Little Jacks can be (ahem) a bit of a challenge in the mornings.  What started as some strong willed opinions on clothing choices has devolved into hour long tantrums starting at the moment she wakes up, and not ending until shoes are on and we’re headed out to the car for school.  She’d start crying the moment we brought her to the potty, through breakfast, dressing, hair brushing, sunscreen and shoes.  She would arrive to school worn out and I’d arrive at work completely frazzled and miserable.  It was becoming an unsustainable situation.

Every night Mr. Jacks and I strategized on our technique for the coming day, and every day we had the same results.  Mr. Bee recommended a book called “How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk.”  It has worked for LJ at times, but we tried that with no success.  We tried getting her to bed earlier.  Didn’t help.  We read Dr. Sears’ “Discipline Book” like it was a religious text.  It got us nowhere. We tried soothing and comforting.  We tried ignoring.  We tried giving her more choices and we tried eliminating all choice.  The only results we saw were that Mr. Jacks and I were now disagreeing about our approach and that everyone was dreading mornings.

The other day I was chatting with a friend at work whose son has Asperger’s  syndrome.  She said in a rather off the cuff manner (as if it was totally obvious), “Sounds like LJ is having problems sequencing events.”  I wasn’t sure that was truly the issue, but I had no evidence to suggest that it WASN’T the problem.  So I asked, “What do you suggest?”  She said, “LJ needs a behavior chart that helps her sequence the events of the morning.”

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At this point, I was thinking that developmentally LJ is probably way too young for a behavior chart… but on the other hand I had absolutely nothing to lose and I was already dreading morning and it wasn’t even 3 pm.  I felt a little silly for entertaining the idea, but we decided to go ahead with a trial run.

When I got home from work, I searched for a printable behavior chart.  (We used the blank morning routine chart). I filled it in with every morning task.

  1. Go potty
  2. Go downstairs and eat breakfast.
  3. Pick clothes and get dressed
  4. Brush hair (added on the second incarnation of the chart)
  5. Put on sunscreen  (also added on the second incarnation of the chart)
  6. Brush teeth
  7. Pick out and put on shoes
  8. Get water bottle
  9. Get hat
  10. Go out to car

I made sure that I drew a clearly understandable picture associated with each written action, so that she could look at the chart and know exactly what she needed to do next.

The night before we started, we prepared Little Jacks by reading the chart to her and explaining that if she threw a tantrum that she wouldn’t get a star for the given activity.  If she got all her morning activity stars, we would allow her to watch a video before she went to school.  Videos are a huge treat in our house, but whatever motivates your child will do!

I was surprised that LJ had me go over the chart about 20 times before bed.  She asked lots of questions like “what if I don’t have to go shi shi on the potty?” and “what if I cry a little?”  We went through all her contingencies before she went to sleep.  We told her that she would be able to put her stars on the chart after completing each task.

In the morning, we reminded her about the chart and braced ourselves for the resistance.  Instead, she ran to the potty to go shi shi, wanted to go downstairs and eat, picked her outfit and did the rest of the routine in no time flat.  She had all her stars in time to watch a couple of videos… and there was not even one minute of fussing!

I thought it might have been a fluke, but the next day and the next day and the next were all the same.  She started waking up saying, “Time to get stars?” and, “I want to watch a video if I get all my stars.”

I find it kind of stunning how dramatic the turn around has been.  The only day I noticed any regression was the day that we didn’t have the chart out while we were going through the steps.  I really think it is important to be very concrete about the plan and as long as we’ve been doing that, the system has worked very well!

If you are at a stalemate with tantrums like we were, you might want to try a behavioral chart like we did… even if your little one seems too young.

Do you have a tantrum trick that has worked like a charm?  I’d love to put more tools in the arsenal!


Don’t laugh at my first incarnation!  We’ve gotten a little more sophisticated, but honestly even my crude mock-up version worked… and as you can see, LJ *loved* putting her own stars on the chart!

Hellobee Series: Mrs. Jacks part 9 of 12

1. Attachment Parenting: One strategy by Mrs. Jacks
2. School is now in session! by Mrs. Jacks
3. Babywearing 101: Inward or outward facing? by Mrs. Jacks
4. My baby's head is flat! What's the deal with plagiocephaly? by Mrs. Jacks
5. Responsible media viewing by Mrs. Jacks
6. What to do when your baby goes on bottle strike by Mrs. Jacks
7. Birth plans: the other side of the story by Mrs. Jacks
8. Beyond colic: milk/soy protein intolerance by Mrs. Jacks
9. Cracking the code on toddler tantrums by Mrs. Jacks
10. Talking with children about race by Mrs. Jacks
11. Toddler eating habits cause parental grey hair by Mrs. Jacks
12. A warm winter treat by Mrs. Jacks

Toddler Tantrums part 8 of 12

1. How to prevent tantrums: A guide to the 5 triggers and 2 stressors that cause tantrums by Mr. Bee
2. The Power of Timeouts by Mr. Bee
3. The Case Against Timeouts by Mr. Bee
4. Three Ways to say "no" to your kids by Mr. Bee
5. From Devil to Angel: "Tina's No" by mrs. wagon
6. What Shamu Taught Me About Happy Toddlers by Mr. Bee
7. The Best Parenting Book I've Ever Read by Mr. Bee
8. Cracking the code on toddler tantrums by Mrs. Jacks
9. What would Ellie do? Managing tantrums. by Mrs. Jacks
10. The Trenches of Toddler-Dom by Mrs. High Heels
11. The Nurtured Heart Approach: Disciplining for Greatness by Mrs. Twine
12. Diagnosing Tantrums and Behavioral Problems for 3-4 Year Olds by Mrs. Bee