship with food in my own life, and don’t want to pass any of my disordered thinking down to my beautiful girls.

My research into this topic started when Little Jacks was 6 months old.  I thought that at 6 months, she would magically take to solid foods and all would be well with the world.  I made a beautiful homemade organic squash meal straight from our garden as LJ’s first food and fantasized that she would gobble it up. Instead, she refused anything solid for another nearly 6 months!


LJ’s reaction to her first bite of food saved for posterity.

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I knew the axiom, “Under one, food just for fun” (meaning that any foods she ate before the age of 1 were just bonuses on top of her regular diet of breast milk)  but my parental anxiety and own food issues began to rear their ugly head.

The first step that I took was to examine where my own biases came from.  Somewhere along the way, I had learned that food intake was one place where I could exert control in my life and that food could be tied to both reward and punishment.  I did not want the girls to make the same associations, so I vowed to model healthy food and eating habits to them in the hopes that they would intuitively learn healthy eating habits.  Yes, this meant changing my nightly dessert choices and trying to put more green on the plate every day!

The second step I took was to discard the notions of our parents’ generation.  In my household, growing up there was a 3 bite rule.  You had to take 3 bites of the meal before saying that you were done.  I think this was very progressive thinking for the time, when so many parents were taking a clean your plate approach.  But we’ve now modified this even more in our house.

It’s so hard for me to know how Little Jacks is genuinely feeling.  I want her to listen to her body and not eat when she’s not hungry, but I also want her to be exposed to lots of interesting flavors and foods.  Instead of 3 bites, we’re doing “taste it.”  She’s allowed to exert full autonomy and refuse a food as long as she has tasted it during the meal.  Sometimes she’ll only put her tongue to the food and declare it “yucky” (tomatoes always, but with other foods it can vary.  One time she’ll love it, another time she’ll hate it!).  By using the “taste it” rule, we’ve taken a step away from food as a battleground.  LJ is in control within the structure of the foods we put in front of her and that creates self-efficacy around eating.

Thirdly, we’ve learned to read her hunger cues.  Remember that a toddler’s “meal” size should be roughly the size of their fist.  That’s really not very much food at all.  Also consider that fist sized portions need not be had at every meal.  Rather, it should be more of an average over a couple of days’ period of time.  If she’s looking at the food with her mouth open, leaning forward and reaching, we can be pretty assured that she’s hungry.  If she turns away, closes her mouth or starts throwing the food off her tray, we know that she’s done.  The words don’t always follow the actions, so we continue to look for these non-verbal cues.  I can’t tell you the number of times she’s said, “Mama, more applesauce please!” only to find that she wants to play in it, not eat it.


You’ve seen this photo before, but it illustrates toddler fist size perfectly!

Sometimes the cues are more subtle and hard to read.  There were a few times that LJ was watching a video and it seemed like she had eaten more than her usual amount, but she was mindlessly popping more food in her mouth.  This scared me enough to institute a “no media while eating” policy.  I want her to be able to feel and sort out her body’s own messages without blocking them with other input.  In place of the of media, we try to maintain open discussion about the events and emotions of our day during our meals together.  By doing this, we are trying to demonstrate that kids should turn to discussion and not to food to handle difficult emotional issues.

Fourth, we try to take notice of what we eat without putting value judgments on food items.  We try to make comments like, “Oh, these raspberries (a current favorite) are really sweet today” rather than focusing on a food being “good tasting” or “bad tasting” or “good for you” or “bad for you.”  I also want our kids to know that an occasional cupcake or ice cream treat is not a bad thing, as long as they continue to eat a variety of foods with treats in moderation.  Bentos have been really helpful in this regard because they basically encourage sampling of multiple healthy foods at one time!

And speaking of bentos… we were having a really hard time with school lunches the first week.  Almost all of what we sent would come back uneaten (except for the raspberries).  We already knew that we wanted to try doing some bento-style lunches, so one day on a whim, I cut the sandwich into a shark shape with a cookie cutter, made the cheese into cheese stars and arranged the fruit in a fun way… and voila!  The lunch box came back completely empty!  The presentation and small bites seemed to really help make lunch compelling for LJ.  Her teachers also mentioned that they’ve observed that kids who have big lunches tend to only take a few bites, while kids that have smaller lunches tend to eat the whole thing.  I don’t know if it’s a matter of being overwhelmed with the amount of food or a symptom of the fact that parents of small eaters try to send big lunches in the hopes that the kids will eat more, but I thought it was interesting!


Today’s bento lunch with red, white and blue berries, a bouquet of salami and cheese, carrot flowers and cucumber stars!

I guess the summary of this post could be to try and model good eating behaviors, offer healthy options and then let the little ones sort the rest out on their own.  It’s so easy to say and so hard to do!  I’ve had to bite my tongue on more than one occasion as LJ tries weird food combos (the other day she put yogurt in her milk and loved it) or goes on food strike for a couple of days, or even decides to binge on cheese and blueberries until I think she’s going to pop!  This is one area where I know it’s much better for my girls if I set aside my own issues and let them do their thing!  I can still be a complete control freak about balloons and other safety issues!

I am dying to hear what has worked (and hasn’t worked) for others with toddler feeding issues.

Hellobee Series: Mrs. Jacks part 11 of 12

1. Attachment Parenting: One strategy by Mrs. Jacks
2. School is now in session! by Mrs. Jacks
3. Babywearing 101: Inward or outward facing? by Mrs. Jacks
4. My baby's head is flat! What's the deal with plagiocephaly? by Mrs. Jacks
5. Responsible media viewing by Mrs. Jacks
6. What to do when your baby goes on bottle strike by Mrs. Jacks
7. Birth plans: the other side of the story by Mrs. Jacks
8. Beyond colic: milk/soy protein intolerance by Mrs. Jacks
9. Cracking the code on toddler tantrums by Mrs. Jacks
10. Talking with children about race by Mrs. Jacks
11. Toddler eating habits cause parental grey hair by Mrs. Jacks
12. A warm winter treat by Mrs. Jacks